Gift Dilemma

[Anonymous]

My nephew is turning 2 in a few weeks. My brother-in-law is extremely, rabidly frugal -- he absolutely hates spending money, though he makes a ton, and is vehemently anti-"stuff". He has declared that no one should get his son any more toys (and he has been systematically getting rid of most of the toys in the house for a few months).

He says that his son has plenty of time to play with toys when he's at daycare. He thinks that at home, his child should either be outside in nature, or inside reading books.

That's a nice ideal, but it's just not reality. Kids need stuff to play with to develop their fine and gross motor skills. But he won't hear it. And my SIL has basically checked out of the whole debate -- when I asked her what their son would like for his birthday, she said she hadn't had time to think about that.

My heart says to send this kid some nice toys, but my head says to just send some books and not cause any drama. WWYD?

[Anonymous]

My mother bought my kids a set of bean bags that come with a CD of games to play with the bean bags. It was from an educational store...it's not a traditional "toy" and something he could do with a few friends...doesn't take up a lot of space and doesn't look hideous. Would your BIL be okay with something like that?

[Anonymous]

As arbitrary and unreasonable as your BIL's position sounds, I think you should try to work within his parameters. Otherwise, you run the risk of creating ill will. Also, he'll probably toss your toy (and your money).

Get a book or an "outside" toy or activity.

[Anonymous]

Are balls allowed? Craft items? Puzzles? Some toys are ok. This sounds extreme and a little looney.

[Anonymous]

Best money I've ever spent on a toy for my kids is a sand/water table. If they have the space outside, that may be a good compromise. At 5 yrs old, my daughter still plays with it. And sometimes even her older brother. Plus, they're great for play dates. However, we usually only have either just sand or water in it at a time. Otherwise it's really just a mud table.

[Anonymous]

magnatiles - great toy and yet, educational.

weird stance.

[Anonymous]

My kids loved (and still love!) their play silks (like these: http://www.magiccabin.com/play-silks_p26.html)--awesome for all sorts of imaginative play. Maybe your BIL won't dismiss them.

[kj518]

What about crafts like another PP suggested?

[Anonymous]

How about a toy for exploring nature? Like a kids binoculars?

[Anonymous]

I didn't have a ton of toys when my son was two, but this sounds ridiculous. The kid is a toddler. I'm not sure what to say, other than "wow".

Of better yet, get this kid play doh. Its creative, tactile, and non-toxic. I pitched an internal fit when my son got play doh on his second birthday ("who's going to come an get this stuff out of the carpet?" so I put it up in the closet until close to 3) but it sounds like your BIL deserves it.

[Anonymous]

I would send some nice loud, with light leap frog or vtech toys.

[Anonymous]

I sure hope they live in a nice warm climate. Otherwise the winter is going to get really old when they're traipsing around the backyard when it's 35 degrees and windy.

What if you did clothes? Kid won't care, but maybe it won't get thrown away!

[Anonymous]

He definitely sounds like he's going off the deep end. However, a small part of me can relate to begging my parents to back off on the multiple gifts per Christmas/Birthday, and them completely ignoring me. It amazing the amount of crap you can accumulate in only two short years of a kids life.

I would get some great board books. There are some great ones. Your brother might be going through a particularly stressful time. Give him time to mellow, and in the meantime, at two, your nephew won't know the difference.

[Anonymous]

I feel this way. We live in a small condo in the city with only a balcony as our outdoor space and I really don't want tons of crap all over the place. The baby's bedroom is small, there's no playroom, and I want our living room to be an adult-space. So she's got about a dozen toys total, and I don't want to have much more than that.