My child doesnt like school

[Anonymous]

I have a rising 4th grader in in public school. Child had a bad 2nd grade year and ok third grade year but started out as a kid who loved school and now doesnt. Says worst day of summer is when finds out who teacher is. Already talking about things he hates, like spelling bees. Ive broached private school (which we cant afford) but he says he likes his friends, sports, etc. Wish I could make him like school. He's a bright kid.

[Anonymous]

Do you know why he hates school? You said he hates spelling bees. Why? Because he's not prepared for them or because he doesn't like being in front of everyone? (I was a bad speller and have stage fright so they terrified me.) if he is a good speller but hates being in front of people that's one prob, if he loves being on stage but isn't good at spelling, that's another. Are you SAH? Can you help if he needs help with spelling? (One ex.) if he hates school b/c he feels behind in something, if he gets better at it, he will like school more. Maybe it is one kid he doesnt like. DS had one subject and one classmate that made school tough. It's much better now. HTH!

[Anonymous]

Do you volunteer at school? Perhaps he would like that. It might also help you figure out what is bothering him. I would not want that to go on until middle school. I would try to help him overcome this.

[Anonymous]

My DS is the same way. He sounds like he has had a similar history. Things started going downhill during 1st and then 2nd was hard. Third was better, but he complained of a stomach ache almost every Monday. Frequent trips to the bathroom and nurses office. Poor guy, he is a good student but hates all the sitting. Math is almost a 2 hr block.

[Anonymous]

My bright son liked school in K for the most part but has disliked it since then. He says school is boring which I am sure it is. Everyone needs to be able to tolerate some boredom but the fact that they really don't do anything for advanced kids until 3rd grade just sucks. He is stuck reading the on-grade level text when he read at middle school level. Not everyone has to like school. My brother was like my son in that he tolerated it but never felt challenged even in GT classes. When he got to high school, he finally said he liked a class- AP physics.

[Anonymous]

Thanks PPs. Ive volunteered quite a bit and spent a lot of time talking to teachers. My son just feels he's not as smart as his peers (and feels he's not smart). All his friends and peers do really well at school and he struggles, even though he is very bright. He is much happier in the summer. Part of me blames the school but when i think about it, i dont think another public school would be markedly different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: he struggles, even though he is very bright.

Is there some underlying LD that is causing him to struggle? If he's really bright, I just can't see struggling in 3rd grade unless there's something else going on.

[Anonymous]

Do his teachers also think he struggles, compared to other kids? Agree with PP that you might need to rule out some kind of LD. If he doesn't have a an LD, but still persists that he is not "as smart" then it might be helpful to talk to school counselor/psychologist.

[Anonymous]

yes, i suspect he has mild add and some confidence/anxiety issues, and there are some school supports involved. That said, i wish he was as happy during school as he seems during the summer. I guess its not realistic for me to want him to enjoy school the way he does his summer activities, but it just makes me sad that he went from beiing a kid who loved school in k and 1 and then that fell off a cliff

[Anonymous]

2nd grade is when school definitely becomes more "academic", so if he does have mild ADD and confidence/anxiety issues, it makes sense that his feelings for school would start to take a downward turn.
I think you should speak with the school about increasing/revising the supports he receives. Does he have an actual IEP? You should consider it. IEPs are not only for severely disabled children. If you already have an IEP, you might need to work with the school to revise it. It's also worth seeing a developmental pediatrician. School may never be his absolute favorite, but I think you can help create a situation that will have him happier than he currently is. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I know what you're talking about, OP. I have a rising second grade girl who hates school. She has huge confidence issues. She says she's terrible at everything -- although she's in the highest group (but they don't tell the kids that). She's in the nurse's office so often that they know her by name. I think they might have my office number on speed dial. She has been such a happy, lovely child this summer. I'm at a loss as well. I want to find a way to extend the happiness into the school year. We're considering private as well, but like you, we really can't afford it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know what you're talking about, OP. I have a rising second grade girl who hates school. She has huge confidence issues. She says she's terrible at everything -- although she's in the highest group (but they don't tell the kids that). She's in the nurse's office so often that they know her by name. I think they might have my office number on speed dial. She has been such a happy, lovely child this summer. I'm at a loss as well. I want to find a way to extend the happiness into the school year. We're considering private as well, but like you, we really can't afford it.

I'd make sure there aren't any bullying issues at school as well. My daughter loved school and over the course of a year and a half turned into a child that dreaded going to school, was constantly pretending to be sick etc. Classic bullying symptoms.

[Anonymous]

I've always worked, so my son has been in daycare since he was 3 months old and we've had all kinds of different experiences with pre-schools and then school (he'll only be in 2nd grade next year, so time will tell).

I can say that he has done exponentially better in a school that fits his learning style well. He also does not like to sit for long periods of time, so he does well in schools that focus on multiple intelligences - they almost always include some sort of movement and object manipulation in every lesson. With that the lesson isn't quite as focused on the dreaded 'sitting' because it's broken up. Maybe you could try something like this in a summer camp to see what he thinks before making such a major change - that's hard in 4th grade, kids grow up so quickly.

[Anonymous]

Yes, PP, I do suspect my son would do better in a school with a different learnng style -- which, unfortunately, is out of our price range. Its something we're thinking about longer term but for now, i did at least get my son last night to acknowledge school in a positive way, and while he wasnt with me when i did a peppy "lets make this the year your teacher says your a pleasure to have in class" he did offer a vow to bring home no "orange notes" this year.

[Anonymous]

Oh well. We all have something we don't like.