Do you think kids are nicer in public or private school?

[Anonymous]

My kid was in public thru 2nd. Then homeschooled 3rd because covid. Private 4th thru 8th which is current year. Back to public for HS.
I think kids are better behaved in private. That doesnt always equate to being nicer though. We’ve had nice kids and jerk kids in both.
Model good behavior and set expectations for kind and good behavior and your kid will follow your lead..

[Anonymous]

My kids go to big public schools. They have terrific friends whose parents I get along with well.

That said, I'm sure there are jerk kids at both their schools. But we avoid them as much as I get a say. That's much much easier to do in a big school than a small private school. The social options alone are just so much more plentiful.

[Anonymous]

My kid was dcps k - 2, private 2 -5 (COVID plus a few years) and then dcps 6-7

Most kids were well behaved at both, but the private had more needy / delicate type kids. The parents paid a lot for more support, higher teacher / student ratio. The private was great at supporting them, but at the same time the cohort had a higher percentage of needy kids.

Now in middle school, large dcps, it’s sink or swim - my child is doing well and is happy enough. They complain less about “problem” kids that distract in class than before in the private.

[Anonymous]

Better behaved does not equal nice. Plenty of kids who fake nice for adults are mean to other kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Come on OP. You have to know this can't be generalized.

I know. People stereotype here all the time.

[Anonymous]

A little different…in private you can get absolutely entitled and demanding students and parents. In public you can have feral children whose parents are checked-out.

Of course, if you’re in an UMC area, on a whole both will have mostly nice kids. If you’re in a wealthy area all bets are off.

[Anonymous]

Isn’t that just going to depend on the kids? It’s random.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not talking academics, just character and good kids. My DD is in public now. There are so many poorly behaved children. I don’t know if they are bad or just don’t listen. My daughter is a great kid. I’m afraid that she will become entitled and learn mean girl behavior in private.

It really is the luck of the draw and the mix of the individual personalities in the class. My kids were two years apart. The older one was ina class that was terrible and mean and bullying all the time - both the boys and the girls. Too many kids wanting to be top dog or chum up to the top dog. It didn’t matter how they mixed the kids in the three classrooms as they moved up. Two years later, same school, same teachers, same administration - about 25% the same parents, it was a totally different class. They were nice and inclusive and helpful. As my eldest class made its way through ES, no one wanted to teach them and the aides specifically asked not to be with them. It was the total opposite of our younger child’s class, everyone loved teaching them and wanted to loop up. The difference seemed to be in the natural leaders of each group and how their personalities balanced the group or created strife within the group.

You never really know what the mix will be until they show up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say private school kids generally are nicer because:

1. There is an admissions filter for incoming students that rejects extremely bad behavior,
2. Their parents can devote significant resources to their children's educations, and
3. Social skills can be placed on the back burner when parents struggle to meet basic needs like food, shelter, and adequate childcare.

Every group has hierarchies and subgroups... Of course bullying can be ruthless in any group...

But in general, it's easier to be a decent human being when the most violent kids can't sit next to you in class, your family is investing money into your upbringing, and you're not hungry all the time.

You're not understanding OP's question. She said there are a bunch of bad behaved kids at her DD's public. So, she is considering going private to get away from that kind of behavior. But with private, she is worried that the kids will exhibit a DIFFERENT kind of behavior INSTEAD: meanness and entitlement. In other words, she is assuming better classroom behavior at the private, but she wants to know if her concerns about meaness are valid. Will she just trade one for the other? Obviously we can't answer that because it depends on the two schools she is comparing. So, ridiculous thread.

Thank you for understanding my dilemma. In public, it seems relatively easy to just avoid the poorly behaved kids. Current friend groups is great. I’m afraid my super sweet girl will learn or be the target of mean girl behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say private school kids generally are nicer because:

1. There is an admissions filter for incoming students that rejects extremely bad behavior,
2. Their parents can devote significant resources to their children's educations, and
3. Social skills can be placed on the back burner when parents struggle to meet basic needs like food, shelter, and adequate childcare.

Every group has hierarchies and subgroups... Of course bullying can be ruthless in any group...

But in general, it's easier to be a decent human being when the most violent kids can't sit next to you in class, your family is investing money into your upbringing, and you're not hungry all the time.

You're not understanding OP's question. She said there are a bunch of bad behaved kids at her DD's public. So, she is considering going private to get away from that kind of behavior. But with private, she is worried that the kids will exhibit a DIFFERENT kind of behavior INSTEAD: meanness and entitlement. In other words, she is assuming better classroom behavior at the private, but she wants to know if her concerns about meaness are valid. Will she just trade one for the other? Obviously we can't answer that because it depends on the two schools she is comparing. So, ridiculous thread.

Thank you for understanding my dilemma. In public, it seems relatively easy to just avoid the poorly behaved kids. Current friend groups is great. I’m afraid my super sweet girl will learn or be the target of mean girl behavior.

OP- unfortunately there is no way to predict or avoid it. Things can be fine and dandy for a while and can flip on a dime…

[Anonymous]

I think every school is different and you can’t generalize one way or the other. For example, people at a low key private school can be a lot nicer than a public school in a competitive area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same

This. But they’re definitely easier to keep in line with 18 kids and 2 teachers, than 30 kids and 1 teacher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is definitely not something that can be generalized that way. Every school, indeed every grade within a school, can be different.

This.

This. My kid went to one of small privates in DC known for "being nice." There was a ton of bullying and other behavior issues. His public has stricter expectations of the kids and as a selective school, and if things happen the school is on it immediately. Not the leniency that seemed to exist in the private.

Small privates can be nightmarish for bullying because the administration doesn't want to upset parents (especially ones who are donors) and the school is also usually small enough you can't even separate a bully from the kid being bullied (like you would be able to do at a larger school)...sometimes they have to be together from K-12, and the bully's behavior just gets worse and worse each year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A little different…in private you can get absolutely entitled and demanding students and parents. In public you can have feral children whose parents are checked-out.

Of course, if you’re in an UMC area, on a whole both will have mostly nice kids. If you’re in a wealthy area all bets are off.

This is a good point. If you are in a super-wealthy area all bets are off. I went to a school that had multiple kids who were involved in the Varsity Blues scandal and a bunch of kids who were unspeakably rich with absent parents (sometimes parents were in another country). You don't want that extreme.

[Anonymous]

My children are adults and teens. We live in a wealthy neighborhood with a mix of private and public school families. From my experience, the character is the same. Some private school kids have more polished manners at an earlier age, taught to them explicitly at their school... but manners have nothing to do with character.

Specifically for middle school shenanigans, I would say it can be challenging at any school, and it depends on the group that you end up in.

But I really need to insist here that CHARACTER is not equal to MANNERS.