Mean girl nonsense in senior living

[Anonymous]

What evidence do you have that they are mean beyond the fact your mom did not consult with anyone to make sure there were no clashes before she invited new people to join them? You should model assuming the best for your mom until there is more evidence.

Did she ever work in teams for her job? If so, she must understand how important group dynamics and team building are. Yes, it's just lunch, but what if this is someone who was previously cruel or who dominates the conversation or who gossip. You want to chill and enjoy lunch. All your mom had to do was check in with everyone and make sure there was no bad history there.

Did she often make plans for dinner without checking in with your dad or invite people for family dinner without checking in? Sometimes the more the merrier, but sometimes one person changes the dynamic in a negative way.

You said she invited several people. Why not eat with them if she doesn't want to ask permission to join the bigger group.

There are unspoken rules that matter and that isn't mean.One of my kids had social skills issues and even he knows if you are part of a group you don't get to dictate, you need to check in with the group.

You could say it's just lunch, but if they don't get along and these new people keep joining what was a relaxing meal with friends becomes tense. If your mom doesn't like the way they do things find her tribe, but you definitely need to to be a model and not play into the negative thinking. So far, we don't have enough evidence that they are mean and that OP's mom's new friends are all nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nothing here sounds mean girl to me. It sounds like your mom isn’t super socially savvy. If there’s an established group that does something together, you don’t invite new people without checking with the group. That seems pretty obvious?

Sure Regina

[Anonymous]

Wanted to add I was invited into a mom breakfast group years ago, meeting once a month. One friend invited me and she got the OK of the person who organized it who was also a casual friend and we became closer. They didn't check in with 2 other moms who didn't know me at all. One of those moms was really annoyed. We had never clashed, but she was just like "who is this person on our group text?" She couldn't seem to let go of the fact nobody checked in and it made me uncomfortable. I really wish they had gotten her OK or made plans with me without her. I did not assume she was mean, I just assumed she was offended because she liked the dynamic they had and she felt like it should have been a group decision. The whole awkwardness could have been avoided.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in my 70s and I notice groups of women who try to impress each other and they are easy to ignore. I find that most older women I meet want to chat about kids, grandkids, food, flowers, books and happy positive things. We reach a life is too short for garbage kind of age. But once I went to a luncheon once and sat at a table with people I did not know and you would think I committed murder. These old women are very insecure and constantly threatened by everyone. Your Mom is old enough to know to ignore and move on. Dont worry.

Chat implies discussion. This group tends to just talk at people about these things. I think the reason a lot of older people don't want new people in the group is that they have to actually then pay attention to them and it's too hard for them.

I’m older and I don’t find this is true. We are proud of our kids, loving grandkids and enjoy getting up every day. Older people are interesting with lots of water under the bridge. Put your ears on and you might learn something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women can be SO difficult! Men rarely act like this. I am not sure there is an answer to this problem. Personally, I would ignore.

It was horrible in my uncle’s final home. Men were in short supply and a group of “gentlemen” were not open to sharing any attention with newcomers.

[Anonymous]

I do a casual position in a nursing home. It's like middle school drama all over again. Cannot make this shizz up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women can be SO difficult! Men rarely act like this. I am not sure there is an answer to this problem. Personally, I would ignore.

The facility I work in, men love to stir the pot and then sit back and watch the fall out

[Anonymous]

This is why I plan to die on my farm alone. DH would love the drama, I hope I go first and he gets to be king of the nursing home for a decade when I am gone! He’s an extrovert, I am very much not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why I plan to die on my farm alone. DH would love the drama, I hope I go first and he gets to be king of the nursing home for a decade when I am gone! He’s an extrovert, I am very much not.

Sounds like hell to me, too.