Talking to me like I’ve never cooked before

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He misses your mom and talking about cooking gives him an excuse to mention her indirectly.

+1. It also gives him a way to connect to you. I would guess your irritation has more to do with where you are in your own life, lack of satisfaction, than him wanting to discuss this new found knowledge.

[Anonymous]

Think of it as a positive: he's learning how to cook. A lot of old men would sit next to the fridge hungry after their wife dies expecting their daughters to cook. There was a thread of a woman who went to her dad's house after his divorce to cook daily. And yes, if he's interested, why not a cooking class?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At least he’s cooking! When we went to college my mom announced that she was never cooking again. What that means in practice was that she makes herself what we now call “girl dinner” most nights and my father gets himself takeout or fast food. He’s eaten his way into serious health problems.

And why cannot your father cook? It's up to him if he wants to eat himself to the grave. I'm personally also over cooking and my DH who has never cooked is looking forward for me to cook for him once the kids launch. Oh, I've told him over and over that it's not happening. I have no idea what he plans to do. I'm sick of it and cannot wait for it to be over. Also, when I'm on my own, I have to run dishwasher just once a week compared to every other day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 93 y/o dad never cooked for himself until my mom died last year. Not surprisingly, he's terrible at it, and I've had to take him to urgent care because he thought a mandoline slicer was the antidote for what he lacks in knife skills. I humor him when he shows me "easy" YouTube recipes narrated by that generic AI voice, and when I get frustrated I think about how happy my mom would be that he misses her cooking enough to try to replicate it himself.

This stresses me out. I'm all for people maintaining their independence as long as possible, but I think he might be past that on the cooking front.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the OP finds this annoying because it veers into mansplaining? The very common male trait to talk down or explain to a woman something she might know much better than him anyway. That kind of talking down can annoy anyone. Seems to come from a place where some men do not realize that just because something is new to them, it doesnt mean others havent lived through it.

Your vaginasplainin again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes we just have to listen to what they want to talk about. Were you super interested in dinosaurs when your kids were? One fiend’s widowed dad loved trains. She still has littles at home and was on a call with him while she talked about trains. Something urgent happened with the kids and she set the phone down, handled kid stuff, and came back to the phone and he was still talking about trains. She has a lovely husband who would alternate calls with her. Just tune out and yes and nod at intervals and enjoy still having your parent.

This. Pretend he’s a toddler, and just smile and nod. And yea, I know it’s obnoxious of me to say this, but count your blessings.

OR... acknowledge he's an adult with a new interest, and talk to him about it like you would someone else who is enthused by something that you don't find interesting. This idea that you should treat your elderly parents like toddlers is really patronizing to someone who raised you from infancy.

[Anonymous]

Can you frame your response along the lines of, "I'm so glad you're excited about cooking—I've been doing it for so long that it's definitely not fun for me any more. Wish you could cook for me!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Truly, take a breathe. He has limited things to talk about.

Agree. Poor guy. He's not trying to be condescending. He genuinely has discovered something that he might like, a new hobby, which is cooking for himself since your mother always did it so it's sort of a new world and a new obsession for him. He's not challenging you or calling you stupid. Please be a kind daughter and just adjust your perspective. Could give you something for the two of you share. Has he started watching cooking shows? Does he know anything about social media? Maybe you could both share recipes back-and-forth that you find online. And seriously take a breath and stop being a jerk.