Sad about mom's genes dying out...

[Anonymous]

Am I crazy to feel like this? On my mom's side of the family, there are 5 grandchildren, three of whom were adopted (including me). My two cousins who weren't adopted have vowed to never have kids (both are in their 30s and not married; one does have a serious boyfriend she'll most likely marry, but he had a vasectomy when he was in his early 20s). Two of the three adoptees have kids (two bio, one adopted), and the other adoptee most likely won't marry or have kids.

So, that means my mom's genes won't be carried on, b/c the two bio grandchildren aren't having kids. Even though I'm a big fan of adoption, being adopted and having adopted myself, I still feel sad that there won't be anyone else to carry the torch.

[Anonymous]

Being the parent of only one child, I tend to secretly worry about this as well. I would never pressure him into having kids, but I would be really disappointed to see my family lineage come to an end if he ends up not having children.

[Anonymous]

I dunno, OP - I bet you feel like you are carrying on the torch for your mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I still feel sad that there won't be anyone else to carry the torch.

There are many other ways of carrying the torch. I'm thinking of a dear teacher, who was herself adopted, then had no children herself. She was an amazing person, and she has hundreds of former students who carry a piece of her inside them, which they share with the world. She died over 10 years ago, and people still post her photos on facebook and talk about her influence in their lives. Her genes may not have been carried on to the next generation, but her spirit sure was.

Find meaningful ways to carry on your mom's legacy (and that of her family). Right down your memories of them, the stories they told. Make sure you have their photos organized and backed up. Teach your kids to do the sorts of things they loved to do--cooking? carpentry? embroidery? hiking?--and remember them together. Think about heritage more broadly than just genetics.

[Anonymous]

Mom jeans will never die out, as long as people go on wearing them.

[Anonymous]

We have health problems and a predisposition to mental illness. I kind of hope my genes die out.

[Anonymous]

I agree with 9:13 that heritage is more than genetics. I also think that adopted children can look like their parents in eerie ways not only because of mannerisms but because of life-long affinity.

In my family, a couple of my cousins resemble my mother very strongly and my cousin's daughter looks like my mother. That's our genetic heritage too.

[Anonymous]

Hmm, I thought my kids were fabulous because of spending every day with me in a home and life I have built to ensure they are productive adults. I really don't put much stock in my genetics.

[Anonymous]

I thought this post would be about mitochondrial DNA, passed only along the female line.

OP, did your mom have siblings? If so, many of her genes will live among your cousins or their children. My son is more like my sister than he is like my husband or me.

[Anonymous]

I have this same concern about my dad's genes, sort of. He had three children, two from a first marriage and me, whereas my mom had several children from her first marriage. We all grew up together, Brady Bunch style. The sibs from my mom's first marriage all had kids, with a mix of boys & girls. Dad's bio kids have adopted, although ironically one sister had a baby as a teen that was adopted. So dad's genes will make it to the next generation and his name will too, just not together.

OP, you might feel comforted that there are probably many adoptions among your ancestors that were kept secret, so the gene line probably is more jagged than you'd imagine. (And yes, in case you doubt it, your mom's ancestors are your ancestors. It's the relationship that makes you part of the family, not the gene line.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mom jeans will never die out, as long as people go on wearing them.

heee, heee...lmaof.

[Anonymous]

clearly your mom thought that she was a lot more than her genetics. She adopted you. You honor her by passing on her positive traits, holiday traditions, maybe a family recipe, etc. That's more important than passing on her genetic material.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought this post would be about mitochondrial DNA, passed only along the female line.

OP, did your mom have siblings? If so, many of her genes will live among your cousins or their children. My son is more like my sister than he is like my husband or me.

OP here. Yes, as I mentioned earlier, my mom does have two siblings. One also adopted her child, so no genetic link there. The other has two bio children, but they are adamant about not having kids (the one's soon-to-be-fiance had a vasectomy in his early 20s; both my cousins are super diehard animal liberation people who simply aren't having kids). So, there will be no more genes once my cousins die. My sister and I are Asian and my parents are white; no chance of looking like them!

I guess I didn't phrase my post well- I definitely believe heritage is more than genetics and that family is more than blood. I just feel sad that this genetic line that came from Poland somewhat recently will end. It's hard to explain...

[Anonymous]

My DH must have very strong genes, because our kids are basically his clones and bear little resemblance (physical or otherwise) to me. So I kind of get where you are coming from. But your kids are probably as precious to your mom, and therefore worthy of carrying on her legacy, as someone who is biologically related to her.

[Anonymous]

Are there no relatives in poland?