Levels of friends on Facebook

[Anonymous]

I have a longtime friend (20 years) who recently sort of de-friended me on Facebook. She didn't completely de-friend me, but she is a very active FB user and she used to post stuff several times a week, but then I realized that she hasn't posted anything for a month. I am 99% sure she is still very active on FB but made lists and put me in the "acquaintance" category. I noticed that I can no longer see any of her mobile upload photos. She recently took a fun trip and it was odd to me that she didn't post any photos. It turns out, of course she posted photos, but I cannot see them. Should I make her an "acquaintance", too, and block her from seeing my photos and posts? I don't really want to put any of my FB friends in any sort of category, but, at the same time, if she considers me just an acquaintance who is not worthy of seeing her posts, I don't feel like sharing my posts with her either. I post stuff frequently, but it is always stuff that I don't mind any of my FB friends seeing. I post very occasional photos of the kids and a lot of very ordinary, local-oriented stuff, such as a play coming up or about the school auction. (I live in a small scenic town). She lives about one hour away and we don't get together that often because we are both busy with work and kids. However, we are part of a group of friends who do try to get together about 4 times a year for a girls' night out. I have always been a supportive friend to her during her divorce, etc. I am a lawyer. She will call me for legal questions and she will invite me to a Pampered Chef party. I do sort of feel like a 2nd or 3rd tier friend. We are on good terms. However, I know I am not part of her inner-circle. Still, I feel bad that she doesn't want me to see anything she posts anymore. I am an ordinary middle aged suburban mother, not some nutty stalker. I have known her and her family for so long. I was her roommate, too, long ago, for a short time. She never posted anything hugely consequential, just ordinary stuff. I like FB to keep up with friends I can't get together with as much as I'd like to...So, do I move her to an "acquaintance", too?

[Anonymous]

Hi there. I know, this is hurtful. But you say that you know that you are not in her inner circle...maybe for some reason she decided to only share everything with that inner circle. I know it hurts to be excluded, but maybe almost everyone is excluded now (except her inner circle), and therefore it really isn't personal.

Maybe she woke up one day and said, 'hmm, i wonder if my FB friends who are outside of my inner circle get sick of my endless and inconsequential FB posts?' And maybe for that reason, she changed her settings - because she felt like she was doing people a favor.

I'd try not to let it bother you. GL.

[Anonymous]

I have only moved people into my acquaintance group if a. They are a "courtesy" friend that I felt I had to accept their friend request. Or b. They post so much about stuff I don't really care about that it made sense moving them to acquaintance so that I don't see them on my newsfeed so much. Do you post more than you think about stuff that she isn't interested in, she could have moved you for that reason. Or she just may feel you're not as interested in her life as other friends are.

Oh, and then there are friends who post all kinds of political things. They are ALL in my acquaintance folder!

[Anonymous]

OP here: I can understand her blocking herself from seeing my posts (although I don't post any out of the ordinary)...but what hurt me is that she won't let me see her posts. She is very self-involved. I noticed that she never commented much on anyone's posts, but she expected and received (from me and others) lots of comments and support, esp. during her divorce and early days as a single mother. I never wrote anything unkind - just liked her photos or wrote a quick comment. i just think that it is weird to have levels of friends, if they are really friends, and not just work acquaintances. I can see putting co-workers or supervisors in a sep. category, but I thought I was her real-life friend.

[Anonymous]

OP: I know I shouldn't let it hurt my feelings, but it feels awkward to me that she can see what I post, but I am not allowed to see what she posts, esp. when we are longtime friends. I know I am not as close to her as others, but I have know her forever and I know all her family members and other friends, too. I think I will make her an "acquaintance" although it is a pain that everything time I post something, I will have to remember to check a box that only friends, but not acquaintances can see it. I wish FB had a reciprocity button - where if someone puts you into the acquaintance level, then they also can't see your posts and you become their acquaintance, too. It just seems so one-sided that she has essentially de-friended me, but I haven't de-friend her.

[Anonymous]

It is facebook. Please calm down. I rarely comment, like, whatever on other people's posts unless it has to do with a birthday, engagement, wedding, pregnancy announcement, birth of baby, or death of family member. I don't expect people to comment on my stuff either. That is just not what I use facebook for. That does not make me self-involved. I miss what facebook used to be like. People take it so darn seriously now and consider everything a slight against them.

[Anonymous]

OP, sometimes this happens by accident. One day I noticed I couldn't see posts of a good friend who I actually talk to every day. She was unaware it happened and fixed it so I could once again see her posts.

[Anonymous]

I have different levels. If:
- I haven't seen you or called you in a couple years;
- You didn't congratulate me when I had a baby (not in a petty way like I need to congratulated, but if someone isn't close enough to send a 'congrats!' which takes no effort at all, you're probably not someone who needs to know what's going on in my life);
- You are offensive put up too much crazy political stuff;
- You requested to be a friend, but I didn't really want to be friends...

then you are on my limited profile list, and you don't see anything that I post or any of my pictures. The vast majority of these people probably haven't even noticed they can't see what I post; we just aren't close. I think a couple people have defriended me because of it, but that's ok. I feel bad defriending people, never know who's mentally unstable, but I'm ok if they do.

I don't need essentially random people knowing all about my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, sometimes this happens by accident. One day I noticed I couldn't see posts of a good friend who I actually talk to every day. She was unaware it happened and fixed it so I could once again see her posts.

I agree with this, the settings among my facebook friends seem totally wonky.

It also seems like you don't actually like this woman that much, so maybe it isn't a big loss. You could always try to reconnect with her and see if she really seems like a person you want to be friends with, if not then stop feeling like you have to answer when she calls for legal advice.

[Anonymous]

OP here: I visited her in the hospital when she had her kids. We attended each other's baby showers and some birthday parties. So we are friends. What I thinking now is - maybe she doesn't really like me so much. Or, I am not her "close friend." I just don't categorize people who are friends into such categories on FB. (I can understand doing this with very long ago classmates or folks who are just truly acquaintances or just co-workers.) it is awkward to me because we both use FB a lot. It wouldn't matter if neither of us used it very much. But it was very obvious to me that she has excluded me because we used to have interaction on FB.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she realized that she doesn't want anyone but family seeing her kid's pics? Maybe she wants to keep things very private? Maybe she's tired of hearing certain things and put everyone on a limited profile? Maybe she made her own profile limited? There are lots of reasons. I honestly do not understand your hang up with this. IT IS FACEBOOK! Do you guys talk regularly off facebook?

You're way overthinking this IMHO. Then again, I have never understood all these weird hang ups and slights that people have about facebook.