If your knew ahead of time your child would have special needs...

[Anonymous]

How did you mentally prepare yourself? I've known since our diagnosis at 20 weeks that this baby has some brain issues that will mean therapies and delays in many areas. The closer we get to birth (probably a couple weeks away), the more freaked out I'm getting. It's probably a silly worry that will go away the moment I see my child, but I'm worried about how they will look and if I will instantly love them as I did when I first saw older DC. Older DC is amazing, funny, smart, adorable and overall the most awesome kid I've ever met - how will I stop myself from constantly comparing them? The 'what ifs' are crowding my head. I know there aren't any answers you all can give and that so much is just wait and see. Just wondering how you coped if you knew anything ahead of time.

[Anonymous]

OP,

Are you the same person who posted last week about feeling guilty about causing your kid's SN?

Even if not, you sound like you need more help than a message board can provide. Please seek professional help, i.e., a therapist ASAP.

[Anonymous]

What I would do if I were you is prepare financially. Therapies are outrageously expensive and mostly not covered by insurance and financial stress is a big part of the stress that SN parents feel. If I had known ahead of time, I would have been saving money/put money aside for my child's therapies.
Don't worry about not loving your child, you will love your child no matter what, you might even love your SN child more than older DC b/c you will feel overprotective of your SN child.

[Anonymous]

Get outside help with family duties...babysitters, cleaning help, family...make sure you have time off and get good rest so you can be available to support your kids.

[Anonymous]

First of all, only God knows for sure. Humans knowledge of the central nervous system is very weak, I learnt (even though at times it sounds like we have it all figured out).

Eat healthy, think positive thoughts, say your prayers, and enjoying playing with your other child.

[Anonymous]

I think it sounds like you are mentally preparing yourself just by thinking through all of these issues. I guess the only other thing you can do at this point is to research who the best people for your LO's "team" will be, from docs to therapists. I think for us, once we had a good team in place who we trusted (and we did go through several not so great docs and therapists), then we felt we had a solid plan for moving forward and knowing we were doing all we could. The truth is that even with all the information the doctors can give you now, it really will take time for you to see what the real issues to address are and are not. All you can do during that time is know the steps you will eventually take should they be needed, and love your LO with all you've got regardless. I'm sure you will have conflicting feelings over time, but that sounds pretty darn normal to me, so don't beat yourself up over it if you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Older DC is amazing, funny, smart, adorable and overall the most awesome kid I've ever met - how will I stop myself from constantly comparing them?

I thought that about my first before second was born. Now I laugh - they are utterly different and utterly lovable in their different ways. Relax and enjoy the anticipation. Everything will work out okay, you're getting a gift that ordinary families never get.

[Anonymous]

I can't help with the question about how to prepare (I didn't prepare myself because it was unclear what awaited me), but I can tell you without a doubt you are going to love this child. My SN kid is the light of my universe and I couldn't love him any more than I do. Life is not without it's challenges, but there is not a day that passes that i don't thank God for such an incredible blessing! My child has some issues, but in so many ways I wouldn't change anything about him. He is perfect in my eyes :o)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Older DC is amazing, funny, smart, adorable and overall the most awesome kid I've ever met - how will I stop myself from constantly comparing them?

I thought that about my first before second was born. Now I laugh - they are utterly different and utterly lovable in their different ways. Relax and enjoy the anticipation. Everything will work out okay, you're getting a gift that ordinary families never get.

This.

Also, my potentially SN kid has shown herself to be completely healthy thus far. OTOH, my "healthy" first born has developed some problems. You just never know...

[Anonymous]

I educated myself about our health insurance and the policies and procedures, and what it would cover and what it would not be. I investigated specialists in this area and decided what team we would go with. Then, I just sat and waited until she arrived, believing in and hoping for the best, but knowing we were prepared for the worst, and knowing we had done all we could do up until that point!