Do babies with early stranger anxiety become shy children?

[Anonymous]

I'm the OP from the "nervous about daycare" thread, and one of the replies got me thinking. DD is five months old and seems to have developed stranger anxiety very early -- she hates being held by anyone other than me and DH, especially if we're anywhere nearby. My mother says that I was the same way as a baby, from a very young age.

As it happens, I turned into a shy, socially anxious child. It didn't ruin my life -- I got gradually more socially adept by high school and certainly college, and as an adult I'm still an introvert but have plenty of close friends, a wonderful family and a good life. So even if DD does become the same awkward, shy child I was, I know she'll probably be no worse for the wear eventually. But I have to admit I'd been hoping she'd be spared some of the more painful parts of my childhood.

This is all a long way of asking -- could this early stranger anxiety be a sign of things to come? In your experience, how much do baby personalities translate to older kid personalities?

[Anonymous]

In my family the answer is yes. One of my children had extremely early and pronounced stranger anxiety and is a very shy child. The others more typical and no anxiety.

[Anonymous]

stranger anxiety is very common in infants, so I don't think this is something to worry about for the longterm

some kids may be naturally "shy" however I think over-anxious parents often contribute to a child's fears

[Anonymous]

My son had extreme stranger anxiety as an infant. He's 3 now and very outgoing and not shy at all.

[Anonymous]

I was just wondering the same thing, OP! My daughter has had pronounced stranger anxiety since I went back to work at 16 weeks--that isn't even 4 months old! And it has only gotten worse at 8 months. Iwork part time so her adjustment to the nanny wasd very slow but she is now great with the nanny. But still, nanny, DH and I are the only people who can hold her, including several people she sees regularly (that is more inresponse to your other thread) and I do wonder what this means for her future. My toddler is super outgoing and really never had stranger anxiety at all so this is new to me.

[Anonymous]

DD had stranger anxiety beginning at 6 mos. At age 3, she now has selective mutism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:stranger anxiety is very common in infants, so I don't think this is something to worry about for the longterm

some kids may be naturally "shy" however I think over-anxious parents often contribute to a child's fears

I tend to agree with this because I've seen it with my very shy and socially constrained brother. He imparted his fears and anxieties about social situations and in public places on his first born son and his son is the exact same way. It broke my heart when he was an adolescent because my brother would magnify his fears in front of my nephew who scarily latched onto them and made them his own fears. It was very sad to see the road this was all heading on. It really also hit home to me that modeling behavior can really impact a child.

[Anonymous]

No. Actually, in cognitive and psychological terms, the opposite should be true -- it should be a sign that the child is more independent, because stranger anxiety is a sign that the child recognizes he/she is a separate person apart from mom and can be left/abandoned. Thus, a sign of not shyness, but increasing awareness of self and independence.

[Anonymous]

My daughter also had extreme stranger anxiety - she was like that through preschool. Even if her teacher (or anybody else said hi, how are you - she would look at the ground and cling to my leg). But as she got older, she was totally not shy with her friends etc - very outgoing. She is in third grade now and one of the more outgoing in her class. Even with the teacher!

[Anonymous]

I dont think so. As a baby, my DD didnt like being held by anyone but me or my husband. As a toddler if a stranger said hi she'd look at the ground and cling to my leg. She didnt want people "looking at her." Now she's 5 and she's a chatty cathy/outgoing kid. We'll be in the grocery store, she'll chat up the folks behind us, store clerks, people in the parking lot. With friends, she's not shy at all. I would not believe this is the same kid.

[Anonymous]

Not the case in my family. The one with really bad, early separation anxiety is the most outgoing & social kid. The one without extreme separation anxiety is a more introverted kid.

[Anonymous]

My daughter had intense stranger anxiety (which is different than separation anxiety,) and ended up very shy.

She was great for about four weeks. She did not care who held her. Then at about 8 weeks she started caring. My sister came to visits and would not let her hold her. It only got worse. I remember at 12 weeks we went to visit inlaws, and no one could hold her.

It peaked around 18 months. She still would not let her grandparents touch her at 18 months, but started to get better at 2.5-3. What replaced the stranger anxiety was shyness. She is still extremely shy around even extended family. I am introverted, but since she came along I have had to be so much more extroverted to compensate for her.

[Anonymous]

Not necessarily. And, btw, you can be an introvert without being shy. I am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not necessarily. And, btw, you can be an introvert without being shy. I am.

OP here. This is true. I think it's actually true of me now, but as a child I was both painfully shy and an introvert.

I'm also interested in the PP's point about stranger anxiety versus separation anxiety. I would say that what DD has is stranger anxiety. Separation anxiety we haven't really tested yet, but we'll see next week when I go back to work, I suppose.

Thanks to all who have responded. It seems like this can really go either way, which is interesting to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. Actually, in cognitive and psychological terms, the opposite should be true -- it should be a sign that the child is more independent, because stranger anxiety is a sign that the child recognizes he/she is a separate person apart from mom and can be left/abandoned. Thus, a sign of not shyness, but increasing awareness of self and independence.

This was true of my child-- she seemed to have stranger anxiety much earlier than other babies, at a point when I didn't think it was possible, the pass-the-baby-around age. While she's still definitely an introvert, she is not shy at all. She's 2.5.