Infant Room - Expectations?

[Anonymous]

My 3-month old started daycare this week at a center with locations nationwide. We chose to go with this center in large part because of the consistency/accountability we expected to find with a large company. Now I'm second-guessing our choice and could use some advice from more experienced moms.

My problems are 1) I do not get any kind of warm and fuzzy feeling from the teachers. They say hello when I drop him off, but always seem preoccupied with the other kids, and tell me to just leave him on the floor mat. They are polite and business -like but don't seem particularly enthusiastic about DS or any of the other kids. 2) every time I pick him up he's either on the mat or in the swing. I have yet to see them interact with him. They are holding other kids and he's pretty much being ignored. 3) there are always fussing/crying babies and the teachers seem to ignore them. The other day one was howling the whole time I was dropping off (about seven min) and I didn't hear/see the teachers interact with her at all. I get that there are only two teachers for eight babies, but I felt so badly for the baby and like a horrible mom for leaving DS and knowing he could be ignored the same way. I mean, at least sit near the baby and make reassuring noises or something while you finish feeding the other kid.

DS is the youngest one in the room and I know he's so young that he can't do much yet. But he just looks sad, alone and bored during drop off/pickup. I feel like hes just lying there staring at the ceiling all day. Am I overreacting? FTM jitters? Maybe we'd be better off with a nanny, but I don't think we can afford one. I should add that I don't go back to work until next week so this has been a "trial run" and I've been dropping off/picking up outside the normal morning/evening rush times so I think this is pretty representative of how the days go.

What advice can you give me? Am I totally overreacting? What are the infant room environments like in your centers? And yes, I did visit before enrolling but it was a scheduled tour and different teachers last year.
Thanks in advance for any feedback!

[Anonymous]

This is why I went with an in-home daycare. I wanted to know who was taking care of my baby. There can be lots of turnover at a center, and for me that wouldn't work.

When I interviewed for in-home centers, I asked for references. I spoke with families whose children were cared for directly by the provider.

Trust your instincts. If this isn't working, look elsewhere. Your baby will be fine while you make other arrangements. This is not a "do or die" situation. You'll figure it out.

[Anonymous]

Give it a little time, but this wasn't my experience in my larger center. Babies were always held and while yes, sometimes they'd be put in bouncers or seats as they got older, those seats and bouncers would be placed in a circle so that the babies could see the caregiver and other babies while the caregivers were feeding another baby. Even if they couldnt immediately get to a fussy baby, I would hear them make reassuring noises and they would always get to them to comfort them. The infant room was always near the front desk, so if they got too many fussing at once, they'd stick a head out and call in reinforcements. You would often see the infant coordinator holding a baby.

How old are all the babies in the room, though? There's just so much you can do with a room of three month olds. But the ones who are at least six months, they should be interacted with and not just left. I didn't start my son in a center until he was eight months old due to timing in the year, and when he was three months he was in a home daycare that only had two babies. You might want to check out other centers for the long term and get on their waiting lists, and find a home caregiver for the infant year.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you both for your responses! I feel better knowing my instincts aren't totally off base. We are still on the wait list at one other center (in fact, my top choice), so I may contact them and see if there's a chance of getting off the wait list soon. In the meantime, I will also look into in-home daycare.

Do most centers have multiple chairs/swings/etc for the infant room? So far I have only seen one swing. The only other seats I've seen are the little "high chairs" they use to feed the older infants.

Thanks again!
It

[Anonymous]

05:17 here. There aren't as many as one per child, but they have a variety of exersaucers, some bouncy chairs, play mats, etc. They also have rocking chairs for the caregivers. They also let them down on the floor, although I'm not sure they do that at three months (most kids are older in September when they take in new classes. The youngest infant room is often mostly empty in September and fills up during the year as the people who reserved the slots have babies who are ready to start).

And where are you? I don't think two teachers for eight babies is in ratio. I'm pretty sure that it's supposed to be no more than 1:3 for infants. Even if it's legal in your jurisdiction, a 1:4 at that age isn't good care.

[Anonymous]

1 to 4 is a horrible ratio. I would leave, OP, even if you need to start from scratch trying to find a home daycare.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I'm in NoVa. I think there are eight babies enrolled but I'm not positive - I will double check when I drop him off today. I don't think I've ever seen more than five or six awake but I guess I assumed the others were napping/absent. The crib area is pretty dark. I may have miscounted.

Most of the babies appear to be 6 months+. There are a couple just a few weeks older than mine and mine is the youngest. I hate to be "that" mom, especially as I know the employees are not highly compensated, but I guess for the amount we are paying I expected a little more. When I was pregnant I didn't really know what to look for as far as the environment. Now I'm noticing things I didn't before.

I'm going to give it a little more time, but also start looking into other options. My other issue is that the toddler/preschool rooms look fantastic and I'd love him to go there when he's older. There is a hideously long wait list for this place, and we were the last people to get off it for the infant room. Part of me says to just ride it out and it will get better as he gets older, but the other part of me screams get out now.

Thanks for all your insight! I really do appreciate it as I don't have any friends with babies in daycare (all SAHM or nannies) so not a lot of people to offer advice.

[Anonymous]

OP, this is a really hard time. Once your baby is sitting up, it will seem different. I don't know about you, but when I was at home with my babies I wasn't entertaining them all the time they were awake.

[Anonymous]

Big centers will be always cold and business like. If you want more personal attention, you need to switch to nanny, share or in-home. I believe, centers are better for older kids, but infants need personal attention, they develop better when somebody is talking, singing, smiles to them.

[Anonymous]

I hope you're able to find another daycare you like better. We're very pleased with our home daycare (in DC). The provider is voluntarily accredited through a daycare association in addition to the licensing process including inspections in DC. I'm not sure what Virginia's regulation of home daycares is like. Our provider is very warm with the babies/children, holds our baby a lot (he's the youngest), tells us what he enjoyed doing (even as a 3 month-old), and fills out sheets with nap times, diaper changes, and meals. They have outdoor time on her playground and go to the library and rec center for storytime. All that is to say that there are better daycares out there--here's hoping that you're able to get into one soon!

[Anonymous]

Our DS was at a larger center - 24 infants in the infant room and we had the same experience. He left around 9 months for a nanny share - fast forward to now, he's 3 and our DD, who is ten months just started at an independent, non-profit center where our son is in day care. So I'm at a point where I can compare the two experiences and I can say for sure that the providers at the smaller, independent center are much, much better. Maybe its because there are only 7 kids in the infant room, but even the new babies who don't interact much and can't sit up get a big warm greeting from the teachers when they arrive and hugs, etc. The three teachers in the room have been there for years and years, while the teachers at the other center were younger and there was higher turnover. I hate to give you a somewhat negative view of your current situation, because certainly the babies at my DD's day care spend a lot of time in swings and not being held, but simply the enthusiasm and interaction and interest is so much warmer for my daugther than it was at my son's center. Now that I'm thinking about it, I'm not sure if this even has anything to do with whether its a large corporation running things versus smaller versus in home--I think it actually might just depend on the teachers doing the actual caregiving. My DD's teachers just seem to adore the babies, which means they are interested in how they slept and how their mood is and excited to see them. The teachers at my son's infant day care just seemed harried and uninterested. I can tell you that I feel so much better leaving my daugther than I did with my son. HTH.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have been in your shoes. I was a wreck when I left my 6 mo old at a Center day care for the first time. I had the same experience-- the teachers seemed competent but not as warm as I would have liked. And I was upset to see my son lying in a boppy or mat when I came to pick him up. The fact is that with 8-9 babies, your child simply cannot be held all the time. When there are 3 providers, 1 will almost always be changing a diaper/dealing with a blowout etc, so there will only be 2 available. Babies cry and with only 3 providers, they can't get to all babies all the time.

Honestly, I have to say that it does get better because your baby will get older and more independent. Also, I spent a lot of time in the room and started to understand the rythyms of the room and felt more comfortable: I could walk in and babies would be screaming and within 5 minutes, the providers had the room quiet (one baby needs a bottle, one needs a toy, etc).

However, at the end of the day, I never felt 100% comfortable with it. I always rushed to get him at the end of the day.

You need to decide what's best for you. I'll also say that for preschool and 3+, there will be A LOT of choices beyond center day cares. There's DCPS, there are more preschools with full-day calendars (I am at one now.). So, if you're not comfortable, I wouldn't necessarily keep you kid there for the future.

[Anonymous]

From the other perspective, I started my 4 month old in a national center as well. I felt very similar to you - and got lots of advice here. Drop off and pick up are difficult times to gage exactly what is going on with your center because, during that time, they are trying to care for the babies who just arrived or are having issues. For example, babies are usually being changed and fed every two hours (including yours) so if you are dropping off - most likely a baby that was dropped of a little while ago is being checked for a dirty diaper (or wet). I used to worry about the fact that she spent time in a bouncy chair, on the mat doing tummy time, or whatever.

Flash forward - my 3 year old child who is in the same center is thriving! Yesterday at pick-up she had to stop at every room on the way out the door to hug all her "teachers" including her old infant teachers (which made me late getting home). Last Saturday she asked me why we weren't going to school today.

My advice: ask questions. Ask how often your child is held, changed, fed, etc. Ask if he/she is rocked to sleep or carried around. Take a lunch break and show up and see what is going on during the non-busy times. Make friends with other parents in the classroom and get a feel for what is going on with your kid during other times of the day.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

OP - I've had the same feelings. And, forced myself to have a conversation with the providers. They would want us to put DC down on the floor/in a bouncer/etc. when we arrived and it tore me apart to see DC either (1) crying or (2) just sitting there. I understand that they have other children to care for and if all hell was breaking loose I would not expect them to drop everything to focus on my child, but I needed to hand DC off to someone, not just pop into a seat, etc. Things went much better once we had the conversation. We are now at our second center (due to moving) and I notice that each day the teachers bend down to greet each child (this is the toddler room now) - I would expect the same in the infant room. Yes, some providers are warmer than others, but if you are not getting the service you are paying (alot!) for you need to politely and professionally bring it up.

[Anonymous]

OP again. Thank you so much to all of you for your thoughtful responses. You've given me a lot to consider and discuss with H. I feel so much better hearing others' experiences in both centers and in-home. I'm definitely going to try out all suggestions, especially talking with the providers and other parents before we make a decision. Again, I really appreciate everyone's input! I was a wreck last night and feel much better today.