What is the best way to document safety concerns?

[Anonymous]

Either while still married or re: visitation? I'm planning to meet with a lawyer but could use some BTDT advice in the meantime.

[Anonymous]

I send an email. "Since Jane is now 8 years old and an excellent swimmer, I will agree to allow her to go to the beach with you this summer. As you know, Markie is only three and still does not know how to swim. I am not comfortable with him at the beach with the large waves, serious undertow, and - as you know, since people drown there every year - dangerous riptides. Also, from many years of vacationing there with you, I know how you enjoy playing horseshoes and drinking beer, and allowing the kids to play on their own at the edge of the surf. I don't feel comfortable that Markie would have the level of supervision he needs to stay safe. Therefore can we agree to send Janie with you this year, and we'll see how Marki's swimming is doing next summer.

Yes I know it's a bit much. But it's courteous and documents all my concerns. I'm talking above about a potentially life-threatening situation, plus alcohol. I have to be strong for my kids and put it all out there, even if my ex gets mad at me or tells people I'ma paranoid, overprotective nut. Every time I think about NOT documenting or NOT advocating for my kids, I think about the alternative: Me at the hospital, getting bad news, because my ex is an irresponsible ASS.

OP if you give me a specific situation I will write down for you how I would address it. So far I've been sucessful in protecting my kids, esp. the younger one about whom I worry the most.

[Anonymous]

I'm a divorced mom...and think pp needs TONS of therapy. Let it go, you can't control everyone. Your kids WILL NOT like you for trying to be so controlling over their relationship with their Dad. You hide behind the guise of protection. It is alienation.

[Anonymous]

A lot of things you can't control. How old are your kids?
I practice/push safety at home. Have your kid remind you to buckle carseat, have kid taught to ask to hold hands to cross road, teach kid how to go up and downstairs.

I still give reminders but word more like.... We are struggling with holding hands and not running off can you help us work on that.

It reminds dad without sounding condescending.

[Anonymous]

A lot of things you can't control. How old are your kids?
I practice/push safety at home. Have your kid remind you to buckle carseat, have kid taught to ask to hold hands to cross road, teach kid how to go up and downstairs.

I still give reminders but word more like.... We are struggling with holding hands and not running off can you help us work on that.

It reminds dad without sounding condescending.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a divorced mom...and think pp needs TONS of therapy. Let it go, you can't control everyone. Your kids WILL NOT like you for trying to be so controlling over their relationship with their Dad. You hide behind the guise of protection. It is alienation.

Did you divorce your husband because he was abusive? Neglectful? An alcoholic? If not, you should not throw stones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a divorced mom...and think pp needs TONS of therapy. Let it go, you can't control everyone. Your kids WILL NOT like you for trying to be so controlling over their relationship with their Dad. You hide behind the guise of protection. It is alienation.

Did you divorce your husband because he was abusive? Neglectful? An alcoholic? If not, you should not throw stones.

If I had divorced DH for any of these things, I certainly would not be allowing unsupervised visits.

[Anonymous]

I have seen far too many women claim abuse/neglect. They perceive someone not doing what they want as abuse. Someone not doing EVERYTHING for them neglect. High strung perceptions are not always reality. And, lots of people call someone who likes to have a few drinks once in a while an alcoholic, because they don't drink themselves.

I am a social worker and have seen a lot. I dont say I have seen it all because I am shocked at people's behavior all the time. The more money, the more shocking

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a divorced mom...and think pp needs TONS of therapy. Let it go, you can't control everyone. Your kids WILL NOT like you for trying to be so controlling over their relationship with their Dad. You hide behind the guise of protection. It is alienation.

Did you divorce your husband because he was abusive? Neglectful? An alcoholic? If not, you should not throw stones.

If I had divorced DH for any of these things, I certainly would not be allowing unsupervised visits.

It isn't always something in your control to "allow" or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a divorced mom...and think pp needs TONS of therapy. Let it go, you can't control everyone. Your kids WILL NOT like you for trying to be so controlling over their relationship with their Dad. You hide behind the guise of protection. It is alienation.

Did you divorce your husband because he was abusive? Neglectful? An alcoholic? If not, you should not throw stones.

If I had divorced DH for any of these things, I certainly would not be allowing unsupervised visits.

I am staying married to my abusive, neglectful, alcoholic husband because condescending, know-it-all social workers (like the PP) and ignorant judges make horrible, life threatening decisions and judgements all the time. I am fully aware that it is not within my power, once divorced, to "not allow" unsupervised visitation. Even if you have the financial means to fight for it (which after divorcing someone like that, few do), I am painfully aware that it is a 50/50 chance at best of getting everyone in "the system" to make good decisions regarding the safety of my children. I would rather suffer through the next 15 years until my children are legal adults than put the safety and well being of my children in the hands of their often dangerous father and an frequently incompetent and always unpredictable judicial system.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a divorced mom...and think pp needs TONS of therapy. Let it go, you can't control everyone. Your kids WILL NOT like you for trying to be so controlling over their relationship with their Dad. You hide behind the guise of protection. It is alienation.

Did you divorce your husband because he was abusive? Neglectful? An alcoholic? If not, you should not throw stones.

If I had divorced DH for any of these things, I certainly would not be allowing unsupervised visits.

You have no f*ing clue what you are talking about.