New Independent School Parent

[Anonymous]

I am a new parent at an area Independent School. During a recent school event I felt very out of place. Not because the parents or community wasn't welcoming. Can parents offer some advice on how to meet and interact with parents at the school? I know this may seem trivial but I am not sure if it is ok to walk up to folks and just start talking. Any advice would be great. Thanks

[Anonymous]

You are going to get skewered for your innocent question, so I'm telling you now to just stop reading the posts that make you feel bad. There are meanies out here.

Go ahead and talk to the parents you meet. Introduce yourself. Set up playdates (if your child is young) and suggest you do things together with the kids to spend time with parents. It won't take any time at all to find a set of parents at the school whom you'll consider friends.

[Anonymous]

Thank - you for the post and the heads up. I would hope people would not be mean; just asking a question. Anyway there is always going to be one or two. If you feel the need to mean please do not post. OP

[Anonymous]

OP, I felt the same way too. However, up until now I was really enjoying all of the events and opportunities to meet the other parents. I think it was beacuse this was an all-school event and all the parents who already know each other wanted to catch up, which sort of leaves the new families out by default rather than by design.

[Anonymous]

Volunteer.

[Anonymous]

OP Here

Thank - you to the last two posters. . .

I never thought about it like that - old families want to catch. That puts a spin on things.

Simple advice but good advice. Only problem I work and volunteer time is tight. But I will sign up to assist when I can.

[Anonymous]

If it's a weekend or before/after hours event, always sign up for a shift. Don't feel obligated to do more than you know you can take on at this point. But if it's something that really appeals to you, take leave from work. If your child is young, it's worth the effort and the small talk gets easier. Don't let anyone intimidate you.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, I'm a painfully shy person who learned that my best way to meet people is NOT at cocktail parties, school picnics, new family events, etc. Instead, I signed up to volunteer. That way, I get to keep busy and meet people informally and spend casual, no-pressure time with them. It makes me feel way less self-conscious.

I know you don't have a lot of time, but maybe you could find one or two events that you could participate in -

Anyhow, good luck! I bet in a year you'll be greeting old friends at your school.

[Anonymous]

I'm in the same boat. New parent and new situations like these remind me that I'm actually pretty shy. I've already been to 3 events at the school, and what I do is introduce myself to friendly- and nervous-looking parents like myself. I feel that I've already made some blunders, but I keep reminding myself that by this time next year, I will be an old hat at this.

[Anonymous]

I agree - volunterring is the best way to go. Because you have something to do at the events (if you volunteer at them to help) and because you have something to talk about to others.

I'm memory challenged. Any tricks on trying to learn kids names, parents names, teachers names? The enthusiastic hello! and "your child" references make me feel so shallow! I'd like remember the details but can't.

[Anonymous]

Volunteer volunteer volunteer!
Most independant schools have loads of ways for parents to volunteer, and coming from a veteran parent, I know we always appreciate the help and "new blood". Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Another shy person here. I agree with all the comments above ... volunteering here and there is a great way to meet a few people at a time and immediately have something in common, in addition to going to the same school. The other thing I would recommend is to take it slow. If you make two or three really good friends each year, just imagine how many people you will enjoy knowing when your child is ready to graduate! No need to jump in and try to add 20 people to your social group all at once. Imagine if you were successful ... you'd have no time for anything else!!! In a few years, that will be YOU greeting and being greeted by many others at the large all school event!

[Anonymous]

It sounds weird, but have a list of three things you want to ask/could talk about with other parents. Avoid hot-button topics, but generally, people LOVE giving advice, so genuinely ask them something you need to know about!!

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Can't help but wonder why it is so important to meet and interact with other parents? You meet them eventually when your kid asks them to visit or when you give lifts home from sporting events.
They most likely are busy people themselves, scrambling to pay tuition, run the household and meet their kids needs. Just like you.

[Anonymous]

There are MANY reasons. To feel part of the community; because it will help your child feel more like he belongs; your example will teach him basic social skills; because you may need help one day if you or your spouse gets sick or worse. One of the most important reasons is that some day when your child is a teenager he may want to go to someone's house where there is no supervision and do God-knows-what and you will have no clue what's going on because you don't know the parents.