Do you socialize with your co-workers outside the office?

[Anonymous]

I started a great job about 8 months ago. My co-workers are awesome and I love chatting during the day. However, I have noticed that no one seems to hang out together outside the office--ever. I'd love to do things with my co-workers after work but I don't want to be the one taking the initiative. It seems that's just not done in my office. We're all around the same age and have many of the same interests so it would be great to hang out. Also, I'm relatively new to the area and don't know many people yet (I am in meetup.comg groups). DH's co-workers do things together outside of the office but never invite him. Any thoughts?

[Anonymous]

I do with the ones I like to hang out with. I think others do as well, but not everyone.

[Anonymous]

OP, when we were in our 20's, we absolutely hung out together. Why not? 20 year olds have all the time in the world, it seems!

People with children usually hang out with others the same age, out of convenience. I did have one job where (your post reminded me) one woman had a toddler and an infant and she thought it was just the *cutest* thing to bring them to happy hour and seat them at the bar(!) Which might have been adorable, in her eyes, had they not been screaming bloody murder the entire time while she actually sat there and did nothing. Talk about self absorbed.

I suppose you could go to lunch with one or two coworkers and see where it goes from there. Provided of course, you don't turn into nightmare coworker above.

It likely won't be the fraternity environment you may have been accustomed to in your younger years, which is fine. You don't want all your friends from one source, but one or two from work would be a place to start.

I know it is hard to meet people in D.C., as most will attest! GL. I think most people meet by common hobbies. Everyone seems to be a "runner" or "biker" here. Funny.

[Anonymous]

Do they live anywhere near you? In our office people are so spread out it really isn't practical in most instances. It's hard to do weekend get-togethers when you have one person in Gaithersburg, another in Alexandria and a third in Bowie.

[Anonymous]

My mom always said "if you want a friend, be a friend." So, if you don't want to be the one to take the initiative and no one else is, then you are out of luck.

[Anonymous]

We do occasional happy hours, and maybe 2x a year someone will have a party and invite everyone. Other than that, not that much. A couple of the single coworkers who live near each other hang out more frequently, but most of us have kids and live very spread out so it's difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom always said "if you want a friend, be a friend." So, if you don't want to be the one to take the initiative and no one else is, then you are out of luck.

Agreed. It's possible that no one hangs out because no one takes initiative. I would start by hanging out at work, if you aren't already -- going out to lunch, coffee runs etc. You'll get to know them more and get to know their interests outside of work; it's possible that you may like 1-2 as friends outside the office. Then you can always invite those 1-2 to do things outside the office - whether it's drinks/dinner or coming with you to an event or whatever. With drinks or dinner, you obviously have to just come out and ask. With an event, I'd keep it really casual so no one feels obligated and is coming because they really want to -- i.e. "I was going to check out x exhibit at the museum on Sat - if you have any interest, you should come." It sounds like you really like these people - I think if you make a small effort, you'll end up making a friend or two.

[Anonymous]

I am friends with a lot of former coworkers, but not current ones. I work with a bunch of people who have some questionable morals and don't want to be associated with them.

[Anonymous]

It helps if you are around the same age and in the same phase of life, share the same interests and also live relatively close to one another. Most friendships, at work or elsewhere, usually develop out of convenience.

I work with people who are mostly older than me. We barely socialize at work, not to talk of outside of work.

[Anonymous]

I am much closer friends with people I worked with 20 years ago ( when I was in my 20's). I think at that age you tend to make more powerful friendships before you become busy with family and other more "adult" responsibilities. Perhaps when I am in my 60's and my kids are grown, I will go back to making closer friendships again?

[Anonymous]

Since I've had kids, no, not really. I now work PT so I am heading home well before the start of post-work happy hours. I do make a big effort to attend co-workers' baby showers/weddings/going away parties. I will make time for these more significant events that occur infrequently.