My son's kindergarten class has several 7 yr olds in it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:as a parent of a child held back b/c of maturity and social/emotional readiness issues (having nothing to do with intelligence) this entire thread is really bothersome to me. It's nice to know that I need to be armed at all times if parents find out my DC is a year older b/c I feel like I will get shunned or lambasted. YOU DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO FOR YOUR CHILD, TO ENSURE THEY ARE SUCCESSFUL IN SCHOOL (and no I do not mean athletically successful, I mean academically). If they are not ready at 5 then it's really not a good idea to start them. Why would you set your child up for failure.

I honestly do not see what the difference is if a child is held back a year or if one goes in early. As long as they can manage and be successful then it was the right decision. Does it matter if they go to college at 17 or 19--NO it doesn't.

You realize that kids don't "fail" or "succeed" in kindergarten. They learn how to get along in groups. They learn to follow directions. They learn the alphabet and lay the foundation for reading. They learn numbers and counting and lay the foundation for math. They work on fine motor and gross motor skills. Kindergarten is NOT about academic success or failure. Your choice of words is very telling.

I am guessing that your child's preschool teacher and pediatrician did not recommend holding back, because those people are the ones with the most experience evaluating youngsters for school readiness. Also, I'm sure you would have mentioned it, right?

[Anonymous]

PP's post is pure nonsense. Can't someone make an observation without getting a sophomoric response?

The post PP is referring to does not mention puberty, nor does it allude to puberty. And even if it did, her comment would make no sense.

Children change constantly, not just when they go through puberty. Schools have historically grouped children by age for very good reasons --- not least of which is group cohesion. I am still amazed at the end of each school year when I consider how much my children have changed over the course of the year. It is hard to imagine my late spring 12-year-old going into 6th grade. We send/sent our children to a parish school and we didn't have any of these issues. I have noticed a few children with late summer birthdays starting "later" but it goes unnoticed for the most part.

[Anonymous]

Our kids' private school has a policy that requires kids to be a certain minimum age for each grade, but no stated maximum, thus providing for the ability of the school and parents to decide what the appropriate placement is for each child. For those asking why redshirted kids aren't going along with school policy, it is, at least at our school, the policy to allow for placements other than in the most advanced grade you could apply for at your age. Perhaps those who are so concerned about their kids being in class with older student should have considered this before sending their kids to the school. The schools and parents of older kids aren't playing any tricks, and younger kids and their parents aren't victims here. If your kid was accepted and you didn't have the good sense to look into the age ranges by talking to other parents or the administration, it's your own responsibility and fault. Really, you're a parent. So parent. If it's a big deal to you, do your research. This had been a topic of conversation for years. No excuses for those who claim shock to find older kids in their children's classes.

[Anonymous]

PP You have a limited view of private school admission process if you think the administration and parent contacts share this type of information. If you know people who attend the school, yes you can ask them but a lot of people don't know other families in the school. If they do, the parents typically don't share their actual opinions of their current school. I don't rip on my current school when asked.

[Anonymous]

For pre-K our school has a "4 by Sept 1" age requirement (for K it's "5 by Sept 1"). Honestly it never occurred to me to ask if they had a not-older- than cut-off. I assumed the 4-years requirement was because parents were pushing for younger admits.

In K DD was invited to the 8th birthday party for a classmate, a week before DD' 6th birthday. Families were shocked. This child was the academic rock star of the class. I was always encouraging DD not to compare herself to this child and just listen to her teacher's instructions. The family moved out of state after 2nd.

I'm sorry if I offebd anyone but this was crazy --- and disruptive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My daughter is in the same boat at a similar school. She has a summer birthday, and we decided to put her forward - a very difficult decision. Academically and athletically, she is running circles around the older kids, and I don't think that they will ever catch up with HER. But they can be intimidating. They're big, they've done nursery twice, they know all the tricks, and they are often more sophisticated than her (and not in a good way).

I'm thinking of pulling her out of her private school after this year. Either she will repeat kindergarten at another private, or we will move to a suburb with excellent public schools. She'll still be one of the youngest kids in her class, but at least she won't be a full 1 1/2 year younger than them.

It's frustrating. I don't think that all of these kids seem to be catching up, even with the gift of an extra year. And it hurts the other kids.

They know all the tricks? And yet she runs circles around them and they will never catch up with HER? Competitive much?

What the person was saying is her/his daughter is still younger and more innocent, given she has not lived long enough to learn all the mischief the other ankle biters have learned because they are so much older. Aside from that, she is better at sports and academics. I can relate because the description is one I would assign to my own child. I get it, parent of smart gifted girl. You are not alone.

By the way, don't believe the hype about the good public schools. The kids in those are old as hell, too! I am going through the same issue as you are now. I am now considering homeschooling, after paying so much for private school and being told my child is too young to go beyond Kindergarten.

Thank you. I'm the PP with a daughter similar to yours. It's frustrating. I can only hope it will make our daughters stronger and more resilient to be around kids so much older than them. One thing I'm trying to do is keep my daughter connected with neighborhood and family friends who are her age, as opposed to the children at her school. I also organize playdates with slightly younger kids so she can have the perspective of being the older child for a change.

If you see this post, can you elaborate a bit about public schools? Are parents really figuring out how to enroll their kids a year behind their peers? I didn't know it was possible at public schools.

Best of luck to your daughter. Thank you again, and good luck! Our daughters will end up doing great in this world.

Yes, people are resdshiritng boys!!!! It has nothing to do with anything else but trying to give them an age advantage. According to my neighbors, it will help them get bigger, faster, and more mature. How mature must one actually be to attend K and 1st grade? It is very typical in both public and private schools.

All we are asking is do not hold our children out of school based on age, if they are ready to move forward. Create a class for the reshirt crew, and let my child move on at his rapid pace. This has nothing to do with competition or fear. Why can't we accept that some humans are simply more advanced than others, and therefore, should not be stifled by the system that wants to dumb down everything and everyone?

Why are we holding back academically prepared kids (especially boys) because of age? It is wrong!!!! We do the same crap on jobs - shut down and harass smart workers.

Montgomery County Mom

[Anonymous]

"We do the same crap on jobs - "harass smart workers"!! It's true, people do harass the smart young people at work and school. Humh....

[Anonymous]

I thought Kindergarten was supposed to help kids get ready for their future learning experiences in all-day school. In other words, I thought it was the class that set the stage for moving forward, the starting point. Why does anyone need to be "ready"? Isn't that the whole point of Kindergarten? Maybe I am a bit off here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:as a parent of a child held back b/c of maturity and social/emotional readiness issues (having nothing to do with intelligence) this entire thread is really bothersome to me. It's nice to know that I need to be armed at all times if parents find out my DC is a year older b/c I feel like I will get shunned or lambasted. YOU DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO FOR YOUR CHILD, TO ENSURE THEY ARE SUCCESSFUL IN SCHOOL (and no I do not mean athletically successful, I mean academically). If they are not ready at 5 then it's really not a good idea to start them. Why would you set your child up for failure.

I honestly do not see what the difference is if a child is held back a year or if one goes in early. As long as they can manage and be successful then it was the right decision. Does it matter if they go to college at 17 or 19--NO it doesn't.

You realize that kids don't "fail" or "succeed" in kindergarten. They learn how to get along in groups. They learn to follow directions. They learn the alphabet and lay the foundation for reading. They learn numbers and counting and lay the foundation for math. They work on fine motor and gross motor skills. Kindergarten is NOT about academic success or failure. Your choice of words is very telling.

I am guessing that your child's preschool teacher and pediatrician did not recommend holding back, because those people are the ones with the most experience evaluating youngsters for school readiness. Also, I'm sure you would have mentioned it, right?

They don't need to be "ready" for Kindergarten! At the end of the school year, you will know what they are "ready" to do!
This is why they do not need to be held out of Kindergarten, get it??!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP You have a limited view of private school admission process if you think the administration and parent contacts share this type of information. If you know people who attend the school, yes you can ask them but a lot of people don't know other families in the school. If they do, the parents typically don't share their actual opinions of their current school. I don't rip on my current school when asked.

I wouldn't call my view "limited," I'd call it responsible parenting. We knew very few people with kids at the schools we considered. So, I researched. I sought out parents to speak with (both through the school and through friends of friends and friends of colleagues) once our child had been accepted. I went to the schools' playgrounds on weekends a few times and spoke with parents about my questions. The dads there on Saturday mornings seemed particularly candid. I searched the schools on DCUM and looked out for things (hoping to filter out the crazies) that might concern me. I'm a parent, it's my job.

Specifically on the age point, there's nothing at all negative about asking a parent if he/she know how many kids tuned a year older than most during the year. School parents will have a good sense of this (at least for their kids' classes) based on birthday party invites. Not at all asking someone to "rip" on their school.

If parents can't manage to do this type of very basic research about where their kids will be 6 hours a day (and where they'll be spending up to $30,000 a year per kid), then I don't have a whole lot of sympathy. And certainly anyone who's able to find their way to this forum has the ability to do these simple things to identify and look into any areas of concern. There will always be some unpredictable changes at schools as in life, but redshirting isn't one of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My daughter is in the same boat at a similar school. She has a summer birthday, and we decided to put her forward - a very difficult decision. Academically and athletically, she is running circles around the older kids, and I don't think that they will ever catch up with HER. But they can be intimidating. They're big, they've done nursery twice, they know all the tricks, and they are often more sophisticated than her (and not in a good way).

I'm thinking of pulling her out of her private school after this year. Either she will repeat kindergarten at another private, or we will move to a suburb with excellent public schools. She'll still be one of the youngest kids in her class, but at least she won't be a full 1 1/2 year younger than them.

It's frustrating. I don't think that all of these kids seem to be catching up, even with the gift of an extra year. And it hurts the other kids.

They know all the tricks? And yet she runs circles around them and they will never catch up with HER? Competitive much?

What the person was saying is her/his daughter is still younger and more innocent, given she has not lived long enough to learn all the mischief the other ankle biters have learned because they are so much older. Aside from that, she is better at sports and academics. I can relate because the description is one I would assign to my own child. I get it, parent of smart gifted girl. You are not alone.

By the way, don't believe the hype about the good public schools. The kids in those are old as hell, too! I am going through the same issue as you are now. I am now considering homeschooling, after paying so much for private school and being told my child is too young to go beyond Kindergarten.

Thank you. I'm the PP with a daughter similar to yours. It's frustrating. I can only hope it will make our daughters stronger and more resilient to be around kids so much older than them. One thing I'm trying to do is keep my daughter connected with neighborhood and family friends who are her age, as opposed to the children at her school. I also organize playdates with slightly younger kids so she can have the perspective of being the older child for a change.

If you see this post, can you elaborate a bit about public schools? Are parents really figuring out how to enroll their kids a year behind their peers? I didn't know it was possible at public schools.

Best of luck to your daughter. Thank you again, and good luck! Our daughters will end up doing great in this world.

Yes, people are resdshiritng boys!!!! It has nothing to do with anything else but trying to give them an age advantage. According to my neighbors, it will help them get bigger, faster, and more mature. How mature must one actually be to attend K and 1st grade? It is very typical in both public and private schools.

All we are asking is do not hold our children out of school based on age, if they are ready to move forward. Create a class for the reshirt crew, and let my child move on at his rapid pace. This has nothing to do with competition or fear. Why can't we accept that some humans are simply more advanced than others, and therefore, should not be stifled by the system that wants to dumb down everything and everyone?

Why are we holding back academically prepared kids (especially boys) because of age? It is wrong!!!! We do the same crap on jobs - shut down and harass smart workers.

Montgomery County Mom

You really have no idea why people are holding back their kids and you have no right to judge. What do you care, anyway, unless you are the one trying to get a competitive advantage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP You have a limited view of private school admission process if you think the administration and parent contacts share this type of information. If you know people who attend the school, yes you can ask them but a lot of people don't know other families in the school. If they do, the parents typically don't share their actual opinions of their current school. I don't rip on my current school when asked.

OK, I've been through the process with quite a few area schools and they are absolutely upfront about their policies. Why wouldn't they share this information? I agree with PP -- you don't have to send your child to these schools if you don't agree with their policies.

[Anonymous]

Ah yes, the dumbing down of America. It's apparently working!!

[Anonymous]

I just don't get it.

DS (now in high school) started on time when the cutoff was 12/31, so he was 4 1/2. He has consistently been one of the youngest, or the youngest, in the class. He has also been generally seen as one of the brightest kids in the class, so no disadvantage there. He is middle of the pack socially and athletically. He was behind for years on fine motor skills, but would have been behind if he were two grades behind too. He entered puberty at the typical age; some kids were very late, so he was never the smallest/least developed. He has a good friend with a late birthday who was the first kid in his grade to shave.

DS was behind the girls socially during middle school, but so were all of his friends, even those who are a year older than him. Compared to other boys, there are some boys I would prefer he not hang with (drinking, etc) who are 15 months older than him, but other partiers are within a few months of his age, and he also has good friends who are more than a year older than him.

Sometimes I think that most (but not all) of the parents worried about older kids are the parents of very young kids, where a few months actually does make a big difference developmentally. In my experience, by first grade the effect is minimal, and by fifth grade it has disappeared.

[Anonymous]

Yes, people are resdshiritng boys!!!! It has nothing to do with anything else but trying to give them an age advantage. According to my neighbors, it will help them get bigger, faster, and more mature. How mature must one actually be to attend K and 1st grade? It is very typical in both public and private schools.

All we are asking is do not hold our children out of school based on age, if they are ready to move forward. Create a class for the reshirt crew, and let my child move on at his rapid pace. This has nothing to do with competition or fear. Why can't we accept that some humans are simply more advanced than others, and therefore, should not be stifled by the system that wants to dumb down everything and everyone?

Why are we holding back academically prepared kids (especially boys) because of age? It is wrong!!!! We do the same crap on jobs - shut down and harass smart workers.

Montgomery County Mom

As one who was 3 years younger than my classmates throughout the process from elementary school all the way to professional school I was not at any disadvantage. Leave the older kids alone and take care of your own business if you wish to succeed. We do not need other mothers and fathers to police whose kid is ready or not ready for school. Join the real world folk.