Infertility is from husband's end

[Anonymous]

and I just feel so out of control. I know he feels like shit about it, feels like not a real man. But he's not being proactive. I'm tired of nagging him to see this doctor or to do whatever. I think he thinks that he should be able to fix this on his own, and needing help is just a sign of personal failure. Nothing ever gets done until I blow my top. I hate myself when I become a nagging wife, so I'll stop saying anything to give him time to do something on his own, in his own way. But when I do that, months will go by with nothing proactive being done at all. It' just hard when I can't do any more than I'm already doing.

Oh, and my brother and SIL just announced her 3rd pregnancy yesterday.

[Anonymous]

Time to get you a new husband, one whose boys can swim.

[Anonymous]

What is the issue? How could he fix it on his own?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Time to get you a new husband, one whose boys can swim.

Seriously? Maybe you are trying to be funny, but that's totally uncalled for.

OP, I'm a woman and our infertility is my "fault," but I totally get your frustration. That said, not knowing much about male factor, what does he need to do? I think I've always assumed that it's a much bigger deal for women to undergo fertility treatments even when the need is caused by male factor... but maybe not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Time to get you a new husband, one whose boys can swim.

What a stupid and uncalled for post. Go away, troll.

OP, I think male infertility is usually less fixable than female issues (meaning you can't improve his sperm). So your husband doesn't need to feel he should fix this on his own. You should seek out the help of an RE together. There is a lot they can overcome today with IVF and ICSI. Best of luck!

[Anonymous]

i think times like this, you have to set up the appts for him. just put your anger aside and get on it. it's not worth it to sit around, wait and simmer with rage. go to the appts with him if you have to.

from one who knows!

[Anonymous]

The good thing, kind of, is that he can't really do much so I am not sure what are you waiting for. Most likely you need to go through IVF and all he needs to do is provide a specimen. Perhaps if you can explain it that way to him he will be more cooperative.

[Anonymous]

I do believe diet/vitamins/accupuncture can make a marked difference.

My sisters DH was told he had severe male factor and after 2 yrs of TTC naturally they had a baby- and now 3 children!
Their RE told them IVF was their only hope.

[Anonymous]

I recently conceived through IVF - 32 yrs old. And we had tubal factors (my fault). Honestly even if it was DH's 'issue' he was very removed from the whole IVF journey. I think women are more focused on fertility and a timeline more than men are. DH wasn't uncooperative but he really just showed up to the IVF seminar and submitted a specimen. He didn't really care about details whereas I researched the hell out of it and then some!

[Anonymous]

Maybe he is impotent or has erectile dysfunction? We have no idea what the OP is alluding to.

[Anonymous]

I never understand this reluctance to get help. I have morphology issues and we are using ICSI and maybe testosterone shots to help the situation. Doesn't make me less of a man. I think a man who knows what needs to be done and doesn't do it because he's scared is a coward. A brave guy does what needs to be done despite being scare.
Which of these two guys does your husband want to be?

[Anonymous]

I was your husband (although my issue wasn't one that was possible to "fix on my own" - it REQUIRED medical intervention). I dragged my heels at first, but it was easier for me to get motivated because there was no chance of a natural pregnancy. Perhaps you just need to make clear to him just how unlikely it is you will conceive without medical help. Tough love, but a kick in the pants often helps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recently conceived through IVF - 32 yrs old. And we had tubal factors (my fault). Honestly even if it was DH's 'issue' he was very removed from the whole IVF journey. I think women are more focused on fertility and a timeline more than men are. DH wasn't uncooperative but he really just showed up to the IVF seminar and submitted a specimen. He didn't really care about details whereas I researched the hell out of it and then some!

Very true. DH is very cooperative but doesn't at all get the urgency of the whole endeavor. And after many cycles I am still not sure he knows the difference between, say, a follicle and a cervix.

[Anonymous]

My husband initially had low sperm count. Dr didn't realized he was on prescribed testosterone from another dr which severaly lowers sperm count. Went off of that and count went way up. So there are sometimes otuside factors that influence sperm count. having said that we still weren't getting pregnant through IUI. Further testing of his sperm showed that they weren't "sticky" enough to cling to an egg and actually break through into an egg. (sorry don't remember the actual name of the test). Went through IVF and ICSI and pregannt now with one. OP the PPs are right, you will just have to schedule these apts for him. It mght also help for him to see all the other men in the waiting room, seriously

[Anonymous]

13.26 here- pp is right. I literally scheduled all of our appts and reminded DH a thousand times that week what it was for and to book it off work. I drove his specimen into the lab myself and I did all the 'grunt' work. I gave him his vitamins each night and made sure his diet was awesome going into all of this. I basically 'babied' him through the process in a way that he didn't know and things just got moving/rolling that way.

Can you book his appts and make sure necessary steps are being taken.