In-laws fighting in your house -WWYD?

[Anonymous]

BIL (DH's brother) and SIL were visitng for the weekend. We all get along really well. This morning, the kids were playing outside and I went in for a minute and they were screaming at each other - like seriously screaming. SIL said she was going to leave and came out to tell her kids (ages 3-10) to get packed and go. Kids went inside and screaming continued in front of them. I offered to help the kids get packed, figuring they could resume the fight elsewhere but she waved me off. Eventually, they went outside and I took the kids to give them lunch and put on a loud movie and BIL and SIL went back downstairs and the fighting continued - probably close to an hour.

Is there anything else I could have done? I know all couples have problems and DH and I fight too, but not in front of the kids like that. It was really vicious.

[Anonymous]

What is wrong with them? You don't go to someone's house and fight, especially in front of the kids.

[Anonymous]

Who screams for an hour? What were they fighting about?

I might have taken the kids out somewhere if that wasn't too hard.

[Anonymous]

How obnoxious of them. I think you handled it well. Distract the kids and stay out of the fight. If this becomes a regular thing, then I would say you and your spouse need to talk about how to set boundaries with them which is tricky.

[Anonymous]

That's sad. I doubt it would have mattered what you did anyway. It sounds like this isn't the first time the have fought like this in front of their kids, right?

[Anonymous]

My BIL and SIL do this every holiday/get together. It is so embarrassing and awkward. We normally try to distract the kids by going outside to play or turning on the tv really loud. Makes me so sad.

[Anonymous]

SIL says that the fighting primarily happens when they spend time with BIL's parents (who live near us), so I dont know how often it happens at home, but the kids (weirdly) didnt seem all that phased by it.

They have had some major life changes recently - moved to a new city, new house that needs a lot of work, new, very stressful job for SIL - and I think they are both very stressed and clearly very unhappy. They were fine the rest of the weekend until this morning.

I was just so sad. DH says this is the way his and BILs parents (now divorced) fought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is wrong with them? You don't go to someone's house and fight, especially in front of the kids.

Exactly screw up your kids at home. This was tacky and I wish a biatch would waive me off in my own house.

[Anonymous]

Growing up in a dysfunctional family, I now have little tolerance for this sort of thing. Just like I do with the kids, I would have told them their behavior was inappropriate and disruptive. If they couldn't speak calmly, they'd have to go someplace else. I'd make sure they knew they could leave the kids but I wouldn't tolerate that behavior because it sends a message to the kids that it's acceptable - and it's not.

[Anonymous]

My in laws do this all the time, at every family event. Sometimes there kids step in and tell them to cool it down. The rest of the time they are ignored.

[Anonymous]

How awkward for you. I can totally understand why you did what you did in the moment, but if it was me I'd be having a serious talk with BIL and SIL,letting it be known that though I love and support them, such behavior is not going to fly in my house and that if it ever happened again they would be summarily asked to leave. No way I would allow that around my kids.

I feel sorry for your nieces/nephews. How painful and embarrassing for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SIL says that the fighting primarily happens when they spend time with BIL's parents (who live near us), so I dont know how often it happens at home, but the kids (weirdly) didnt seem all that phased by it.

They have had some major life changes recently - moved to a new city, new house that needs a lot of work, new, very stressful job for SIL - and I think they are both very stressed and clearly very unhappy. They were fine the rest of the weekend until this mornin

I was just so sad. DH says this is the way his and BILs parents (now divorced) fought.

There is no excuse or justification for behaving in this manner in someone else house and that would be the last time they stay with me. There is also no excuse for screaming in front of their children , and certainly , not in front of your children . They, no doubt, scream at their home all the time as well as.screaming at their children . These poor children probably walk on eggs terrified of their parents screaming at them. I grew up with screaming and it leaves a lot of emotional scars.

[Anonymous]

Admittedly we've done this under duress (snowed in, in laws totally worthless, and Christmas disappointing for many reasons). We were seriously near divorce at that time. Thankfully, my in laws saw our anguish and stepped in to try to help us get through it. We did in part thanks to them.

It may be a low for them. They may be divorcing. You can ignore it or try to help. It's up to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Admittedly we've done this under duress (snowed in, in laws totally worthless, and Christmas disappointing for many reasons). We were seriously near divorce at that time. Thankfully, my in laws saw our anguish and stepped in to try to help us get through it. We did in part thanks to them.

It may be a low for them. They may be divorcing. You can ignore it or try to help. It's up to you.

You were.screaming and fighting in someone else's house and you think this was all right because you were under stress?

[Anonymous]

No. There's nothing else you could have done. Just handle the kids for them in that moment.