We are about to adopt a girl - looking for books to help my four year old understand

[Kiwimom]

Hi there,

We have been in the adoption process for the last six months and this week have been selected by an incredibly brave girl who is due in January. We have two biological sons 4 and 19 months. We obviously haven't told the boys yet...we do talk a lot about when the new baby comes 'one day' and he is aware (and does ask can he get a sister) that we will have another baby.

I have brought every book I can find on the market but they all seem focused on the adopted child and helping her find her place in the world, and advice for the adopted parents. But I cannot seem to find anything to help my four year old get prepared. He loves the movie Babe and thinks it is a great idea the dog adopts the pig and calls her Mom.

Does anyone know of any other books / movies / connections for us? I am trying not to overthink it as I know he will probably be so accepting and OK. We are also white and this little girl we are getting is African American. I am thinking of telling the boys (well our four year old) in the new year they are getting a sister (she is due January 22) which would give him two -ish weeks for something concrete.

Thanks in advance

[Anonymous]

No advice, just congratulations.

[Anonymous]

Try this one: Just Add One Chinese Sister - http://www.amazon.com/Just-Add-One-Chinese-Sister/dp/1563979896.

And congratulations.

[Anonymous]

Personally, I would wait until much closer to the due date and talk in general terms about adding a new sibling to the family. For a 4 yr old the explanation that the biological mom/dad could not take care of a baby right now even though they loved her very much and that baby's need lots of care - a house, doctor, food, warm clothes - and your family was willing able is enough explanation.

[Anonymous]

There is a book called Bringing Asha Home (I think that's the title) that deals with adoption.
I'm sure there's more, if you browse sites like Amazon.

When it gets close, you can also have them help prepare for their sister that may help.

There are a lot of blogs out there about families that have adopted, they may have some stories/resources as well.

Congratulations!!

[Anonymous]

OP here

Thanks for the Congrats. We are just so delighted and excited although we know there is still a ways to go. But from all accounts it is looking like it is going to happen.

I am actually thinking of writing my own book for my son - honestly I have searched everywhere online and in shops. There really isn't much out there for siblings about to get a new babe. I am talking to my four year old about when the baby comes one day...and we will be more specific and definite and actually give him the news MUCH closer (2nd week of january for a due date 22 jan?). I was just hoping for a book he could relate to now.

It is wierd to be this excited and not really be able to share it with the world - and my son - just yet.

[Anonymous]

Waiting for Asha is about a brother waiting for his adopted baby sister. Its international adoption, but may be similar.

[Anonymous]

Jin Woo is another book about international adoption. It focuses on the feelings of the older sibling. My 3 year old loves this book. I think she could related to similar feelings when her biological sibling came to the house.

[Anonymous]

Here's some books:

http://www.creatingafamily.org/adoption/suggestedbooks/books-to-help-prepare-children-for-the-adoption-of-a-sibling.html

http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/articles.php?aid=2012

[Anonymous]

Kiwimom wrote:Hi there,

We have been in the adoption process for the last six months and this week have been selected by an incredibly brave girl who is due in January. We have two biological sons 4 and 19 months. We obviously haven't told the boys yet...we do talk a lot about when the new baby comes 'one day' and he is aware (and does ask can he get a sister) that we will have another baby.

I have brought every book I can find on the market but they all seem focused on the adopted child and helping her find her place in the world, and advice for the adopted parents. But I cannot seem to find anything to help my four year old get prepared. He loves the movie Babe and thinks it is a great idea the dog adopts the pig and calls her Mom.

Does anyone know of any other books / movies / connections for us? I am trying not to overthink it as I know he will probably be so accepting and OK. We are also white and this little girl we are getting is African American. I am thinking of telling the boys (well our four year old) in the new year they are getting a sister (she is due January 22) which would give him two -ish weeks for something concrete.

Thanks in advance

This made me LOL. Very cute.

[Anonymous]

I know this is an old thread, but I have a related question:

When do you tell the child and how? We're at the beginning of the process and haven't been chosen yet, but with even the slim chance of an adoption falling through, I'm not sure what I should tell my child and when. I like to think these things through early so that when the time comes, I'm mentally prepared for the conversation. My biggest fear is that we will bring the baby home and the birth mother will change her mind. I don't want my child getting attached to a "sibling" and then being heartbroken.

Those of you who've BTDT, how did you handle?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know this is an old thread, but I have a related question:

When do you tell the child and how? We're at the beginning of the process and haven't been chosen yet, but with even the slim chance of an adoption falling through, I'm not sure what I should tell my child and when. I like to think these things through early so that when the time comes, I'm mentally prepared for the conversation. My biggest fear is that we will bring the baby home and the birth mother will change her mind. I don't want my child getting attached to a "sibling" and then being heartbroken.

Those of you who've BTDT, how did you handle?

How old is your child?

[Anonymous]

We started out by asking our son, then 4, how he felt about having a little sister or brother and we talked about all of his friends who have younger siblings. (He was very welcoming). If left entirely up to us we would have waited until we were more confident it was all going to come together and had a better sense for the timing. However, we did foster-to-adopt and a component of the home study was the social worker asking our son how he felt about having a new little brother or sister - So we had to bring him in on it earlier than we would have liked. One thing we did do which worked very well was bring a gift for our son when we come home with the baby and told him it was a present from his little sister. It was a Lightning McQueen t-shirt which was the best present ever as fas as our son was concerned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this is an old thread, but I have a related question:

When do you tell the child and how? We're at the beginning of the process and haven't been chosen yet, but with even the slim chance of an adoption falling through, I'm not sure what I should tell my child and when. I like to think these things through early so that when the time comes, I'm mentally prepared for the conversation. My biggest fear is that we will bring the baby home and the birth mother will change her mind. I don't want my child getting attached to a "sibling" and then being heartbroken.

Those of you who've BTDT, how did you handle?

How old is your child?

5

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We started out by asking our son, then 4, how he felt about having a little sister or brother and we talked about all of his friends who have younger siblings. (He was very welcoming). If left entirely up to us we would have waited until we were more confident it was all going to come together and had a better sense for the timing. However, we did foster-to-adopt and a component of the home study was the social worker asking our son how he felt about having a new little brother or sister - So we had to bring him in on it earlier than we would have liked. One thing we did do which worked very well was bring a gift for our son when we come home with the baby and told him it was a present from his little sister. It was a Lightning McQueen t-shirt which was the best present ever as fas as our son was concerned.

So what would have happened if the adoption fell through? How would you have explained that? Did anyone in the education process address this as a possibility and how to manage expectations?