Parents divorce, relocation, WWYD?

[Anonymous]

My MIL is heading towards a divorce from her second husband. The unvarnished truth is that she was a working woman when she met him, became financially secure and stopped working (she thinks maybe too soon, at his request) in her 50s after they were married. They had a good relationship for a several decades, but he has always been a hard man, kind of old school and not very demonstrative emotionally. The last few years he's basically become a mean old bastard and her feelings for him and desire to care for him in his old age couldn't withstand the withering abuse. She is older (late 60s) but a fun person and still has a lot of good years left! She's also a natural salesperson, if she chose to go back to work I think she could, but she's closing on 70.

She is ready to move on but her financial picture will probably become much more restricted. Soon-to-be former husband and his kids seem eager to cut her out, which seems fair, she is not a golddigger, but she certainly would like to walk away with something to live on (maybe the house?) Not a lot of SS or retirement savings. Her sibling and extended family is in the small town out-of-state where she lives now, and of course living is cheaper there. Her only son and darling grandkids are here in DC. We would welcome her to live with us but I think we'd all be more comfortable (including her) if she had her own place. Honestly I don't think she knows if she wants to move or not.

If you've faced a similar situation, or had a relative who did, what advice would you give? What mistakes to avoid? I love my MIL very much, she's put up with a lot in the last few years not to mention being a SWM after DH's Dad cheated on her with a younger woman. I have no idea what to do to help her make a "soft" landing.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't sound like she'll get much out of the divorce. Sorry, OP. There is subsidized housing for seniors. I know Montgomery County has a program, if that's where you are. Or even if you are in DC, she could live in Bethesda. It would probably be hard for her to find a job here, between the economy, her lack of recent work experience, and her age. But she could do volunteer work, with an eye to it becoming a paying job.

[Anonymous]

Why doesn't she stay there a while, and move in with you when she needs to? She'll have less leverage for the house, etc. if she's going to move.

[Anonymous]

If she is healthy and energetic which sounds like she is, seems like she could do okay with a retail-type job and her savings/retirement/SS. I realize those aren't going to fall in her lap these days but it seems less of a long shot than a professional job at this point. I think the volunteer idea is a good one, could lead to something. She's on Medicare I assume so at least there is that.

That's a real shame. Would have been nice if she had worked longer but I get that hindsight is 20/20.

[Anonymous]

If they were married almost 20 years..she should not be walking away with almost nothing. She needs good legal advice.

[Anonymous]

17:22 is right. Find her a good lawyer before you do anything else! Good luck, and kudos to you for being such a loving daughter in law.