Grow up in a large (4+ kids) family?
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Anonymous
| Did you grow up in a large family? Did you enjoy it? Did it positively or negatively affect your choices regarding how many children to have? I'm curious because I grew up as an only child and had little exposure to large families outside of a few Mormon families in our neighborhood. |
Anonymous
| I didn't but my best friend growing up was one of 4 kids. They had a great dynamic - there was a big age difference between the two older and the two younger (8 years-ish) so I think that helped. Now that the kids are grown and have their own families, they have a huge clan of cousins that all hang out together and I'm jealous, I love that! Each of the younger generation seem to be having more 'typically' sized families - 2 kids each. |
Anonymous
| I did - 1 of 6. It affected my decision to only have 2. I think it's great if it makes financial sense. It can be fun having so many siblings. But in our case there was no money, so it meant no vacations, no college paid for, no new clothes ever, lots of handouts, living in a bad neighborhood etc. Nothing necessarily wrong with any of those things but I wanted more for my kids. |
Anonymous
I did. I grew up as the oldest of 6. Loved it and while I do not want to have 6 myself, our experience with infertility ("unexplained") was all the more devestating to me b/c I knew it meant I would never have as many as my parents did, b/c of $$ reasons (having to pay for IF or adoption out of pocket). We have since adopted 1, are in the process of adopting another, and are concurrently completing FETs of 3 remaining embryos we have frozen. We will see how many children we end up with! It's out of our hands! 
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Anonymous
| I did. 1 of 4. I love all my siblings, but I don't want to have that many myself. My parents were so busy parenting that they kind of lost themselves and then had a very hard time when we all grew up. It took a few years and some fights for them to learn how to be the parents of adult children since they had played the role of parents of young children for so long. We did work it out and have a very functional, happy family now (as we did when I was little) but the transition was rough. Also, now that we are all adults there are so many family commitments that it makes scheduling stressful. Imagine a family with six birthdays every year and four+ graduations, weddings, births, baptisms, etc. It can be an unrelenting pace of family gatherings which means that we hardly ever get together for informal gatherings or just to catch up. |
Anonymous
| I'm one of five, and loved growing up in a big family. We were all close growing up (of course, with the usual sibling skirmishes) and are all close still. I have 2 children, and am contemplating third - mostly because I'd love to give my children more of that big family experience I grew up with. I'm definitely not cut out to be a mom of 5 kids though. We also would not be able to afford to provide 5 kids with everything my parents were able to provide me and my siblings (free college, mostly). I absolutely love my big family though, and love that my kids have so many great cousins to recreate the loving chaos with, at least occasionally. |
Anonymous
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I am also one of 6. growing up, we fought alot, but now we are very close and talk to each other almost everyday. Our nieces and nephews are like our own kids and we are all very close knit.
I always wanted 4 kids ideally, but after working with kids, I decided that wasn't feasible and 2 would be enough. |
Anonymous
Wow we have had similar experiences! I also am the oldest of 6 and love being part of a large family. We had a wonderful childhood playing together constantly, and now my sisters are my best friends. My husband and I have 2 kids, twins from IVF, and tried 4 more times for another baby. He is one of 5 kids, so we both wanted 3 or maybe 4. It's been heartbreaking but after several years I am feeling lucky that we at least got two and trying to come to terms with this being the extent of our family. Good luck to you! |
Anonymous
OH wow, that does sound similar! Too funny!!! I am happy to hear that you have two and I hope we are as lucky! Thank you so much for the well wishes!
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Anonymous
| I'm the youngest of 5. I really liked having a big family growing up. Lots going on and lots of excitement. Now that we are grown we are not so close. I have the same experience as the PP who mentioned her parents had a hard time switching from parenting kids to parenting adults. The siblings in my family are quite different from each other and that creates a lot of tension. We have 2 kids now and I contemplate having a 3rd, but I'm not sure I'm up to it. |
Anonymous
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I am one of 4. I enjoyed it and it never occurred to me that things could go any other way.
Yes- I basically wanted a big family- but infertility put a stop to that. |
Anonymous
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I'm the 6th of 12 and there is no way in hell I am ever having that many kids. I enjoyed having a large family when I was younger-there were always people to play with, never a dull moment, etc but as I got older it got old quickly. My parents spent every waking moment taking care of kids, there wasn't much space or privacy, we definitely weren't rich, no money for college, and few vacations because vacations with 12 kids are pretty much impossible. My parents did a great job raising us and I envy their dedication and resolve but I am not cut out to raise more than 2 or 3 kids. I don't think growing up in a large family made me this way. I have a career and live in the city whereas my parents lived in a smallish town and my mom had no interest in working.
My parents were pretty Catholic and their brothers and sisters had a lot of kids too, so as a result I had at least 40 first cousins. Family gatherings were interesting. |
Anonymous
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Oldest of five here. In some ways, growing up in a large family was fun, and I love all of my brothers and sisters, but especially as the oldest I was put in a mock parenting/babysitting role from the age of 10. Not so great. My younger siblings, who are in their mid-30s, still don't take responsibility for things - they just think I will do it. We also didn't travel much or have new clothes, etc, though my parents did provide some $ for college, which I appreciated.
I have an only, and would not have more than 2 kids. There are three reasons why - we can't afford a big family, I want to be able to focus more individual attention on my child, and I would not want to be a SAHM like my mother was, which if I had that many kids, would be a necessity. My parents also had a tough time adjusting to empty nest, and are now divorced. |
Anonymous
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DH is the oldest of 4 and doesn't want to have more than 2 kids as a result. They didn't have a lot of money growing up and they never got to go anywhere. He didn't own a new piece of clothing until he bought it for himself at 14. I will say, all 4 of the siblings are very independent - they got jobs early, have been very successful and on their own since like 16 (financially speaking). I don't think he remembers his childhood with much fondness but I will say, it produced some great, independent and successful people.
I was the youngest of 3 where we were well provided for, supported financially, etc so very different childhoods. I want 3 kids and wouldn't even want to say 'no more kids bc of money' because I think you find it if you want to. My husband disagrees. |
Anonymous
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One of 7 kids and loved it.
I would love to have a large family but work makes it impossible. In a way, I have a great deal of privacy because I was not micromanaged by my parents. I NEVER wanted to be an only child...NEVER. |