Devastated over positive pregnancy test

[Anonymous]

I just found out today that I'm pregnant. I was taking birth control pills (low dose). My second child isn't quite a year old yet and we have a 3 1/2 year ago difference between the oldest and youngest. Financially, another child isn't possible. Emotionally, I feel extremely overwhelmed with the idea of another child now. I have two healthy children and had two very easy pregnancies. I've also had c-sections with both of my kids and my last c-section wasn't even a year ago (that worries me). I'm in shock and I feel foolish. I don't want to tell people. Any advice? I feel horrible.

[Anonymous]

You're not alone. It took me months--MONTHS--to come to terms with my second pregnancy. Even still, I see little babies now and of course, every new mom is like "Of course you want to hold her, you must be so excited!!" and I think, "Meh, not really."

You're a bit ambivolent about the outcomes you're considering so I'm not going to assume anything, but know that everything happens for a reason.

[Anonymous]

Don't feel foolish. It was an accident and accident's do happen. You don't have to tell anyone anything right now. Talk with your husband. Look for a therapist if necessary and don't forget you do have options.

[Anonymous]

I agree with PPs. You don't have to tell anyone anything right now while you explore your options/feelings. Things happen and whatever course you take will be the right one for your family.

Just to put your mind at ease, I had 3 c-sections in a 3 year span. No problems whatsoever during the pregnancies or deliveries. My doctors probably weren't thrilled (and probably glad I had my tubes tied after #3!) but it really wasn't an issue.

Good luck and take care.

[Anonymous]

As someone who has struggled with infertility, please know that there are plenty of people out there that want children. Please consider placing for adoption, as an option.

Hugs!

[Anonymous]

Not the place for that one. Empathize totally with your plight, but please let this woman face her issues on her own without bias.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the replies. To the poster who struggled with infertility, I realize now how insensitive I may have come off. I had hoped that since I have two children already, that I would want to wait 10 years or so and then adopt more kids. I love children and am 100% for adoption. I'm grateful I don't have problems conceiving. If I even think about getting pregnant, I get pregnant! I've gotten pregnant right away with each child. I just had a conversation with my husband and he's not willing to even discuss any other options. Within minutes of finding out I was pregnant, he was trying to guess the sex of the baby. My husband is excited and nervous. He pointed out that we have everything a baby will need, from our last baby. I'm sure he's just as caught off guard as me. I'm not going to be telling anyone else for at least another month and since my husband doesn't want to discuss other options, I guess this will make me a mother of 3 little ones. Things are going to be very busy around here.

[Anonymous]

You are doing the right thing by thinking long and hard about what is right for you and your family. I second a discussion with your husband and possibly a therapist if you think that would be helpful in fleshing out some of the issues and facilitating communication. Or just for you, if you need to talk it through alone first.

Financial stress is no small thing and impacts your entire family. You have options and there is no need to make any panic decisions but at the same time don't delay too long...

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't be embarrassed--you are married and good for you that you guys are obviously fooling around enough to let something like this happen--I myself barely can muster any energy for fooling around. Now on what to do--do what you feel is best-if you are pro life and abortion is not an option then I would try to start organizing how everything will work out and..it will work out, you just have to adjust to the idea of one more. If you are pro choice and this is a time for you to really see if adding to your family is what you want--take the next week to really evaluate if this is what you want. Whatever you decide, you will get through this--I think if you are really deciding if you are going to have this baby or not, you should keep this conversation to an anonomous board or with your husband, you dont' need to have people lecturing you that you can't tune out--this is your life.

[Anonymous]

Op again. Thanks PP! I don't think I could ever go through with an abortion but I don't judge those who do have them. I think it's a choice that everyone should have. My parents would be angry and devastated if I had an abortion because it's the one thing they're completely against. I was raised catholic. And, yes, I'm married and my husband is helping me work through all of this.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'd just say that you may need to consider who will do the bulk of the parenting. If it's you, and you feel tired and overwhelmed and even a bit frightened, you need support for that (support of all kinds), and a therapist might be helpful. It's often easy for husbands to get enthusiastic about another child if they don't feel their lives will be inordinately affected. It makes me a little uncomfortable when you say your husband won't even consider any other options. Shouldn't you have an equal voice in the decision? I wish you all the best!

[Anonymous]

Please try and be happy. I nearly cried when I read your post since I so desperately wish I was in your situation - a blossoming healthy family (and can afford it!).

There is nothing to be embarrassed about either. This is YOUR family. You shouldn't be judged and I hope you can discern who your true friends are and/or which family members truley wish the best for you based on their reaction. On that note, make the announcement when YOU and YOUR hubby are ready. Today, tomorrow, three months from now...just whenever you are comfortable. Unless it changes the family dynamics and the information is vital to planning, don't rush it.

Come to terms with the pregnancy and consider it a blessing. I wish you the best and hop to be in your shoes one day.

[Anonymous]

Thanks PP. A third child isn't completely unaffordable but it's just not something that was planned for. I'm very grateful that I can conceive easily and I'm glad both of my pregnancies have gone well. I wish you the best and hope you eventually have exactly what you want in terms of a family. Good Luck!

[Anonymous]

OP,
sounds like your decision is made, now its just a matter of accepting it. this may take time
I would recommend a tubal ligation at the time of your third C-section!!!
Good luck and I am sure that things will work out for your family.

[Anonymous]

To OP: I bet by the time this baby shows up, you will be filled with love and happiness about it. (This is based on a family experience with just this situation.) Please don't let yourself feel guilty about your current lack of exuberance - more people have felt this way than discuss it. You will rise to the occasion and be as overwhelmed with love for this child, as you are for your others.