napping and schedule frustrations at 5 months

[Anonymous]

I have a five month old that I have been trying to get on a nap schedule for the last month. We have been traveling a bit so I know that throws things off but I am so frustrated because often times I spend 2-3 hours getting him to sleep. I feel bad because he isn't getting the play time or interaction that I know he needs because I am trying to get him to go to sleep - I do everything - nursing, rocking, swing, walks and car. Eventually it happens but I am so frustrated and feel like such a bad mother because her kid isn't sleeping and then because of all the time spent trying to get him to sleep, isn't getting as much playtime and tummy time. Any advice/books etc. would be greatly appreciated. I am really really really reluctant to let him cry it out for more than 5 minutes....

[Anonymous]

So what are the signs you are using to indicate he is ready for a nap? Is he indicating that he is tired but then fighting sleep?

[Anonymous]

I ended up introducing sleep cues at about 4.5 months (including white noise and reintroducing the swaddle). I was in the same boat as you and either the nap would be for 30 minutes or it would take FOREVER to get DD to sleep. I did let her fuss for a while but I stayed in the room or very close to the room with her door open. Now when I turn on the white noise and swaddle her up she falls fast asleep.

Now on to bedtime...

[Anonymous]

It sounds like your first child, right? I'm on my second now. He just turned 6 months. He started needing two naps a day around 5 months. I used to take him out and about with my 3 yr old, but at 5 months, he would no longer sleep in the car seat. Everything was just so interesting to look at. All the distractions prevented him from being able to sleep, even though he wanted to. It was at 5 months that he needed to be in his crib to nap, and he started doing the standard two naps a day (sometimes 3 if he wakes up from his second nap before 3PM). He goes down for the first nap between 9-10AM and sleeps for about 2 hours, then he goes down for the second nap 1-2PM and sleeps for 1.5 to 2 hours. Always keep in mind the general rule that infants tend to get tired again after being awake for only 1.5 to 2 hours. That means if your little guy is waking up in the morning at 7AM, he will most likely be ready to nap by 9AM. Look for cues like the first yawn, glassy looking or red eyes, or perhaps rubbing the eyes. Use the same routine that you use at nighttime, but keep it simple! (It's easy to say this as the mother of the second child - my first child's routine still dictates our night at age 3!) I sing the same one song to him - sometimes I sing it twice - and then I put him in his crib, walk out of the room and pull the door closed. (I don't shut it completely, but leave a little crack so that I can look in and check to see what he is doing if he is fussing.) I can totally understand how hard it is to hear your child cry, but keep in my that infants are noisy little guys even when they are sound asleep. Sometimes the noises that you hear on the baby monitor sound like he is having trouble sleeping and is waking up when it is just him grumbling while he is moving around in his crib. I definitely recommend standing at the door and watching through the crack (without letting him see you or hear you if possible) so that you can understand what the noises are that you are hearing. Be patient and don't rush in. If you know that you have fed him and changed him before putting him down, be confident that the cries or noises that he is making is him just trying to settle in. As you watch, it may give you more confidence to let him have a little more time to try going to sleep on his own. You may not buy into it yet, but one day you will...those little guys really do learn how much crying it takes to get a reaction out of you, and who wouldn't want to be cuddled up with a nice warm mommy rather than sleeping all by themselves in a crib. Just remind yourself as you watch, that when a baby sleeps on you that he is not getting into as deep of a sleep as he needs to be, and you, of course, are tying your own hands by holding him for 2-3 hours. It is best for both of you if he learns how to sleep on his own now. Believe me, it is only going to get harder if you wait too long - just imagine trying to teach him or her how to nap when they can actually call out "mama" or how loud the protest screaming can be at 10 months when their lungs are so much more mature. Good luck! They're so adorable at 5 months, aren't they!

[Anonymous]

I am sort of having the same problem. My 5 month old DD won't nap in her crib and I don't like to let her CIO either, but we are getting to the point where something is going to have to give. She will only fall asleep in her swing and/or car seat if out driving or walking. The wierd thing is that she will sleep in there at night. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I totally disagree with poster who suggested that baby will sleep less well on your lap, body, etc. Babies across the globe nap on their moms via sling and co=sleeping so this argument makes no sense. Remember, babies needing to sleep in their own crib, in their own room, is entirely an upper class social construct in America. As a society we are obsessed with independence, beginning with infants that are 5 mos old.

I have 2 children. One is 3.5 and one is almost 6 mos. I nursed, rocked, co-slept with my first son until he was ready at 2 yo to sleep in his own room. He's an excellent sleeper and I do not regret for one minute that I slowed myself down enough to nurture my son to sleep. It was the best use of my time and all the warnings from the sleep training books were in vain. My son is a healthy, thriving, 95% child with no sleep issues.

My second baby is also in that common sleep regression mode that occurs b/t 4-6 mos. Is it challenging, yes. He fights sleep and doesnt like to be nursed to sleep like my first son did. I just rock him in my arms, sing to him, put him in the sling, and nurture him to sleep for all naps. I know he will reach sleep maturity when he's ready just like my first son.

My belief is that as long as your baby is getting the right amount of sleep per day (hrs), the question of HOW you get him to sleep and WHERE he sleeps are entirely personal comfort level choices. If you chose not to CIO, and surrender to the fact that it's ok to nurture your baby to sleep for a few months, read the Attachment Parenting literature to support your choice, very validating indeed.

Sweet dreams!

[Anonymous]

I'm the PP who mentioned that children who sleep in their moms arms are not getting deep sleep. I totally agree that CIO is a personal choice, and there is nothing wrong with choosing to "nurture" your child to sleep. I totally did that with my first (and I did CIO with the first as well), and she is the best little girl (IMHO) ever. However, knowing that we all have a tendency to second guess ourselves (ie "should I let her cry a little longer or should I go scoop her up?"), I balance the decision I end up making with the knowledge that there has been testing where they measure a child's brain waves during sleep, and it has been shown that children held during sleep, sleep lighter and do not spend as much time in "deep" sleep as would be ideal. That being said, I still "nurture" sometimes myself... during times of sickness, teething, ect. In my original post, I was not trying to advocate a particular view, although looking back I can see that my choice of words may have done just that. I just wanted to provide insight from my personal experience and what I wish I would have known with my first. Props to the mom who found time to "nurture" her second child. I can't imagine how I could do that with the attention that my three year old deserves. I'm proud that I have managed to EBF for the last six months, and I definitely could not find the additional time to "nurture" my second child for 2-3 hours in order for a nap to occur - my three year old just would be able to entertain herself that long, and I don't think I feel good about that. I'm new to this two child thing, and I'm sure I too have a lot to learn. Best of luck to everyone

[Anonymous]

PP, your tone is very kind and I'm not trying to stir controversy, just adding where I get my info from. Dr. James Mckenna runs and infant/mother sleep lab at Notre Dame
/www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/

His research along with other AP clinicians actually show that it is not desirable for an infant under 6 mos to have a deep sleep cycle the way adults do as infants under 6 mos still are at risk for SIDS and SIDS rates are much lower in cultures that co=sleep and nurture their infants to sleep.

Again, my babies are very happy, well rested babies and dont take 2 hours to get to sleep by nurturing. I also have a 3yo so that would be impossible. On a rough day, it may take me 30 minutes or so to get my infant to sleep, and he may wake up 40 minutes later only to have me repeat the cycle. But I know this is temporary. As long as mom and baby are happy, to each their own!!!

[Anonymous]

Agreed. Nice point about SIDS. (Are you watching Pailin speak? I just have it on as background, but just caught a shot of a cut away to what I guess is one of her younger kids holding the infant. The little girl licked her hand and fixed the infants hair as if to make it look good for the camera!)

[Anonymous]

Also, just wanted to make sure the OP doesn't let this thread and the mention of SIDS cause her even more anxiety. OP, keep everything in perspective!

[Anonymous]

OP, I have a 5 month old as well as a 3 year old. What we do:

1) She doesn't nap well, especially as the day progresses, and still usually wakes 1 time a night, where I usually BF her.

A typical schedule for us is:

6:30 wake, eat (we are BFeeding)
8:30 back to sleep
9:30-10 wake, eat
12 cereal
12:30-1 sleep (if she won't sleep here, nurse)
2:30 wake, nurse
4:30 sleep
5:30 wake, nurse
7:30 nurse, bed until 4am ish

We usually decide to put her down for a nap if she's been up for 2 hours or so and is just uncomfortable in every position we put her in. If she wakes up before 6am, I try to feed her but put her back to bed. Sometimes if it's 5:30am though, she's up for the day. Argh!

Just realize, you can try to have a schedule and quiet times for naps, but because they are so alert at this age and mine is teething, they sometimes can't get to sleep. This will change eventually, it's just life with an infant!

[Anonymous]

also, at the end of the day is when the baby usually cries the loudest and longest (10-12 minutes?) I think it's normal.

For naps, I generally put the baby down and actually look at a clock to check how long 10 minutes is. Unless the baby is screaming bloody murder (mine did that once because she had her foot stuck in the bars of the crib, but it was a different cry!) I don't go back in. 10 minutes is actually a long time!

[Anonymous]

ALSO, don't be so hard on yourself about play time, interaction, or tummy time. Play time and interaction will be easier as they age. Really. If you are bored, entertain yourself by getting out, but the baby just wants to look around and be held by you. Give yourself a break, though, you can't hold a baby 24/7 and realize that your mom and your grandma didn't either.

And both my kids hated tummy time (most kids I know do.) I would do 5 minutes most a day, and their neck muscles are fine!

[Anonymous]

OP - you spent 3 hours trying to get your dear little one to go take a nap? Surely, you should've taken the hint that he was not "ready" for one.

Perhaps "wearing" him out more (more tummy time, getting out and about, change of scenery, play time, watching you do chores, etc.) will help.

Also, don't be surprised if the "predictable" nap times get skewed. My DD went down to two naps a day at 6 months. It took me three days of two long naps (vs. three naps) that, ok, she is now sleeping only 2x a day now.

You even admit that you've been on vacation. Give your DS a break and a chance to re-adjust.

[Anonymous]

OP, I feel your pain. My dd is also 5 months, and most everything is going well, EXCEPT naps. She takes 3 quick naps per day - we're lucky if they last 45 minutes, sometimes its 25-30. I know this is not enough daytime sleep for her, even though she sleeps 11-12 hours at night. Sometimes she wakes from the naps happy, other times she wakes up fussing. Like right now, she's fussing in her crib. I put her down for her 3rd nap, she more or less went right to sleep but woke up 20 minutes later crying. I'm so frustrated because now she will basically be cranky until her 7pm bedtime. Augh!! I don't know what to do to get her past that 30-45 minute wall. My DD has 2 cries: I am okay with what I call "fussing it out" but if she gets hysterical, I have to go in. Thankfully its not that often.

Don't beat yourself up. I'm in a moms group with similar aged babies and some are good nappers and some are not. I've heard that some develop longer naps later on, and some not at all. I do agree with the PP who mentioned the 2-3 hour max. wakefulness at this age (its in the Weissbluth book and I've found it very true). You might try reading his book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" - I've found it the best resource for nap info.

Although my kid still doesn't nap well, so what do I know.