Moody teen daughter

[Anonymous]

I know this is typical and developmentally appropriate and all, but there are times when I can't stand it. Half the time, my DD is an interesting, engaged, funny and kind person. The other half of the time she's hell to live with -- snapping at us, stomping off to her room, making demands, just being grumpy. School hasn't even started and i can't imagine how we will cope when she starts feeling the stress from that. How to cope? And tell me I'm not alone, please.

[Anonymous]

You're not alone at all. The large majority of the time my dd is a normal, happy person but every once in a while she sits at dinner and looks really grumpy and then goes off to the computer for the rest of the night. I hate to say it's jut what teenagers do, but it is. She and her sisters also snap at each other a lot more now that we have two teens. My best angry teen coping strategy is to kill her with kindness and not let her mood impact the family's mood. When she stomps away from the dinner table, we keep talking and then watch a movie or something, and often times she'll come slinking back bEcause she doesn't want to miss the fun. It will pass. There's also a possibility that her mood could improve during school. DD boards at school during the week , but on weekends during school she's much happier because she has activities to do and friends to see all the time. In the summer (especially in August when all her friends are gone) her moods get much worse when she sits around the house a lot.

[Anonymous]

I remind myself of the time I opened my bedroom door as a teenager, my father, in the hallway, saw me and said, "Good morning!" and I burst into tears and slammed the door shut. That always gives me mental space to dig deep for compassion for hormone-crazed teens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I remind myself of the time I opened my bedroom door as a teenager, my father, in the hallway, saw me and said, "Good morning!" and I burst into tears and slammed the door shut. That always gives me mental space to dig deep for compassion for hormone-crazed teens.

OP again -- I love this. And, yes, I think August and all the unstructured time is getting to her but she is going into 11th grade so it will be a tough year.

[Anonymous]

Totally normal, OP. The good thing is, when she's older (around 19/20), she'll realize what a shit she was to you and apologize for it. And if you're REALLY lucky, she'll have a daughter and get to go through the exact same thing!

My mom had a good way of snapping me out of attitudes. If I was being a particular heinous creature, she'd gather everyone else up to go out to dinner or the movies and tell me they were going to leave me home since I clearly needed the alone time and didn't want to be around them.

[Anonymous]

I can still make my mother and my sister laugh by looking at them and screaming "LEAVE ME ALOONNNNEEE!" Because that was pretty much all I said to them from about age 13 to 16.

Totally normal, OP. It's only just begun, but it will pass eventually. If you can try not to engage at the same emotional volume, you'll save yourself a few years of treatment for hypertension and possibly see her turnaround (however temporarily) sooner.

And if you can honestly look at your expectations and revise them incrementally to show good faith, that could be helpful. A slightly later curfew, a lot more privacy, a lot less required family time - teens need space.

[Anonymous]

Can you say..PMS??? I started "paying attention" to when my 14 yo DD would get in her "moods" and it was always right before her period. It took me a while to figure it out, but now that I know "why" it make it easier to deal with. Give her some drugs, chocolate, pickles, or whatever she feels her body needs and be overly understanding, and try not to do anything that cause things to escalate. I'm not saying walk around on egg shells, but just don't "pick a fight" about things you know get her going. I know grown women that can't control themselves during their PMS time and they have been dealing with this for many more years than a young teen, so how can I reasonably expect my 14yo to deal with the raging crazy hormones??

[Anonymous]

OP again -- I hadn't considered PMS, which she has a terrible time with. And I appreciate the reminder that teens need space. When I back off she really does calm down and become more pleasant.