how to handle mil weight issue
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Anonymous
| My mil is here for a visit. She is morbidly obese. I'm not sure how to discuss the issues with dh. She cant go up and down our stairs easily and I don't want her doing it holding the baby. I want her to play with the baby but she cant so all she does is hold humane watch Tv. She cant get out of a chair without huge effort so if the baby needs something we have totake the baby so shecan get up. When picking up the baby she cant bend down to properly support him so she just grabs a limb and gets him up however. Husband is in denial there is an issue. Advice? |
Anonymous
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If she were paralyzed would you be a little more compassionate about it?
She's able to do what she can. My SIL's MIL was tiny and had serious osteoporosis, but she weighed about 90 lbs. She could get up holding a baby either. |
Anonymous
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*couldn't* get up holding a baby.
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Anonymous
| Oh that sucks. I think you already know that you cannot leave mil with your baby unattended. Period. And mil already knows that she is fat. Like debilitating fat. But, unfortunately, it does need to be communicated to mil that you do not feel comfortable with her caring for (or even handling) baby by herself. I think you are past any sort of "mil, you need to lose weight" conversation. |
Anonymous
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OP, are you as dense as you are heartless?
Simply take the baby (and not in an uptight huffy way) if you MIL is trying to get up from the couch or before she tries to go upstairs. |
Anonymous
| Op here. Safety is my concern. So no compassion is not on my mind since I worry about her ability to respond to needs. Walwith a disease it is easier to talk openly about it and accommodate. With this ... |
Anonymous
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19:46 here again. I take issue with your mil struggling with tasks like getting up while holding baby yet still trying. It's like she's in denial and wants to prove she is capable when she isn't, at the expense of your child's safety.
My mom has a back issue that prevents her from doing many things. As much as it kills her pride and as much as she wants to help me out and be an involved grandparent, she often sits certain things out. She will let me know that she isn't comfortable putting my kids up on the changing table or lifting them out of the bath. Not because it's uncomfortable for her, but because she's not 100% certain that she wouldn't lose her grip or have a shooting pain that could cause her to drop the baby. She puts pride aside and safety first. Your mil should be doing the same. |
Anonymous
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You don't.
MAYBE your husband does. YOU DON'T. |
Anonymous
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Address this more by your actions than your words. There is a lot of value in tacit understandings! Take the baby from her when she gets up, or has to walk up or down the stairs, etc.
If your fear is that she thinks she is perfectly capable of doing all these things, then say calmly yet firmly: "Let me know when want to go down the stairs - I have to carry the baby for you". "Please never lift the baby like this, you could hurt him. Ask me to lift him up for you." My mother has Multiple Sclerosis and cannot care for my children by herself. But as you say, obesity brought on by bad habits (and not a metabolic/genetic disease) is more embarrassing to address. |
Anonymous
| She can play with the baby if he's in a high chair and she's sitting next to him. Think in terms of adapting to her disability as best you can. And other PPs are right, be kind but firm about the stairs, etc. |
Anonymous
| My MIL is like that and she watches my nephew FT. Somehow they're both surviving- nephew is three- she has been watching him since he was a newborn. |
Anonymous
OP, obviously , you should have set up a room for her on fixings floor do she doesn't have to go up and down stairs , but that w |
Anonymous
OP, obviously , you should have set up a room for her on fixings floor do she doesn't have to go up and down stairs , but that would mean that you actually had a smidgen of compassion in your tiny mean spirited, hateful soul. You are slime |
Anonymous
| Should bf, first floor so she doesn't have to go up and down ... |
Anonymous
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OP, I am in the same situation as you. My MIL is obese AND she apparently is also bipolar (although I have not really seen evidence of this ever). I have to say (and if I am flamed for this it is well-deserved and I know I am being terrible) that I really resent my MIL for this issue. I resent the sadness she is putting my husband in by ruining her own health. I resent that she can't regularly come and visit (she lives abroad) and play with her grandchild, or babysit her once in awhile. I know intellectually that it is NONE OF MY BUSINESS how my MIL chooses to live her life, and I know that it is SO HARD to lose weight, and yet I still resent that she continues to consume gallons of pepsi and junk food everyday and is not willing to even try to get back on track. I resent that we will probably be on the hook and help pay for her inevitable health problems. I resent that she is sixty-something and she and my FIL live like people in their eighties. The sad part is that I really like her, my MIL is SOOO sweet and is such a kind person, and I have all these feelings simmering under the surface.
Ahhh. It was nice to let that out. Back to repressing my emotions and pretending like nothing is wrong. |