11yo DD insanely picky about her clothes

[Anonymous]

Dd12 is so similar in that she has only 2-3 outfits she reuses endlessly. It's frustrating

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She won't admit it, but I think it's the brands. She has a pair of Lulemon shorts that she used a Christmas gift card on and another pair of Athleta shorts. Today I showed her some cute Nike athletic shorts that are on sale at Dicks and she wouldn't even look at them.

I was about to say “don’t pick a fight”, but I would pick THIS fight.

I don’t pick this fight, but we do have a budget. I generally say, I could pay $25-30 for the same thjng at target. I will pay that portion, but you have to pay the rest. And that is what my 12 year old does. She has birthday money, etc. that she spends this way. We also talk about how to mix and match the expensive stuff with some cheaper stuff. So we found Athleta tank tops on sale for $9.98. She bought two in different colors. She knows to go look hard at the clearance section.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She won't admit it, but I think it's the brands. She has a pair of Lulemon shorts that she used a Christmas gift card on and another pair of Athleta shorts. Today I showed her some cute Nike athletic shorts that are on sale at Dicks and she wouldn't even look at them.

I was about to say “don’t pick a fight”, but I would pick THIS fight.

I don’t pick this fight, but we do have a budget. I generally say, I could pay $25-30 for the same thjng at target. I will pay that portion, but you have to pay the rest. And that is what my 12 year old does. She has birthday money, etc. that she spends this way. We also talk about how to mix and match the expensive stuff with some cheaper stuff. So we found Athleta tank tops on sale for $9.98. She bought two in different colors. She knows to go look hard at the clearance section.

+1, my 12 year old DD has learned the value of the sale/clearance section. For Lululemon, I tell her I’m not spending $70 on shorts or whatever, so she can either wait to grab them on sale or she uses some of her money to pay for half. I don’t hassle her over colors, she wants multiple pairs of black Athleta/Lululemon shorts and it’s not necessary or worthwhile for me to insist she pick other colors.

[Anonymous]

Either her body is changing and she is self conscious about it so she’s wearing sweatshirts - to hide budding breasts, to hide cutting/self harm, or to hide an eating disorder. She is clinging to controlling her clothes because it’s something she CAN control. If you take this away, she may shift to controlling food and end up with an ED.

If it’s brands and materialism, she’s already shown you that she can wear a minimal capsule wardrobe without complaining. Instead of being a scold about $78 Lulu shorts, consider giving her a set budget and tell her she needs to get x number of tops and bottoms within that total amount.

To all the people saying they would not indulge this pickiness - don’t any of you remember what it is like to be an 11-14 yr old girl? Your body is changing. Your friend dynamics are changing. Both teen boys and adult men start making sexual comments to you. Maybe you want to hide or maybe you want to flaunt your newfound super power. But most of all you want to find yourself, separate from your parents, and fit in at school. Can you possibly indulge a tween girl in some sartorial support to arm her against the emotional turmoil in her brain? I don’t think it’s fair to expect a tween to act like an adult with solid self confidence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Either her body is changing and she is self conscious about it so she’s wearing sweatshirts - to hide budding breasts, to hide cutting/self harm, or to hide an eating disorder. She is clinging to controlling her clothes because it’s something she CAN control. If you take this away, she may shift to controlling food and end up with an ED.

If it’s brands and materialism, she’s already shown you that she can wear a minimal capsule wardrobe without complaining. Instead of being a scold about $78 Lulu shorts, consider giving her a set budget and tell her she needs to get x number of tops and bottoms within that total amount.

To all the people saying they would not indulge this pickiness - don’t any of you remember what it is like to be an 11-14 yr old girl? Your body is changing. Your friend dynamics are changing. Both teen boys and adult men start making sexual comments to you. Maybe you want to hide or maybe you want to flaunt your newfound super power. But most of all you want to find yourself, separate from your parents, and fit in at school. Can you possibly indulge a tween girl in some sartorial support to arm her against the emotional turmoil in her brain? I don’t think it’s fair to expect a tween to act like an adult with solid self confidence.

Yes, and the brand conscious girls were the mean girls. I definitely want my DD to be excluded from THAT group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She won't admit it, but I think it's the brands. She has a pair of Lulemon shorts that she used a Christmas gift card on and another pair of Athleta shorts. Today I showed her some cute Nike athletic shorts that are on sale at Dicks and she wouldn't even look at them.

In this case, I would stop buying my DD clothes. If she wants brand name clothes, she can buy them herself. I would not waste my money on nice clothes she won't even fit into next year.

[Anonymous]

If possible I would just buy duplicates of the acceptable shorts, enough to get through a week. Then set her up with an allowance for clothes and let her manage it. Laundry too.

For events where I care a lot like family funerals, I’d buy the clothes out of my own budget and die on the hill of appropriateness. But generally I don’t want to fight over clothes. 11 is old enough to manage a clothing budget.

[Anonymous]

I love how a PP is arguing that caring about specific brands makes you a bad person. They're so tired in their self-righteousness.

OP, my DD likes specific brands. We give her a budget. She opts to wear a handful of things from these brands over being able to buy a lot of things from Old Navy, Target etc. It's fine. It's a phase. It won't last--promise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If possible I would just buy duplicates of the acceptable shorts, enough to get through a week. Then set her up with an allowance for clothes and let her manage it. Laundry too.

For events where I care a lot like family funerals, I’d buy the clothes out of my own budget and die on the hill of appropriateness. But generally I don’t want to fight over clothes. 11 is old enough to manage a clothing budget.

The other reason here op is that the solution is in your post. When she had a budget to manage, she bought something reasonably practical and wears it nonstop. You might disapprove of lululemon, but at least she’s wearing it. So double down where you’re having success and stop trying to convince her that shorts on sale at dicks are morally superior. It won’t work anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:11 is old enough to do her own laundry.

If it’s the brands look for used.

Oh shut up.

I am a new poster, but am curious why you took offense at PP's post. I just taught my 10 year old how to do laundry, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with buying used clothes - have you heard of Poshmark, the RealReal, even Rent The Runway? Wealthy adults use these sites. There is no shame in buying pre-owned clothing.

[Anonymous]

Your daughter is a typical middle schooler. Let her wear the same thing over and over. I agree with the others, she’s old enough to learn how to do laundry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either her body is changing and she is self conscious about it so she’s wearing sweatshirts - to hide budding breasts, to hide cutting/self harm, or to hide an eating disorder. She is clinging to controlling her clothes because it’s something she CAN control. If you take this away, she may shift to controlling food and end up with an ED.

If it’s brands and materialism, she’s already shown you that she can wear a minimal capsule wardrobe without complaining. Instead of being a scold about $78 Lulu shorts, consider giving her a set budget and tell her she needs to get x number of tops and bottoms within that total amount.

To all the people saying they would not indulge this pickiness - don’t any of you remember what it is like to be an 11-14 yr old girl? Your body is changing. Your friend dynamics are changing. Both teen boys and adult men start making sexual comments to you. Maybe you want to hide or maybe you want to flaunt your newfound super power. But most of all you want to find yourself, separate from your parents, and fit in at school. Can you possibly indulge a tween girl in some sartorial support to arm her against the emotional turmoil in her brain? I don’t think it’s fair to expect a tween to act like an adult with solid self confidence.

Yes, and the brand conscious girls were the mean girls. I definitely want my DD to be excluded from THAT group.

Oh yes I remember that. Guess jeans and Benetton sweaters only.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's normal. Kids who care about brands will stop wearing all other brands.

My DD will only wear Lululemon and because she doesn't have much from there, she ends up in the same outfits. They're always washed though.

You can offer to buy her more from the brands she likes.

I am 46 and have never owned a Lululemon item. Certainly not buying that for a kid.