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Is potty training supposed to be this hard?
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Anonymous
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I am about to give up on this....anyone know of a high school student still in diapers? Just kidding....not really.
My son turned 3 in June and despite having a few bouts of interest in early training (somewhere before age 3) he seems like he's regressed completely at this point. He just does not have interest, gets annoyed when we ask him if he wants to go, wants to see his #2 in the diaper, responds only very occasionally to "rewards" for going (toys, M&Ms, etc.), and more often than not goes in his pull ups than toilet. Even his 1 yo sister has more interest! We've tried keeping him on same "bathroom schedule" as pre-school during weeknights and weekends and all kinds of other incentives.....sigh. We try to always be encouraging and never punish him for not going but I'm starting to wonder if yelling in his face to just "go potty!" would yield a better response than what we're getting back now. Out of patience and out of gas....no pun intended. |
Anonymous
| Sorry for the negative response, but my theory is that there is an early window of opportunity, and when it passes (ha ha) you have to wait a long time to potty train. But I'm not an expert, and good luck to you. |
Anonymous
| We are goig through the exact same thing with my daughter, 2 3/4. She did great a few months ago when she would be diaper-less at home, but she started a new daycare a few weeks ago and they have have the kids use the potty regularly. Now, she refuses to go on her own, denies having to go, wants to inspect her diapers, and only goes occasionally with incentive. We are meeting her her teacher today to work on a consistent home and daycare potty regimen. |
Anonymous
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Once we put our DS in underwear, that was it. He was a little over 2.5. Well-- we used pull ups during naps and at night (then stopped for naps, and eventually stopped at night). He didn't mind sitting in a wet or poopy pull up at all, but did NOT like it in underwear. It meant a lot of laundry for a while, but I think he resigned himself to it sooner than he would have if I let him keep wearing pull ups. Don't get me wrong--he still (a year later) fights us when we want him to go to the bathroom before we are going out somewhere. And I get that-- he doesn't feel an urgent need to go, so why stop what he's doing now? But he hasn't had a daytime in-his-pants accident (as compared to the pants off but not quite fully on the toilet yet, which still happens occasionally) in quite a while.
I know people say kids will do it when they are ready. And I believe that they need to show some readiness before you can begin teaching them. But once they *know* what they are supposed to do, and are physically capable of doing it, then I lose sympathy. I didn't really have to "punish" DS for accidents, but I also refused to put him in pull ups just for the sake of convenience. If we were going to the park and he refused to go, then we didn't go the park. Ditto if we got to the park and he had an accident-- I didn't change him and stay; we went home. If it was somewhere I need to go (like grocery shopping), then yeah, he got a time out if he wouldn't at least go into the bathroom and try; thankfully, we never had any accidents in places like that. When he got a time out for refusing to go to the bathroom, I made it a punishment for "not listening;" he felt bad enough about having accidents that I never needed to reprimand him (other than a "make sure to try to go earlier next time" reminder). |
Anonymous
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My DD is just over 3.5 yo and is finally trained. We introduced her to the potty at 2 yo and yes it took over a year and a half for her to be out of daily pullups. It was a daily battle of wills. She picked up on our anxiousness like a bee smells fear.
The break-through was when we asked her preschool teacher for advice and she said this is one of the few things DD has complete control over and she is exerting that control. Ease up and she'll ease up. So we matter-of-factly told DD that she was going to wear pullups so could go on the potty if she wanted or in the pullup, it was up to her. We didn't ask her if she needed to go and we stopped making a big deal out of failure or success. Going in her pullup didn't include the usual lecture about how big girls don't go in their pants and success was rewarded with a simple praise and two M&Ms. And no joke, in a month she told us she was ready to wear underwear and that was it. It took her another month to poop in the potty rather than her pullup at night but I am convinced that our nonchalant attitude sped things up rather than hindered progress. Another thing I think that helped was finally honestly admitting to myself that I wasn't a bad mother because my 3.5 yo child was still in diapers and I needed to stop being so embarrassed by it. It was heaping on the pressure which was having a snowball effect. Good luck - I feel for you!! |
Anonymous
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I'm serious when I say that potty training my daughter almost made me not want to have another child. It was that frustrating. However, here she is at 5 and doesn't have accidents, wet the beds, etc. and is at "the other end of the tunnel" and all I can say is that I hear you.
I have a son who is almost two and I am not looking forward to start potty training with him in 6 months or so, but since I know that all the boys and girls in my daughter's kindegarten class are potty trained, I know my son will somehow and someway pick up on it in the next three years! good luck! |
Anonymous
| This may not help, but from someone who had a very successful time with potty training (was expecting the worst), I would put it down to cold turkey ... no pull ups (except in bed). Could you pick a weekend where you say only big kid underwear from now on and be prepared for lots of mess for a short time? For me, having a portable potty (the one that folds up really small with bags) was really useful because it meant we could keep up the no-more-diapers while outside of the house as well. Good luck! |
Anonymous
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OP-- keep in mind that kids are different in temperment. If it seems like everyone else is having an easier time, it might be because they are using a different method. OR it might be that your kid just is having a harder time for whatever reason.
Potty training my son was an awful experience and he fought it every step of the way. He finally got trained but it was when my mom moved in for a while when I was on bedrest with my second pregnancy. She trained 4 kids and agreed he was the most difficult to do. He was 3 and 3/4 years old, and we started off and on when he was about 3. It was hell. (He can use the potty just fine now, at age 6!) DD trained herself at about 2 and a half. She had a few accidents and such but was very agreeable to sitting on the potty to "see what happens". DS NEVER would agree to "sit on the potty". Not with bribes, not with threats, nothing. He just was a different kid, and my mom was able todiscuss it with him and see what his issues were -- turned out he was scared of what would come out of him, but he was pretty non-verbal, and it wasn't until he hit an age where he could talk about it, that we could figure out what was wrong. GOOD LUCK! And yes, kids are out of diapers by kindergarten! (-; |
Anonymous
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OH -- one more thing:
YOU ARE NOT A BAD MOTHER if your three and a half year old is still wearing diapers! (-; |
Anonymous
| I went with the straight from diapers to real underwear camp. I just don't really see how we can expect a child to differentiate between diapers and pull ups. I did this when my son was 3 years and 1 month and we had accidents for 2 days and then he was fully pee trained. He still wears a diaper to bed and will hold poo sometimes in the day so that he can go at night. The times when he has really had to poo he has just gone on the potty. I would be careful about getting into a power struggle at this point. Maybe lay off it a week or so and then go straight to underwear. |
Anonymous
Personally I think this is bull and I'm just wondering how many kids this poster has potty trained. I have two kids, one tough to train, one easy. Popular wisdom has it that girls are easier to train, but that wasn't my experience. I'm convinced that my dd couldn't really tell what was going on with her body-I don't think it was just a matter of motivation. She was out of diapers at 3 but still having pee accidents until over 3.5. Our son was easier, poop trained at 2.5 and pee accident free a few months shy of 3. He just seems to feel his body functions while she didn't. My suggestion: do all potty things in the bathroom and change him standing up. Go to Target and allow him to pick out some cool underpants. Put the underpants on over the pull ups. Let him start gradually by wearing only underpants on the weekends around the house. Tell him how cool his underpants are. Let grandma tell him how cool his underpants are and what a big guy he is. I think forcing this issue doesn't work. If you think it's just a matter of motivation, find his currency and offer a treat. Although I realize you've tried that. Don't let people make you feel bad about this and try not to get into a pissing match with him, pardon the pun. He'll get there. |
Anonymous
Gee, I really don't have any kids at all so I've never potty trained any, but I just thought I'd post on DCUM for, uh, some weird reason....????? |
Anonymous
| I started trying to train my son around 3. He would pee just fine at home and at school, but refused to poop anywhere except for in a diaper, in his room, hiding behind his chair. This went on for 6 months. After trying every other thing I could think of (it was clearly a psychological/power struggle thing for him - he could withhold for days if he wanted) I told him that I didn't have any more money to buy him the diapers he liked (Pampers) and so he had to wear new diapers if he wanted to poop in them. I then bought the Target brand and that was it. He never pooped in a diaper again because he "didn't like" the new diapers. Not sure if this will work for you, but (strangely, I know) it worked for my son. He's almost 4 now and is completely trained except for bedtime. He's not there yet. |
Anonymous
I would suggest wait until he is interested. My son was close to 3.5 yrs when we started. He had had absolutely no interest for the 1.5 years prior - but I kept at reading the potty books and talking about using the toilet. One day about a month before he turned 3.5 , he wanted to use a pull up. Then after a few days, I showed him underwear and he asked to wear it right away. I started giving a little present for #2 and m and m's for #1. In less than a week, he was trained. I have a friend who told her nearly 4 year old that he was going to have to wear underwear and that was all there was to it. She knew he was physically ready. Within a few days, he was trained. Maybe take a break for 4-6 months and try again. |
Anonymous
| I had read (and followed advice) to cut out diapers or pull ups for nap- we wnet cold turkey.. DD had tried potty on and off in enthusiasm for 6 months- we then just went cold turkey- many accidents at first- but then- that was expected.. dd hated public toilets at first- and now wants to go every time we go to a store just to practice.. (we're still in potty training)- we had a set back where she had an accident at school- but that was a bad day- she's actually really trying on her own free will (after going to underwear- our choice- now her choice). We had a few nights where she'd wake up screaming about peeing in her pull-up and it took like an hour to calm her down or refocus... but now she has a few dry nights- some wet- mostly dry.. we're still working the kinks out but preschool really set the peer pressure on and I personally wanted DD to be more advanced than learning at preschool ( we have some leeway on being potty trained).. hth |