Place child up for adoption

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get rid of the 6 year old, save the 10 year old.

I mean I would say this nicer, but can you look into residential care for your special needs child? Then you can take care of your other two.

I assume this is a troll post, but you cant just place a 10 yr old for adoption. Most private agencies set a age limit of 4. For the state to take custody of your child it often involves essential abandonment of which the state may then charge you with neglect and you will have to pay child support.

[Anonymous]

Can you even do that op? Just go to the "adoption store" and drop him off? Both logistically and emotionally can you/are you able do that?

[Anonymous]

OP—I’m sorry that you posted here and people are responding by calling you a troll and a horrible parent. I don’t think you’re either—I think you’re overwhelmed and need help and support and none is coming.

When you have a child that consumes all your time, energy, and financial resources, it’s a very difficult existence.

I have a few suggestions for you. First what is the long term plan for your SN child. Will they always need this level of care or will it reduce as they grow and mature. If this is a forever situation, you need to come up with a better plan—you cannot do it all.

Second, it’s wonderful that you recognize that the 10 yr old isn’t getting the life he deserves. I don’t think putting him in the foster care system is a good solution. Look at boarding schools—you’d be surprised at how much financial aid they are willing to give in situations like yours.

I sent my daughter to boarding school at 14 for similar reasons. Her SN brother required so much and as a single parent I just could do it all. I sent her close to home and she would come home about every 2 weeks. We would talk and text nightly. I also had the ability to take some time off work and visit her for lunch or to see her play in a sporting event. Prior to boarding school, she would go to sleepaway camp for the summer. It was her happy place.

It’s easier to send an NT child to sleep away camp or boarding school than an SN child.Good luck navigating this —it’s hard and an aspect of raising an SN child that isn’t really discussed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mom, F all the a**holes responding here. Have a totally disabled kid and promise you in MD they will do everything they can to keep the burden of that child on the parent so do not worry about that. Re: your 10 yo, have you asked them what they want? Would highly recommend (if possible) going after Dad for tuition to boarding school. Adoption of course is possible but probably not ideal. My typical kid started helping out a lot more at home at 11/12 so there is that too. You are going it alone so you are in a tough position and this forum should send as much support as possible your way, otherwise, F ‘em. I know what it’s like to have zero assistance from grandparents, uncles, aunts - for those nkt battling for kids with severe and profound disabilities, sadly, extended family help is the exception, not the norm.

Op cannot afford boarding school. She doesn’t want to parent two of her kids. She should hand him over to child welfare. She probably only wants the youngest for the disability money. This is fake.

[Anonymous]

My guess is OP can’t afford boarding school or anything of the sort.

[Anonymous]

Social worker here. I have seen thing play out like this before. Kids 10-12 have a hard time getting adopted especially if they look older than they are. 13+ will be hard because kids will become more aware of what happened and only feel worse. So like many people here unless you are abusing him keep him. If you don't you may lose all three if you are seen as an unfit parent. I know you are doing you're best and hope things will work out in the end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Social worker here. I have seen thing play out like this before. Kids 10-12 have a hard time getting adopted especially if they look older than they are. 13+ will be hard because kids will become more aware of what happened and only feel worse. So like many people here unless you are abusing him keep him. If you don't you may lose all three if you are seen as an unfit parent. I know you are doing you're best and hope things will work out in the end.

This 💯. Great response from an actual social worker who knows. Good luck OP, wishing you and the kids the best. 🙏

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Social worker here. I have seen thing play out like this before. Kids 10-12 have a hard time getting adopted especially if they look older than they are. 13+ will be hard because kids will become more aware of what happened and only feel worse. So like many people here unless you are abusing him keep him. If you don't you may lose all three if you are seen as an unfit parent. I know you are doing you're best and hope things will work out in the end.

My grandma went into an orphanage/foster care situation with younger siblings around the age of 10. She was greatly impacted by it although she made a success of her life. It left her a somewhat cold person with a lotof self-doubt.

I think you need to line up more sources of charity assistance and perhaps more school aftercare or extracurricular opportunities for your older child. More than anything, your child needs to be assured of your love. At the age they are now, in today's America, it is likely to be very hurtful to be given up.

Can you find them a second special person to brighten their life? Like a Big Brother/Big Sister?

[Anonymous]

My husband was placed in care for a year when he was 5; his parents were war refugees who had just arrived to their new home and were struggling with younger children and getting food on the table.

He is forever traumatized. He thought he would never see his family again. He did not speak the language, and could not bond with his foster family. At school, his teacher thought he was mentally deficient, because he came from the other side of the world and lacked the cultural data points she expected him to have.

I know your kid is older, and has no language barrier, but don't abandon him lightly. It will be more trauma on top of an already difficult existence. It might make things better for you... but it will be worse for him.

[Anonymous]

Have you reached out to the father’s family? If you place him in foster care the social workers will try to get someone in the fathers family to take him on.

[Anonymous]

Not a complete solution but something that could at least help might be using a service that provides respite care for parents of children that need round the clock care. Many Easter Seals facilities provide this for one or more days a week at little or no cost. And if the one near you does not, perhaps they could tell you where else you might try.

My heart goes out to you ❤️

[Anonymous]

At this point, you don’t have an easy way to voluntarily surrender him. The state will spend a lot of time and money trying to get you the right support before they will take him and then you’ll end up paying for his support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My guess is OP can’t afford boarding school or anything of the sort.

That’s why multiple people have specifically recommended the Hershey School.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At this point, you don’t have an easy way to voluntarily surrender him. The state will spend a lot of time and money trying to get you the right support before they will take him and then you’ll end up paying for his support.

If that was true, then trying to surrender him would be a good choice because it would lead to support from the state.

OP, what state are you in? If you're in the DMV and not in DC, it might be worth moving into DC to try to get a Katie Beckett waiver for your youngest. Perhaps with support such as nursing you'd find more time for your oldest?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At this point, you don’t have an easy way to voluntarily surrender him. The state will spend a lot of time and money trying to get you the right support before they will take him and then you’ll end up paying for his support.

They rarely go after child support. She can refuse services and supports and reunification and request he go to adoption. In my many years of foster care I only saw one parent pay support. Her best bet is a private adoption agency.