Teen DD trying to repair a friendship. What should I advise her to do? She says a phone call is "weird"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just because your daughter asks what to do doesn't mean you should tell her. Encourage her to brainstorm and come up with a plan and figure out how to execute it.

Don't you seek advice from people in your life? There is nothing wrong with the OP and her dd discussing next next steps.

I would worry that the Queen Bee would use any apology to further humiliate your daughter. Finding new friends is the way to go. Is she in any activities outside of school?

People with this type of advice have acquaintances not friends. They are independent which is just as bad and codependency, but they don't know that because they haven't done the work to understand that.

[Anonymous]

This is a teaching moment to teach your DD how to walk alone in the face of the dysfunctional girl group run by a queen bee. Good lessons for living as an adult woman. Your DD is stronger than you are giving her credit for! She is calling out the BS and standing on business. If those girls turn their back on your DD, consider it a badge of honor. They are weak sauce who can only follow the leader. Your daughter is a leader.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She can send a text saying she would like to call to talk and work things out. And ask if that is okay.

Apparently calling someone who isn't expecting a call is considered aggressive these days.

Absolutely true. Cold calling is rude and confrontative.

[Anonymous]

I think a text is good. She should keep it simple and to the point. If the other girl tries to turn it into something more she should just not respond.

“Hi Larla, I’d like to apologize for my part in our falling out. I hope we can move past it and focus on the rest of the school year.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just because your daughter asks what to do doesn't mean you should tell her. Encourage her to brainstorm and come up with a plan and figure out how to execute it.

Don't you seek advice from people in your life? There is nothing wrong with the OP and her dd discussing next next steps.

I would worry that the Queen Bee would use any apology to further humiliate your daughter. Finding new friends is the way to go. Is she in any activities outside of school?

DP but I never give my daughter full advice because I don’t know all the dynamics etc etc.

What I do is talk through options. Like - what do you think would happen if you did X? How do you think friend would react? Any other options?

Only your daughter knows this girl and her friends. If she goes in person to ask to apologize, some girls would be receptive to that. Others would make a power move and be rude back, since she has her friends with her.

Walk through scenarios with her but don’t tell her to explicitly do anything

I strongly agree with this parenting approach. The goal is to empower the kids to make decisions and learn how to thoughtfully weigh the options. Not prescribe a specific course of action.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No to a phone call.

A brief sorry text with an unembarrassing message would be best.

I wish teens would learn how to make phone calls. It so much more personal. I’m the only one my teen daughter calls because I insist on . Sometimes a conversation can’t be conveyed through text.