Lying about finances and debt

[Anonymous]

My ex was like this. The first year he said he was 2000 in debt. Turned out the next year he said it was actually 20000. Then a few years later it was 50K. Lying about money never stopped. I separated finances. But then I left. His ADHD was too severe and he would not get help.

Will your DH get help?
Will you be able to take over finances and get a full transparency?
You need both of these.
And you need to tell him that the trust in financial issues is broken and it's his job to fix it.

[Anonymous]

I'd consider a few marital counseling appointments with an idea for him to write up a document dated that says In the next [x] months, I willl...." with agreed upon things. If he doesn't do, divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone dealt with this? Spouse and I have been together for a very long time. We have young kids. And this is the second time he’s come clean about lying about debt. He’s not a great saver but has never even come close to having a severe spending problem or lying about his.
Last year he came clean that he took out a 10k loan against his 401k to try and start a side hustle that failed. He paid off the loan a few months ago.

Now he tells me he has a spending problem and thinks it’s a mental health issue because he can’t stop and has racked up 15k in credit card debt in the past few months. Our combined income is 250k.


How do you come back from this? I feel like the trust is lost. What’s going to happen next. I don’t want to have to babysit his finances forever. Am I overreacting? How would you handle paying off the debt? Take over it or let him figure it out himself?

What else is he hiding?
Not a reason to end this marriage but this is bad.

[Anonymous]

Since you two are married & his debt can be yours as well, then your husband has a huge responsibility to manage his finances.

He needs to learn to dot his P’s and Q’s and he can do this by getting himself some independent, financial counseling.

Are there any courses for this in your area?
Or you may possibly have to manage both of your finances together and set limits on how much your husband has access to.
It will be a headache for you to do so - but in order to avoid something catastrophic that will affect the entire family, you basically have no choice as of now…..

Hope your husband can secure the help he so desperately needs right now.

Best of luck to you both!

[Anonymous]

my ex-fiance used to be like this and had over 80K worth of credit card or personal debt. Her issue is same - she has a spending problem and spent 1-2x on stupid crap and hoarding, cosmetic stuff etc.

There was a few times she had problems in paying bills and I had to loan her money too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does he have adhd? My husband was bad with money before I met him and early in our relationship. He is better now. For years, he had money sent to his checking account which was all that he could spend each pay period. As he has gotten older, he has gotten better.

my ex-gf has ADHD and very impulsive for online purchases.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my ex-fiance used to be like this and had over 80K worth of credit card or personal debt. Her issue is same - she has a spending problem and spent 1-2x on stupid crap and hoarding, cosmetic stuff etc.

There was a few times she had problems in paying bills and I had to loan her money too.

woah! I am not getting in to a relationship with someone if they have this much CC debt.

[Anonymous]

OP, you need legal advice. Spousal debt is not one person's debt, typically.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:my ex-fiance used to be like this and had over 80K worth of credit card or personal debt. Her issue is same - she has a spending problem and spent 1-2x on stupid crap and hoarding, cosmetic stuff etc.

There was a few times she had problems in paying bills and I had to loan her money too.

woah! I am not getting in to a relationship with someone if they have this much CC debt.

You would be surprised how one partner sticks other with a big bill.