Everyone is sick or dying...

[Anonymous]

I turned 51 recently, and in the last year I've buried a parent and one of DH's parents. In addition, FIL is dealing with dementia and sister has breast cancer. Is this what life is going to be like from now on? I feel depressed as hell sometimes. Sorry to complain, but it's just getting to me.

Funny thing is, I thought I knew how to handle death because I lost my mother at a very young age. But I don't. I realize now that this new round of mortality issues may be stirring up unresolved feelings about that earlier loss. Anyone out there dealt with this? How did you learn to cope better? Thanks.

[Anonymous]

You are lucky to have reached 51 before this became an issue. By 45, we had only one grandparent left and had already started to lose cousins. In fact, our kids only ever knew one grandparent and started the rounds of relatives funerals before,they could walk. But, yes, it's hard. No special coping skills - its just hard and it sucks. I so dread when it's our siblings.

[Anonymous]

I feel the same way that you do. Last year I lost my best friend to melanoma and my mil to a brain aneurism. I miss both of them so much. Getting older is bad enough, I don't know how I'm going to handle all the losses. My mil was very involved with people and I saw her lose girlfriends over the years and keep going. When she died, her best friend just carried on. I guess that's a good example for me. Time certainly helps us heal and so does staying involved with others. We have to go outside our comfort zone to stay connected. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

I have no words of advice for you since I am going through a similar thing and I totally feel for you. I've now lost both parents and was at my mom's bedside this past spring when she passed and I now find myself obsessed with death. For me I am hoping that time will help, but it's going to be tough.

[Anonymous]

This is OP. Thank you for your posts. I guess this is a time of transition in our lives. Hopefully it gets easier again. I remember an aunt of mine saying that she felt renewed when her children started their families -- a new generation brought a return of hopefulness! Maybe that's something I need to think about (although my kids are still probably years away from having kids -- at least I hope so!).

[Anonymous]

This all started for me 8 ago when my stepfather died at age 54 (I'm 39 now). Since then, my grandfather died and my MIL has been diagnosed with dementia. She's now been at death's door twice within the last year. My grandmother was diagnosed with congestive heart failure after rebounding from a stroke and breast cancer.
It's been depressing for us as well and in the meantime we have two very small children. Thankfully nobody else in the family is sick, but three of our immediate neighbors have battled cancer. They are all under 50! So, yes, I'm with you. It's sobering as hell. I have been feeling like I'm about to hit a midlife crisis.

[Anonymous]

A friend just lost her husband, totally unexpectedly, in his mid-60's. Two adult children, 1 very new grandchild. I lost my father around the same age as her kids have now lost theirs. It breaks my heart. How do we comfort and support these young (relatively) widows?

[Anonymous]

A business acquaintance was recently murdered by his son. Very sad.