How do I handle my whiny direct report?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So they are all valid issues and she’s a high performer but you want her to be quiet? Why don’t you figure out what you can change or strategies you can employ to help her be more effective? You’re a bad manager.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: now she's not speaking to me. She has sent me two absolutely necessary work messages through Teams. How many more days should I expect to have to put up with the silent treatment? Fine, don't be at all friendly but you have to interact with me a little to do your job effectively.

Sounds like you got what you wanted. Maybe you can find a balance in the middle. It will all work out. You don't have be to be besties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: now she's not speaking to me. She has sent me two absolutely necessary work messages through Teams. How many more days should I expect to have to put up with the silent treatment? Fine, don't be at all friendly but you have to interact with me a little to do your job effectively.

This seems fine, in the sense that she's not bothering you. You two are not friends.

If she's being rude or not sending needful information, write her up and be done with it.

Were you recently promoted to supervisor after being her peer? This seems like a situation where neither of you had figured out the boundary.

[Anonymous]

You need to be straight with her! You can be kind when doing so but tell her that there are only some things you can solve and she shouldn't be venting all the time. You need to frame this as a career tip. You need to do this because you're her manager. She's not going to take a hint or read your non-verbal cues or read your mind. You need to do this. It will help both of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: now she's not speaking to me. She has sent me two absolutely necessary work messages through Teams. How many more days should I expect to have to put up with the silent treatment? Fine, don't be at all friendly but you have to interact with me a little to do your job effectively.

What did you say to her? Or did she see this thread?

[Anonymous]

I started in sales and worked my way up. The biggest complaint sales people have always had are the lawyers who nitpick contracts--on both sides of the deal. And I get that that is their job. But the good attorneys seem to be the ones who really understand contracts and the big picture. Protect the corp and get deals done. There seem to be some attorneys who give no thought to getting deals done, finding workable language, finding compromises. There are times when it seems an attorney's ego gets in the way and need to be "right" no matter the cost to the business.

Basically, just saying that an attorney whining about sales makes me think that this is one of those unbending attorneys. But I could be projecting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: now she's not speaking to me. She has sent me two absolutely necessary work messages through Teams. How many more days should I expect to have to put up with the silent treatment? Fine, don't be at all friendly but you have to interact with me a little to do your job effectively.

What did you say to her? Or did she see this thread?

Yes, I wondered how that came about.

[Anonymous]

The complaints are: The sales staff isn't detail oriented, no one is accountable, no one closely reads her email. And your answer is "She needs to be talking to her husband, HR, her friends or a therapist"?? And you're her supervisor?

YTA.

You're her supervisor. You need to address these issues and/or teach her how to handle them professionally.

So to start with - method of raising concerns. If she's all of a sudden coming into your office on a daily or near daily basis and whining about stuff, then that's a training issue. "Larla, as your supervisor, I want to hear and address your concerns, but unless there's an immediate, urgent issue, we should discuss them during your regular 1:1 meeting." You do have a regular 1:1 meeting, right? That includes dedicated time for her to discuss anything with you? I like to make sure I have a minimum of one meeting a week that is booked as one hour long, for each of my employees, and I make sure that at least 2/3rds of that is available for whatever THEY want to discuss. If you don't have this, you need it.

Then, you address the meat of what she has to say. "The sales staff isn't detail oriented." Well, okay. Is that impacting her ability to do her job? If so, how? If she's got a point, and the sales staff is creating issues that she has to clean up, have you brought this up to their team leads? Worked with the directors in sales to improve process? Maybe it's not that they're not detail oriented as much as your direct report isn't taking the initiative she needs to fill in details, or the sales staff doesn't understand what details are needed. And if the end of the road really is, essentially, that people who outrank you have said that this is how it's going to be, have you explained that to her, noting that you did follow up but it's unlikely that things are going to change? Have you then worked with her on how she and the rest of your team can adapt to this reality?

It's also okay to instead essentially side against her but show her how to adjust. "Yes, I can see how this issue could have been avoided if they'd read your email more closely, but people here are busy, and that's not always going to happen. Part of this job is recognizing that people are going to make mistakes and we're going to have to deal with the ramifications. I know it's frustrating, but mistakes happen, that's the reality, so we need to be prepared for that, and deal with it as it comes up. Perhaps leaving yourself a little extra wiggle room before deadlines would give you the space to correct misunderstands and still meet our timelines."

The reason she's repeatedly bringing up the same stuff is that you keep blowing her off.

Being a manager takes time and effort, but honestly, an hour a week 1:1 and 30 mins a week of follow up around her issues sounds dramatically more manageable and less torturous than hearing here whine about the same damn stuff every day. And has the potential to improve issues and keep her happier, which is good for a good employee.

[Anonymous]

DP. If people aren't reading her emails closely enough then she needs to write more succinct emails. (Attorneys can be wordy.) I hate when someone writes a long email. Use bullet points. Number them. Whatever it takes to get the point/s across quickly and clearly.