Inheritance is breaking up the family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whoever is fighting over money has no way of making their own because of capacity.
Have mercy.

This is so wrong. Talk to any estate lawyer and they will give you plenty of examples of people fighting over some ridiculous item in the estate.

I have a sibling I am estranged from for many years. We had another sibling who had virtually nothing and technically we didn't even need to file probate.

The estranged one STILL ridiculously demanded to see every piece of paper including any with handwriting, drawings or scribbles in the deceased's household BEFORE it could be discarded. (And no, the deceased was not an artist.)

Since my only communication with the estranged one is via my lawyer, it wound up costing me $$$ just to ping-pong back and forth about ... pieces of paper including junk mail with handwritten jottings on it.

[Anonymous]

Can anyone beat this? My deadbeat sibling is attempting to convince the other siblings to voluntarily disinherit themselves (one of the few ways to undo the effects of an irrevocable trust). The rest of us just squint at dear sibling with our jaws on the floor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can't you just say leave me out, take my share and ignore it all?

We did that with any material items from my in-laws very modest estate. DHs siblings and other family members divided up the stuff, including a car, or it got donated. DH really didn't want anything. We did get 1/3 of the remaining money, which was something like $50k. It didn't really cause any issues between the siblings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can anyone beat this? My deadbeat sibling is attempting to convince the other siblings to voluntarily disinherit themselves (one of the few ways to undo the effects of an irrevocable trust). The rest of us just squint at dear sibling with our jaws on the floor.

Yes, I can!

I voluntarily disinherited myself from a sibling's estate so I wouldn't have to deal with another malignant sibling.

My lawyer drew up paperwork to that effect and the malignancy REFUSED to sign it. They simply did not want to agree to anything I asked for - even my complete and voluntary disinheritance and relinquishment of any claim on the estate. They batted the documents back and forth until attorney's fees wound up almost cancelling out all the assets in the estate.

The lawyer was stymied and said they'd never seen such level of crazy before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I could sue my dead husband’s family because of the way they’ve handled his share of the family partnership after he died. I won’t. And I’ve told my children there is money that should be yours there but I’d have to sue your dad’s family to get it and I won’t. Money truly ruined his family’s relationships with each other, and continues to do so. I’m teaching my children that money should never be more precious than family bonds. Fortunately I earn enough that we don’t need that money. It still make me angry and sad.
My own family (mom and siblings) is poor 😁 so we get along mostly fine.

Sorry but this is why family members steal from estates: because most people are total pushovers and not on top of things. And nothing ever happens to them even after they’re busted. From small sums to fortunes. And if it’s not family it’s thieves and crooks at the probate courts, auctioneers, real estate brokers, estate attorneys, wealth managers and accountants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could sue my dead husband’s family because of the way they’ve handled his share of the family partnership after he died. I won’t. And I’ve told my children there is money that should be yours there but I’d have to sue your dad’s family to get it and I won’t. Money truly ruined his family’s relationships with each other, and continues to do so. I’m teaching my children that money should never be more precious than family bonds. Fortunately I earn enough that we don’t need that money. It still make me angry and sad.
My own family (mom and siblings) is poor 😁 so we get along mostly fine.

Sorry but this is why family members steal from estates: because most people are total pushovers and not on top of things. And nothing ever happens to them even after they’re busted. From small sums to fortunes. And if it’s not family it’s thieves and crooks at the probate courts, auctioneers, real estate brokers, estate attorneys, wealth managers and accountants.

++++THIS ^^^^^

[Anonymous]

Most people's financial lives aren't that complicated

[Anonymous]

We didn't fight over money but it was a stressful time, the house/effects had to be dealt with and divided or sold, and many decisions had to be made. I felt like it was a gift to my late parents to get along with my sibling through the process. They knew it would be hard for me.

[Anonymous]

People might fight over a piece of jewelry or other keepsake. Items too little to put in a will. A simple will is all that's needed for most people. And not even that, is really needed, as state law can be relied on to divide the estate according to what's legal.

Most people -who get all emotional have no respect for written law, and instead think they are owed something because of emotional reasons or verbal promises.

[Anonymous]

I felt like it was a gift to my late parents to get along with my sibling through the process.

When it was all over, the estate closed, I sent Thank You Cards to the siblings that we got through it.

[Anonymous]

My mom passed when I was 33 weeks pregnant, left everything (not a lot - some retirement and a home worth ~$450k) to me and my one sibling. Sibling moved themselves and their child into the home, refused to sell, and two years later I still haven’t been paid for my share of the home. My mom thought she’d done everything right (“just split it all 50/50”) - but didn’t count on my sister to claim that “she needs the home more than I need it” and “it’s what mom would have wanted.” Ironically I’m still open to a relationship but she has cut me off claiming I’ve mistreated her. The only way to get my inheritance is to take her to court to force the sale, and she knows I won’t do that as I love my niece too much to kick them out of the home.

I think it comes down to how ruthless / mentally ill the other parties are.

[Anonymous]

People! PSA to have a well-written will and open communication with your family before you die.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can anyone beat this? My deadbeat sibling is attempting to convince the other siblings to voluntarily disinherit themselves (one of the few ways to undo the effects of an irrevocable trust). The rest of us just squint at dear sibling with our jaws on the floor.

Yes, I can!

I voluntarily disinherited myself from a sibling's estate so I wouldn't have to deal with another malignant sibling.

My lawyer drew up paperwork to that effect and the malignancy REFUSED to sign it. They simply did not want to agree to anything I asked for - even my complete and voluntary disinheritance and relinquishment of any claim on the estate. They batted the documents back and forth until attorney's fees wound up almost cancelling out all the assets in the estate.

The lawyer was stymied and said they'd never seen such level of crazy before.

Perhaps I should get your lawyers name because she/he will see a whole new level of crazy when I have to deal with my sister. Even after I spent years giving free labor to our parents, she still turned mom against me once dad was gone. Her whole life she has been determined to make me suffer. I could see myself trying to disinherit myself if I haven't been disinherited already and she would do the same thing or worse-sue me for who knows what. (She's litigious-sued a neighbor, sued her workplace). She wants desperately to engage in her deranged dance and any time someone tries to get away from her she makes them pay.

[Anonymous]

The only way to get my inheritance is to take her to court to force the sale, and she knows I won’t do that

Why won't you legally claim what is yours? That's a you problem. You walk into the offices that house the probate court for the county where your parent passed and you speak to the county clerk. Don't be so afraid. Even if you "went before a judge" this is a very ordinary procedure.

This is on you to -be an adult- and take steps