Feel bad for the kids who get cut in high school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you also feel bad for the kids who are cut from youth orchestras or other selective groups when these groups become really competitive, after they've played all their lives?

Good. Nice to know we're not ignoring other activities.

There are competitive audition-based orchestras. But there are also school bands and marching bands where anyone is welcome - that’s what’s missing for sports.

It's not though. Do x-country, track and field, indoor track and field, crew starts in high school and low barrier to entry, swim/dive is no cut at some (all?) schools, wrestling is no cut at some schools.

If your kid is playing soccer or basketball or baseball or one of these sports where the travel sport industrial complex starts up super young, yes those teams are going to have too many kids trying to get on the team. There are other options.

[Anonymous]

I went to a private boarding school that did it well. They had Varsity, JV and instead of the horrible PE of public school you picked a sport if you weren’t on a team. You played it for an entire semester. It was so much fun and I tried several sports that I would never have done in a public high school. I truly suck at any sport that involves running around chasing a ball but I got pretty good at field hockey. Being short, I got to avoid the abject humiliation of basketball. I got to avoid gymnastics thank god! Loved running, fencing, horse back riding and swimming!

I really think school should have a third no cut team. It’s not rocket science and the physical fitness/team fun could go a long way for mental health.

[Anonymous]

Easy - just have your kid give their spot up to someone more deserving. Then no hard feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you also feel bad for the kids who are cut from youth orchestras or other selective groups when these groups become really competitive, after they've played all their lives?

Good. Nice to know we're not ignoring other activities.

Serious question- does this happen? Like you don’t make orchestra at your high school? It wasn’t that way when I was younger but who even knows now.

OP I am already worried about this. Despite our repeated attempts to help him find other interests my son’s great passion is soccer. He is good but it’s very possible he will not be good enough to make a high school team around here. I keep hearing horror stories about kids who do travel soccer starting at age 7 who don’t make the team and just completely stop playing. Are there rec programs for high school students?

Tell me you don't travel in ultra-competitive academic circles without telling me you don't travel in ultra-competitive academic circles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Serious question (because both my kids are still in elementary) - are HS sports still the end all, be all, with year-round $$$ teams being so prevalent? Do the top soccer players, swimmers, or baseball players even play for their HS teams or are they just pure travel/competitive team players? I can see it being a big thing for some sports (football obviously, maybe basketball although private teams seem to be big for that too) but I assumed private teams had taken over the top spots in some of these sports. And then the private sports-oriented HS’s like the St. James Academy are starting to dominate the HS leagues too.

At least with some sports, at the high school level, travel sort of shuts down during the HS season so those kids can play HS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Serious question (because both my kids are still in elementary) - are HS sports still the end all, be all, with year-round $$$ teams being so prevalent? Do the top soccer players, swimmers, or baseball players even play for their HS teams or are they just pure travel/competitive team players? I can see it being a big thing for some sports (football obviously, maybe basketball although private teams seem to be big for that too) but I assumed private teams had taken over the top spots in some of these sports. And then the private sports-oriented HS’s like the St. James Academy are starting to dominate the HS leagues too.

At least with some sports, at the high school level, travel sort of shuts down during the HS season so those kids can play HS.

This. Short of being an Olympian or a real phenom scooped up by a boarding school powerhouse where you are off somewhere training or playing, these kids play for their HS teams.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to a private boarding school that did it well. They had Varsity, JV and instead of the horrible PE of public school you picked a sport if you weren’t on a team. You played it for an entire semester. It was so much fun and I tried several sports that I would never have done in a public high school. I truly suck at any sport that involves running around chasing a ball but I got pretty good at field hockey. Being short, I got to avoid the abject humiliation of basketball. I got to avoid gymnastics thank god! Loved running, fencing, horse back riding and swimming!

I really think school should have a third no cut team. It’s not rocket science and the physical fitness/team fun could go a long way for mental health.

Many schools already have a third team--Varsity, JV, and Freshman. But there are still more people who want to play. There is not enough field or gym space to just make as many teams as the interested kids can fill. Also, you need coaches. Don;t make your HS team? Play rec. Or travel. It is not the end of the world.

[Anonymous]

Yes. It sucks. DS who’d been playing soccer his whole life couldn’t make the team at his Fairfax County HS. We moved before his junior year, and our new school district in NJ is much more inclusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is going to come across as contrarian here but try this out: what if instead of frowning upon competition and banning all competitive endeavors in the name of feelings, we instead provided more opportunities for kids to engage in and/or out of school (for free if needed)?

Protecting (typical) kids from rejection their entire childhood to the greatest extent possible deprives them of the opportunity to build resilience and results in young adults who have very poor coping mechanisms, really underdeveloped human skills, and some big deficits in being able to transition to the real world. I'm a college professor, so ask me how I know this I guess.

It’s not the rejection or feelings. It is having to completely give up something you love doing. There simply aren’t many active club no cut team sports in many areas. We wonder why middle and high school boys get sucked into the gaming world and toxic on line world. Well, you kicked them out of their main physical and social interaction activity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Serious question (because both my kids are still in elementary) - are HS sports still the end all, be all, with year-round $$$ teams being so prevalent? Do the top soccer players, swimmers, or baseball players even play for their HS teams or are they just pure travel/competitive team players? I can see it being a big thing for some sports (football obviously, maybe basketball although private teams seem to be big for that too) but I assumed private teams had taken over the top spots in some of these sports. And then the private sports-oriented HS’s like the St. James Academy are starting to dominate the HS leagues too.

At least with some sports, at the high school level, travel sort of shuts down during the HS season so those kids can play HS.

I think the higher level travel teams outpace high school teams and many of those operate year round.

Personally I think high school teams are more fun and rec teams are also a fantastic option. There are so many choices out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Serious question (because both my kids are still in elementary) - are HS sports still the end all, be all, with year-round $$$ teams being so prevalent? Do the top soccer players, swimmers, or baseball players even play for their HS teams or are they just pure travel/competitive team players? I can see it being a big thing for some sports (football obviously, maybe basketball although private teams seem to be big for that too) but I assumed private teams had taken over the top spots in some of these sports. And then the private sports-oriented HS’s like the St. James Academy are starting to dominate the HS leagues too.

I feel like this may be sport-specific. A friend with a college recruit soccer player told me that in his daughter's experience, players at that level didn't tend to play high school soccer- only for their club. Maybe it was due to injury risk but also he seemed to indicate the club coaches were way better than the HS coaches.

I have a baseball kid who is just in the local baseball travel league. All of those teams don't play in the spring as the assumption is you'll be playing for your HS team and then reconvene do summer and fall travel. I don't know what the super high going pro kids do though as my son isn't at that level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is going to come across as contrarian here but try this out: what if instead of frowning upon competition and banning all competitive endeavors in the name of feelings, we instead provided more opportunities for kids to engage in and/or out of school (for free if needed)?

Protecting (typical) kids from rejection their entire childhood to the greatest extent possible deprives them of the opportunity to build resilience and results in young adults who have very poor coping mechanisms, really underdeveloped human skills, and some big deficits in being able to transition to the real world. I'm a college professor, so ask me how I know this I guess.

It’s not the rejection or feelings. It is having to completely give up something you love doing. There simply aren’t many active club no cut team sports in many areas. We wonder why middle and high school boys get sucked into the gaming world and toxic on line world. Well, you kicked them out of their main physical and social interaction activity.

If the area is populated enough to have competitive tryouts for high school sports, there are going to be other outlets. The kid might have to pivot to a new sport, but there is going to be a rec league or a no-cut sport. This is true for both the podunk town I grew up in and the DC suburb where I now live. If your child plays something like travel soccer their entire childhood but is not prepared for the possibility of not making the high school team, that's on you.

[Anonymous]

These kids will learn resilience, flexibility and how to lose gracefully. Isn’t sports supposed to be about building character?

[Anonymous]

We ended up quitting rec bball because it got too competitive and kids who just enjoyed the game but didn’t excel were getting left out and teased. It’s a real shame, there really is no laid back sports for kids anymore. It was the only sport my kid liked.

[Anonymous]

This has been going on forever. In fact, I was talking today in therapy about the time I was cut from a team in middle school, 30 years ago. It’s rough out there.