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Private School Family in Public School Neighborhood - Do My Neighbors Secretly Hate Me?
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Anonymous
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DC started at one of the talked about privates in NW. We did it because we thought it was the best fit for our DC. We otherwise are like everyone else in our liberal, upper-middle class, mini-van infested neighborhood.
The other day, I felt shunned, as gaggle of girlfriends were chatting. Maybe I'm just paranoid. Maybe not? What do you think? And if they are shunning me, is there anything I can do to avoid this? I am truly the same person and nothing has changed but for our school choice. |
Anonymous
| Yes. |
Anonymous
| No. |
Anonymous
| How the hell would we know, they are your girlfriends, talk to them. |
Anonymous
| Mann Elementary was not good enough for you? |
Anonymous
| They likely alternate between feeling envious and slightly superior. Eh. They'll get over it if they're good friends. |
Anonymous
| I often feel the same way. Hopefully you have something more to talk about with them than school. |
Anonymous
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The truth is that you now have a bit less in common with these women ... when they are discussing a recent PTA meeting, or which 2nd grade teacher is the best, or whether the school will offer the chess club again next year ... it won't be relevant to you and they know it. Nor will your concerns about what to donate to the annual giving campaign or the spring auction gala be of interest to them.
But if they are your friends, then you will still have far more in common than not, so should be fine! |
Anonymous
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Well, let's see, what do my girlfriends, DCUMs all, talk about?
School. Getting into school. After school activities. Car pools for school. Other parents at school. School. We're pathetic. |
Anonymous
If you must know, NO. It wasn't so much Mann. It was after-Mann which terrified me. |
Anonymous
For gosh sakes, if after-Mann is not a good fit for dc, so be it. Find another place. No problem. But were you really "terrified"?! Did you really feel that way? That's a bit over the top. It's not like Deal or Hardy are Guantanamo or Barry Farms! |
Anonymous
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On my block in DC and amonst my friends in the 4 surrounding blocks, I can count on children going to 4 separate schools. One private, one parochial, one DCPS, one DC charter.
While we are aware that we made different school choices, nobody has tried to "evangalize" anyone else to their school, or dissed anyone else's school choice. It is true that your former friends may have more coversations that revolve around their shared school--that is totally natural, but to shun you? That would seem immature, and a sign that they really aren't the types of friends you need. Personally, I'd take a really positive approach and say to them, Hey, I'd love to catch up and have the kids play! And discuss things other than school... |
Anonymous
| To me, it sounds like OP is the one who sees herself and her family as different from (better than?) her neighbors. If that is indeed the case, then I am sure that the neighbors pick up on it. That will be a lot more alienating than a school choice. |
Anonymous
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We lived in North Arlington when we applied to privates for our 1st child. We kept it very quiet because if/when neighbors heard we were doing this we got the third degree about "Why, Taylor/Jamestown/etc.. is terrific. We are so happy to send our kids there. Why aren't you?" It was pretty obnoxious actually. I never qustioned their choice to go public but they had no qualms about grilling me on our choice.
So, we moved back in to NWDC. Honestly, we had always intended to move to be close to the children's school (hopefully DC) but this attitude just spurred us on to do so more quickly. We live in a NW neighborhood with a good DCPS but no one questions us and lots of our neighbors have their kids in private, lots are at our private, which is very nice. Lots also use the public elementary. Yes, most of those plan on switching to private at somepoint, or moving, but one or two hard-core believers-in-public-education are sending their teenagers to Hardy and Wilson and their kids seem to be thriving. Different things work for different families. As for the comments about Mann above, LOTS of families we know in WH and SV send their kids to privates. Yes, lots also use Mann but, I would say if its not evenly split, more go to private. I can't imagine any of the moms or dads I know in those neighborhoods cutting you because you send your kids to private. Now, that said, some of them applied to privates and didn't get in and will continue to try, others gave up for now, and still others are planning to move in to privates later. I seriously doubt this is why anyone is shutting you out. They probably are just talking about school activities. That is what lots of moms do. 
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Anonymous
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OP, where do your neighbors send their children?
I'm concerned about this too. I live in a neighborhood with a great elementary school -- through 2nd grade. After that, not so much. We will probably start out private because we think it would be hard for DD to make the change later. |