How long should we wait before telling family and friends that we are pregnant?

[Anonymous]

I am only 5 weeks but am dying to tell my family since it will be the first grandchild. DH wants to wait until at least 8 weeks when the risk of miscarrage drops signficantly. I think we would want our family's support should that happen so I think it's a little silly to wait. How about you guys? When did you tell your family and close friends that you are expecting?

[Anonymous]

On baby 1, we waited until around 10 weeks. It was hard not to tell, but it was kind of fun to have our own secret - made it a special few weeks.

The second time, we were going to tell at 8 weeks, but I had a miscarriage I don't know how I would do it again. I had only told a couple of very close friends. It was harder to tell them about the miscarriage after I had shared the good news. I also felt obligated to tell them personally since I had told them I was pregnant. I would have hated to have told lots of family and friends, because if anything goes wrong, you have to tell them. I preferred being able to share my sad (really devating) news on my own terms and when I was emotionally ready. I also knew once I told my family that I was pregnant, they would tell everyone, which would have made it harder.

I am excited for you! Good luck!

[Anonymous]

It all depends on you.

I am a very open person. Not many personal topic are off limit for me, so I don't mind sharing my experiences.

I have a healthy child and luckily saw the HB at 6weeks and shared the news with everyone right away.

I recently had a m/c and shared the news with many close friends and family. I simply told them what happened. If there was any akwardness it certainly was not on my side. Miscarriage is part of the cycle of life and many people have it and many people need support.

The good news? One of my friends who I told ended up having a m/c herself. She came to me right away for support (I knew before he husband!). She came to my house cried like a baby on my shoulder, talked about the disappointment, talked hourse on the phone about it (her DH was tired of the subject and simply did not "get it") and I watched her toddler for the day while she had her D&C. I'm glad she shared with me and was honored to be a part of her recovery process. If I had never shared my experience with her, maybe she would not have felt comfortable sharing with me, so I think something good came of the whole thing.

Anyways, you have to guage how open you are. I really don't see all the fuss about keeping pregnancies a secret. I brodcase the second I pee on a stick. I can't contain my excitement!

[Anonymous]

PP nailed it -

I wouldn't tell my family unless I was also comfortable talking about a miscarriage with them - at the dinner table, before I was ready to discuss, with strangers present.

If you want to share earlier than 3 months, be careful who you tell. It needs to be people with whom you share sorrow as well as joy.

[Anonymous]

We planned to wait to tell family til 12 weeks, but I couldn't contain myself, so told them at 6 weeks. (My husband is still gloating, cuz he knew I would "crack"). If I'd had a miscarriage, I would have been on the phone w/ my mother and sister immediately anyway, as they are my main support besides my husband. Told very close friend and my boss (I work in a job w/ some physical aspects) at 12 weeks. Didn't tell coworkers & students (I work in a school) til close to 20 weeks (w/ my build I don't show early), because it wasn't really anybody's business. My theory was to early on only tell the people I would need for support if I had a miscarriage.

[Anonymous]

We didn't tell a soul until 12 weeks. We wanted to wait until the risk of miscarriage dropped and until we got the results of our CVS. It was hard to keep it quiet but it was also a fun little secret that only my husband and I shared. Then, when we finally did tell people, we could already tell them we were having a girl.

[Anonymous]

We waited a bit with my first pregnancy (I was a little freaked out!).

With this one we told my parents and his parents the day I found out because FIL was in the hospital, we thought he wasn't going to make it, so we told him. Maybe that's why he pulled through, ha! I called and told my mom when we were on the way to the hospital, because I wanted her to know before my psycho in-laws. I wouldn't have told my dad, because he's not real good at keeping secrets (brain injury), but my mom blurted it out to him when I called her. He was good and didn't tell anyone though.

I told one friend because I see her almost every day and wasn't feeling well and didn't want her to think something else was going on. I'm not good at hiding how I'm feeling. Now I'm 11 weeks and just starting to tell everyone else.

[Anonymous]

Depends on the support you need. I told all the family and close friends to whom I tell (almost) all the details of life as soon as DH and I found out. If I'd had a MC, after DH, they'd be the first I'd call.

[Anonymous]

We wait until 12 weeks - I'm glad too - I had a miscarriage once. Basically, we didn't want people to know we were TTC. If I had told them I was pregnant the time I miscarried then they would have known we were TTC and I didn't need that extra pressure on me....as after I recovered from the miscarriage they would have known we were still TTC.

[Anonymous]

There is no right answer - you do whatever you are comfortable with.

With my first pregnancy, we waited until I'd had my first OB visit at 10 weeks - then told our families. Of course, then I had a m/c at 11 weeks - it was devastating.

Second pregnancy, I waited a bit longer - till 14 weeks - to tell family, close friends, and work. By then I'd heard the heartbeat several times and felt good about it.

This time, I was all ready to tell everyone around 13-14 weeks but then I got a not so great result on the nuchal translucency test and was going to go in for an amnio. I decided I didn't want to tell anyone until I'd gotten a good result on the amnio (which thankfully I did) so we didn't tell people this time around until about 18 weeks.

The flip side, of course, is that after I had a miscarriage, it was very difficult interacting sometimes because people didn't know that I'd been pregnant and suffered a loss. In some ways it would've been easier if people had known - I could've had a bit more support and people would've maybe understood why I skipped some of my friends' baby showers....

You just need to do what you're comfortable with. :0)

[Anonymous]

We just had our first DS, and we waited until almost 12 weeks before telling anyone. It was pretty difficult and by the end my close friends knew anyway (how many times can you go out for happy hour and order a club soda? ) My family was surprised we didn't tell anyone earlier, but I was superstitious/concerned about MC even though I had no particular risk factors. Next time around I will probably share with my close friends and family a little earlier; like the PPs said, I would share with my friends with whom I would share news of a MC anyway.

[Anonymous]

I ended up telling my parents right away, but told them not to tell anyone. I told a couple of close friends before the end of my first trimester, but did not make it publically known until I was around 13-14 weeks or so. It's so nerve wracking in the beginning. Basically it's up to you, but if you feel like you can't keep it in, just tell your close family / friends - and ask them not to share the news until you feel more comfortable with your situation and are out of your first trimester. Congratulations by the way!

[Anonymous]

I'd tell people whenever your comfortable.

I was pregnant last year and started telling close family and friends at about 10 weeks and then everyone after the CVS testing. Then our daughter was stillborn at 25 weeks.

Now I'm pregnant again (just 6 weeks) and don't want to tell anybody as I really don't want to deal with everyone's "concern" on top of DH's anxity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On baby 1, we waited until around 10 weeks. It was hard not to tell, but it was kind of fun to have our own secret - made it a special few weeks.

The second time, we were going to tell at 8 weeks, but I had a miscarriage I don't know how I would do it again. I had only told a couple of very close friends. It was harder to tell them about the miscarriage after I had shared the good news. I also felt obligated to tell them personally since I had told them I was pregnant. I would have hated to have told lots of family and friends, because if anything goes wrong, you have to tell them. I preferred being able to share my sad (really devating) news on my own terms and when I was emotionally ready. I also knew once I told my family that I was pregnant, they would tell everyone, which would have made it harder.

I am excited for you! Good luck!

Just like I was going to say...I LOVED having our "first trimester secret" all ourselves. It was hard not to blab it out - especially since it was during the holidays (and THE PERFECT time, but we refrained).

[Anonymous]

We did not tell anyone until after our first appointment at 8 weeks. Then we told our parents. We waited until I was 13 weeks to tell friends.