Starting day care - tips/advice for a stressed mum!

[vmarechal60]

Hi,

We are moving and our nanny can't come with us. I am thinking about putting our 1 year old baby in daycare but I am stressed about the idea of him being in a classroom of 30-40 children with 1 teacher for 4 children. He is very sociable and loves other babies so I think he may be happy, but he is a terrible napper and is used to being picked up as soon as he cries. He is super easy going and very active but he has been in a nanny share until now and I am stressed by this transition.

I hear some worrying stories about day care but also stories about how much children thrive and are happy there.

Can anyone please share their experience of their child transitioning to day care and also the pros and cons of day care vs nanny? I am terrified by the idea of him being left to cry when he isn't used to it.

Thanks a lot!

[Anonymous]

Where are you looking that has an infant room of 30 babies?

[Anonymous]

Why aren't you looking for a new nanny share?

I probably shouldn't be on your thread, because I never put my child in daycare. Nanny share til preschool. But especially in light of all the recent attention given to lost kids, I would think that you'd be trying to stick with what's worked for you in the past.

[Anonymous]

You will definitely not be in a situation where there are 30 kids in one class.

Right now, my DD is in a class of 8 kids to 2 teachers. The space is big enough that they can play, but small enough that the teachers always have their eyes on the kids. They are in the older infant/beginning toddler class, so all the kids in there are currently 9-13 months, so they all eat together and nap together. The kids are NEVER left to cry, and in fact my daughter has had a really bad week of napping so the teachers have been rocking her to sleep, something you wouldn't think would happen at a daycare. Everytime I walk in, the kids are happy and playing. When one little girl started, she was crying constantly because she missed her mom, and everytime I came in, someone was holding her. It was actually really nice of them, because they knew she was having a rough time. Now, she is perfectly happy everytime she's in there, as are the other kids!

It's all about the daycare you choose. Take tours. Take notes on how the kids seemed, how the caretakers seem, etc. Are the teachers interacting with the kids or always in survival mode? Are the kids happy and engaged? There are a lot of great daycares! However, be aware that many of these good daycares have really long waiting lists. I was on the waiting list for our current daycare since I was 6 weeks pregnant. You might want to put your name down as soon as you see a good one!

[Anonymous]

My daughter's infant room had 8 kids and 3 teachers. Her toddler room had 8 kids - 2 teachers (and one sometimes floater).

What daycare are you thinking that has so many kids? Not in DC/VA/MD

[Anonymous]

He's one, so if he's not already walking he will be soon. He will have fun going out on walks, working on his motor coordination, singing, banging musical instruments, storytime, exploring the one year old toy bins, learning to eat all kinds of new solids, napping and meeting other babies. He will probably not get quite as much snuggling and one-on-one time as he is used to, but the teachers in those rooms tend to be warm and hands on. If they aren't you should look for a new place.
I had my first in a nanny share until 18 months, and I do think that is an ideal situation until that age or until around 2, when they start to want to socialize more. My second was in daycare from 6 months and although the teachers were great she of course did not get the immediate response the nanny had been able to give. If you've got a spot and you intend to do daycare for financial reasons I would not give it up. But if you can afford it (we couldn't) I would consider a new nanny or nanny share for one more year. Just my 2 cents.

[Anonymous]

OK so practical advice - make sure you have 2 insulated lunchboxes and ice pacs, plenty of bottles and small tupperware and sandwich sized ziplocs if you are sending lunch.
Pack 3 seasonally appropriate changes of clothes. Nap blanket & possibly a crib sheet.
You might want to schedule a few days off here and there to have fun with him or just drop in early and peek in to reassure yourself he is having fun and well taken care of. Talk regularly to the teacher and insist on a daily check sheet with info on his eating & drink consumption, sleeping times, activity and BMs.

[Anonymous]

I love our daycare. We our 6 month old is well cared for and is thriving. He LOVES "playing" with the other babies. He naps really well there (even tho up until he started I was convinced he would only nap on or with me!) and he is happy when I drop him off and happy when I pick him up.

[Anonymous]

I love our daycare. We've talked about switching to an au pair because it could work better for us logistically in some ways, but I'd be so, so sad to leave our wonderful daycare (baby is 13 months). It's hard for me to imagine that one person could take as good care of my baby as the four adults plus occasional music teachers, etc., who care for him now. I get charming notes each day about what happened, where the teacher comments on his lovely sense of humor (in a 13-month old!) and what skills he's working on. It's great.

[Anonymous]

We're in a slightly larger daycare than PPs, and the 1s room is still capped at 12 kids, with a 1:3 ratio. Although there is some crying--which is normal, and I think reasonably healthy, kids are never "left to cry." Our daughter is very happy at daycare, and we often have a hard time getting her to leave at the end of the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love our daycare. We've talked about switching to an au pair because it could work better for us logistically in some ways, but I'd be so, so sad to leave our wonderful daycare (baby is 13 months). It's hard for me to imagine that one person could take as good care of my baby as the four adults plus occasional music teachers, etc., who care for him now. I get charming notes each day about what happened, where the teacher comments on his lovely sense of humor (in a 13-month old!) and what skills he's working on. It's great.

My experience is the same. I think so much of the key to a good day care experience is the quality of the teachers. I'm certain I couldn't provide the quality of care or interaction that my kids get at their day care. The teachers have been there for years, some decades, love kids and their institutional knowledge is amazing. When my son started in day care at 2, after being in a nanny share, I was amazed at how quickly he learned things that I wouldn't have thought to teach him on my own. And with my daugther, who is eleven months, I've really benefitted from the teachers at her day care who are like second grandmothers - so much love and wonderful advice and tips. Also, I've never heard of any day care or preschool with 30 kids in any size room, for any age? Our local elementary school has fewer than 30 kids in a class (Loudoun co).

[Anonymous]

Just to echo what another poster wrote, getting into daycares can be extremely difficult, particularly in DC. My husband works for the federal government, so he has priority at some centers, but we were shut out after being on a wait list for 18 months.

WE live in the 'burbs and ran into a problem with daycares out there closing before we could get there from downtown DC (5:30 p.m.).

Depending on where you live, a state agency may conduct inspections/review of the facilities. In Virginia, these reviews are done by the department of social services and list violations which run the gamut from minor to serious.

As others mentioned, go to the daycares and ask a LOT of questions. At one place I visited, the assistant director didn't know what "tummy time" was -- major red flag. At another place, it was so chaotic I wanted to run screaming out of the place after 5 minutes. There were other places that seemed acceptable -- but the waiting lists were just too long.

Other options you may want to explore: in-home daycares and, if you can wait a few months to start work, consider Montessori preschools.

Some jurisdictions do inspections of the in-home daycare places and several of my friends and neighbors have used them and love them because they are smaller and more personal than the large facilities. Once you know which city/neighborhood you are going to be living in, post a query asking about in-home daycares in XX location.

After a year-long maternity leave, we used a sitter for the summer and then put our son into a "preschool"/daycare program at a Montessori school when he hit 18 months. At the time, we had no other choice (waitlists, pickup time, etc), but we have been happy with it because he is in a small, quiet class; he is stimulated/entertained for several hours; and he has access to nature and a playground. While the pricetag was hefty, it was comparable to area daycares.

Good luck.