Rituals associated with the death of an individual

[Anonymous]

I was raised Catholic.

I was traumatized at being forced to go "view" my mom's body after her sudden death when I was a teen. I think the idea, which my dad and grandparents kept repeating as they forced me, was that I "needed to know she was gone" and "have closure" and that it would "bring me peace." I already knew and understood she was gone. I didn't want to see her that way. I hate that I can still see that imnage in my mind of my mom.

I don't go to "viewings" anymore and don't believe they actually bring any kind of closure or fulfil any usefull, psychologically healthy function to the ones who loved the deceased. I do think there is a grotesque kind of interest in seeing the dead body among those who didn't really love them deeply that drives this sick custom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was raised Catholic.

I was traumatized at being forced to go "view" my mom's body after her sudden death when I was a teen. I think the idea, which my dad and grandparents kept repeating as they forced me, was that I "needed to know she was gone" and "have closure" and that it would "bring me peace." I already knew and understood she was gone. I didn't want to see her that way. I hate that I can still see that imnage in my mind of my mom.

I don't go to "viewings" anymore and don't believe they actually bring any kind of closure or fulfil any usefull, psychologically healthy function to the ones who loved the deceased. I do think there is a grotesque kind of interest in seeing the dead body among those who didn't really love them deeply that drives this sick custom.

+1. I too stopped going to funerals for this reason. I mean, can't you have closure without seeing the dead body? Sorry - it's really unfair to the dead person to be "viewed" this way when they can't do anything to avoid it. Nice, at least, that they are dead and have no idea that this is happening. Too bad for the still living people, like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say our rites are traditional. We are mostly Catholic, and all of my relatives who have died have indicated they want traditional church funeral Masses.

It used to be that Catholics aren't supposed to be cremated, but that has changed. I've had a couple of relatives choose cremation.

Lunch afterward at a restaurant or country club dining room. I dislike these, but my family does them.

That's often the hardest. Just want to go back to own place, often alone

I actually appreciate this - often family/friends that I haven't seen in awhile attend. You can't really chat/catchup/reminisce at the service or burial, so I appreciate having a more "social" setting. I guess I could stay in better contact with these folks but don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was raised Catholic.

I was traumatized at being forced to go "view" my mom's body after her sudden death when I was a teen. I think the idea, which my dad and grandparents kept repeating as they forced me, was that I "needed to know she was gone" and "have closure" and that it would "bring me peace." I already knew and understood she was gone. I didn't want to see her that way. I hate that I can still see that imnage in my mind of my mom.

I don't go to "viewings" anymore and don't believe they actually bring any kind of closure or fulfil any usefull, psychologically healthy function to the ones who loved the deceased. I do think there is a grotesque kind of interest in seeing the dead body among those who didn't really love them deeply that drives this sick custom.

I suspect that the "viewing" custom, when it started, was OK, but became grotesque when other possibilities for mourning and disposing of the dead became more well known and accepted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say our rites are traditional. We are mostly Catholic, and all of my relatives who have died have indicated they want traditional church funeral Masses.

It used to be that Catholics aren't supposed to be cremated, but that has changed. I've had a couple of relatives choose cremation.

Lunch afterward at a restaurant or country club dining room. I dislike these, but my family does them.

That's often the hardest. Just want to go back to own place, often alone

I actually appreciate this - often family/friends that I haven't seen in awhile attend. You can't really chat/catchup/reminisce at the service or burial, so I appreciate having a more "social" setting. I guess I could stay in better contact with these folks but don't.

There was a nice lunch for the untimely death of one of my oldest friends, where I got to talk with their family and their other, newer friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Makes it easier if people left behind the details of how, what, where, who they want. If they didn't want Uncle Larlo at the funeral, one less person to invite to a luncheon

What do they care after they're dead?

DP. They don't care, obviously. But it makes things a whole lot easier on their kids, Larlo and Larla, if they don't have to make endless decisions about whether dear old dad loved or hated "Oh God our help in ages past," or whether to bury him in Maine or California.