Did you keep doing the family beach trip after kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you haven't yet announced that this doesn't work for you. Working during an uncomfortable vacation??? Heck no. I would announce that my preferred dates for vacations are X-to-Y, and could we please rent a larger house? If it's not possible, then bow out and do your own thing.

OP here - I’ve pushed back before and my mom gets really upset so don’t want to hurt her feelings! This is her side of the family and she’s looked forward to having her own grandkids on this trip as long as I can remember. The beach where we stay at has all these July 4 traditions that she wants to do with our kids too , and a part of me does too - but has very few rentals available which is why we haven’t changed accommodations. She and my aunts and uncles would be devastated if we stayed elsewhere or didn’t come. My dad is more understanding but spends most of the trip golfing with friends anyways

OP, are your mom and dad sleeping on bunk beds to make this trip happen?

[Anonymous]

it sounds like you dont want to give up just need better accommodations so why don't you take over booking, or don't wait till the last minute to book a place and stay there- they will get over it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What town in OBX doesn't have other rentals fourth of July week?

Yeah I’m curious where this is— one of the NC or SC beaches, I’m assuming? Our family does a similar big beach trip, but with multiple rental homes, and it’s not a problem as long as we get organized and book about 6-9 months out.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like absolute hell. I’ve never gone on one and when my parents tried it, I told them it sounded like hell and it would be them wasting thousands of dollars for many of us not enjoying it. That many together is not fun.

I rent a house with just my family and my parents and we go. No big extended family vacations and no 10 ten hour drive. I make it when I’m off. I pay. Sometimes 1 of my siblings and their families join us but that’s the max. I always pay now, that’s key, and make sure there are enough beds and bathrooms.

[Anonymous]

Adding to my post about, Florida plus plane tickets is much cheaper for a nice house than the Carolinas!

[Anonymous]

OP here- thank you all for validating my concerns! Honestly, it’s hard and I’m a little sad that the dynamic has changed too. But it’s way past time for a change. We stay somewhere in SC between Myrtle and Charleston and the place where we stay has changed a lot itself the last 5 years and is ironically becoming more of a place for permanent residences and second homes then rentals, too. Which is why there’s so few rentals at the 4th. It’s also my favorite place on earth, hints the emotional attachment. I grew up in the Carolinas as well and have friends down there

But a part of me does want my kids to have happy memories of their beach trips instead of it feeling as cramped as it does now. And ironically I kind of want us to not do the exact same week each year in case one of them wants to do summer camp at that time, ect. Would rather go in August, personally when it’s less crowded down there since they’ll be growing up in DC with school starting after Labor Day and work less busy for us.

[Anonymous]

Also with the bunk bed thing, our sleeping arrangements are messy because one of my cousins has severe autism and my grandma is still living - just realized that I accidentally mentioned that they both passed. Step grandpa passed a decade ago and grandma is still living, but doesn’t pay for trip!

My kids sleep in pack in plays in my parents room. Yes it’s messy lol.

Ironically, since my kids are the first babies in a long time, my relatives LOVE helping out with them.

[Anonymous]

No. We stopped when our oldest was kindergarten age; we’d spend one week with my ILs and a second week with my parents and family. It got to be too much - plus we were all local.

I never liked the rentals my ILs selected - always too far from the beach and too cramped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our family has done a beach trip for 30 years to the same beach every summer for the 4th . As we’ve gotten older and grandparents have passed, our parents have started paying for it instead but the house we rent costs $15k a week which to me sounds insane for a beach house in the Carolinas. In real life, I’m not super close to these relatives , but we see them this week but honestly it feels like everyone argues the whole trip, and the house is way too small for people and their partners.

This was a really fun tradition when I was young, but my DH and I live in DC now with our two young kids and the trip is miserable. Due to spacing, my husband and I have to sleep in bunk beds in a separate room from one another and our kids on air mattresses in the den , aka no one sleeps the whole week, and it’s a terrible time for both of our jobs since the end of the quarter is crazy for us. So we end up on the phone for most of the trip relying on relatives to watch our kids, But we’ve gone every year because it’s tradition but honestly I’m ready for our own family (and my parents and brother) to do our own thing. I have several cousins that feel the same but I’m the first to have kids / my kids are the only kids. Money isn’t an issue with us finding our own accommodations, it’s the fact that there is nowhere else for us to stay nearby.
The house also has a staircase that is really dangerous for young kids and while it’s gated off people forget to close the gate constantly

I’m in between a rock and a hard place because we don’t pay for this trip, but it’s a HUGE commitment for us regarding taking time off work as the quarter is closing and the 10+ hour drive both ways and everyone’s on edge the whole time, not just my husband and I. Money isn’t an issue for myself or my parents but really wish my family did a trip with just us the way DHs does - so much more enjoyable and less stressful and my parents paying 5k for a trip where we work most of the time seems so impractical. How would you approach this conversation with your parents about how something needs to change? Just don’t want to disappoint anyone but things evolve as we grow up!

There was some excellent advice here.

If you need updates to your situation make them clear to your mom and go for it.

If your mom pouts and gets upset you can feel bad about it, but don’t budge.

If a cousin decides to do what you want to do now your mom will accept it. She has to accept it from you first.

[Anonymous]

Now is the time to add a hotel to the vacation housing mix. You can use it as a quiet place to work. Kids can “sleep over” with grandparents. You can take turns keeping one child with you etc.

It is a matter of setting expectations for variability in what works for lodging. Once the kids are older, it may be that parents don’t always go.

Don’t throw away a tradition with family in a place you care about without trying to make it work. Cousin relationships are important and rare these days.

And 4th of a July week camp options usually aren’t great.

[Anonymous]

Where is it that it takes 10 hours each way?

[Anonymous]

South Carolina Coast near Charleston

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Now is the time to add a hotel to the vacation housing mix. You can use it as a quiet place to work. Kids can “sleep over” with grandparents. You can take turns keeping one child with you etc.

It is a matter of setting expectations for variability in what works for lodging. Once the kids are older, it may be that parents don’t always go.

Don’t throw away a tradition with family in a place you care about without trying to make it work. Cousin relationships are important and rare these days.

And 4th of a July week camp options usually aren’t great.

Just no. This is the type of nonsense people who push you into things will come up with to get you to reverse your no.

1. No you can’t dump your kids on relatives while you remote work from a hotel.
2. The OP has said multiple times that there isn’t a hotel.
3. You might not do it when the kids are older is a passive aggressive push so you should do it now. No you shouldn’t.
4. Cousin relationships are not important, and seldom long lasting.

[Anonymous]

OP, how far away do your parents live from you? I am trying to gauge if this beach vacation is the only time your parents see their grandchildren.

[Anonymous]

Renting a 15k-a-week house that doesn't have enough room for everyone is INSANITY.