My new middle schooler is suddenly acting like a teenager, when she is not even 12 yet.

[Anonymous]

She has gone from being a little girl playing to a girl who paints her nails, flings her hair, and hangs out in her room listening to music. I am at a loss, she just seems so young to be acting this way? And sullen at times too! I'm guessing it is her friends she has at school or watching the older girls. It's making me really blue to think she is this secretive tween now. We are in a wonderful diverse community with a great school and I'm just not prepared for this yet. Any advice? both on how to give her some space to let her try out little personas but on also how to keep her on a good path focused more on academics than surface beauty/clothing/etc. (and no this is not behavior modelled at home, we are way behind on the trends, so she is not getting it from us).

[Anonymous]

My son started middle school when he was 10. I saw an immediate change too. I think this is just what happens during the middle school year.

My advice is embrace it. I love having a 12 year old, I love the conversations we have, realizing the things we have in common, and watching his personality grow and transform. Don't get me wrong, its not all fun and games, this is by far the most challenged I've been thus far but overall I'm enjoying watching his growth.

I still have a 7 year old though, so I may be a little more sad about it when it happens to him. LOL

[Anonymous]

The moodiness is very typical for the age and has to do with the initial bursts of hormonal changes. Nail polish is completely age appropriate, and hanging out in her room listening to music sounds like me at that age, decades ago.

You are going through a developmental stage along with your daughter in that you have to begin to learn how to pull back and let her grow up. Step by step she is going to start doing things that are not little girl-like. You will make yourself crazy if you fight this or feel unhappy about it and you run the risk of losing touch with her. A girl who knows her mother thinks painting her nails at 11 is somehow inappropriate will not confide in that mother when she's exposed to things that really are inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

Public schools

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The moodiness is very typical for the age and has to do with the initial bursts of hormonal changes. Nail polish is completely age appropriate, and hanging out in her room listening to music sounds like me at that age, decades ago.

You are going through a developmental stage along with your daughter in that you have to begin to learn how to pull back and let her grow up. Step by step she is going to start doing things that are not little girl-like. You will make yourself crazy if you fight this or feel unhappy about it and you run the risk of losing touch with her. A girl who knows her mother thinks painting her nails at 11 is somehow inappropriate will not confide in that mother when she's exposed to things that really are inappropriate.

Thank you I needed to hear this and I so want to keep my connection with her without pushing her away with my worries (I grew up in a small town and am so not used to a more urban lifestyle with sadly somewhat more cynical children). I just hope to keep the child in her alive and well as she grows to adulthood.

[Anonymous]

My daughter is in 6th grade and half the time she acts like you describe, then she'll go down the street and play with the neighbor (a 4th grader) just like in ES. I think it's normal!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The moodiness is very typical for the age and has to do with the initial bursts of hormonal changes. Nail polish is completely age appropriate, and hanging out in her room listening to music sounds like me at that age, decades ago.

You are going through a developmental stage along with your daughter in that you have to begin to learn how to pull back and let her grow up. Step by step she is going to start doing things that are not little girl-like. You will make yourself crazy if you fight this or feel unhappy about it and you run the risk of losing touch with her. A girl who knows her mother thinks painting her nails at 11 is somehow inappropriate will not confide in that mother when she's exposed to things that really are inappropriate.

Thank you I needed to hear this and I so want to keep my connection with her without pushing her away with my worries (I grew up in a small town and am so not used to a more urban lifestyle with sadly somewhat more cynical children). I just hope to keep the child in her alive and well as she grows to adulthood.

You can't keep the child in her alive. You can't keep anything. She is beginning to become her own person and the one thing you can guarantee is that on the outside she won't become your image of what a teenager should be. This is the part that is developmentally appropriate for her, she needs to separate and you need to separate. Save your battles for the important things and try to under rather than over react. That is the key to maintaining good communication.

[Anonymous]

I mean you can't keep her a child! This is what happens when i type before my morning cup of coffee. So, so sorry.

[Anonymous]

Mine was recently watching some innapropriate sexual video on YouTube on her iPod touch. We don't monitor so not sure exactly what it was. But curiosity of this sort is probably age appropriate too.

She shielded whatever she was watching tho from her younger sisters when they came into her room at that time.

So, op it gets worse! 7th grade here

[Anonymous]

On surviving the middle school years: welcome to hell.

It gets worse before it gets better. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine was recently watching some innapropriate sexual video on YouTube on her iPod touch. We don't monitor so not sure exactly what it was. But curiosity of this sort is probably age appropriate too.

She shielded whatever she was watching tho from her younger sisters when they came into her room at that time.

So, op it gets worse! 7th grade here

You probably should be monitoring her. She is not an adult. I say this as someone who had the internet as a teenager and looked up all kinds of crap I shouldn't have and I kind of wish my mom had been keeping tabs on me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On surviving the middle school years: welcome to hell.

It gets worse before it gets better. Good luck!

And high school is even worse than middle school. Lordy, I'm not sure I'm going to survive this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine was recently watching some innapropriate sexual video on YouTube on her iPod touch. We don't monitor so not sure exactly what it was. But curiosity of this sort is probably age appropriate too.

She shielded whatever she was watching tho from her younger sisters when they came into her room at that time.

So, op it gets worse! 7th grade here

You probably should be monitoring her. She is not an adult. I say this as someone who had the internet as a teenager and looked up all kinds of crap I shouldn't have and I kind of wish my mom had been keeping tabs on me.

Please keep tabs on her. I got in some serious trouble online when I was younger and wish my parents had been aware of it enough to help. I was too embarrassed to ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine was recently watching some innapropriate sexual video on YouTube on her iPod touch. We don't monitor so not sure exactly what it was. But curiosity of this sort is probably age appropriate too.

She shielded whatever she was watching tho from her younger sisters when they came into her room at that time.

So, op it gets worse! 7th grade here

You probably should be monitoring her. She is not an adult. I say this as someone who had the internet as a teenager and looked up all kinds of crap I shouldn't have and I kind of wish my mom had been keeping tabs on me.

Please keep tabs on her. I got in some serious trouble online when I was younger and wish my parents had been aware of it enough to help. I was too embarrassed to ask.

Can you share with us to learn?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On surviving the middle school years: welcome to hell.

It gets worse before it gets better. Good luck!

And high school is even worse than middle school. Lordy, I'm not sure I'm going to survive this.

+1

and

+1 again