Perfect guy but he makes less money than me

[Anonymous]

Any chance he has family money?

I married the nice guy with the $80k salary (and excellent benefits) and I had no clue his parents were equipped to pay for our wedding, honeymoon, generous down payment on our first home, etc.

I think he opted for the low paying job knowing his parents would supplement (including gifts like a new car for a milestone birthday and college savings accounts for our kids).

Nonetheless, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t annoyed that I’m the breadwinner with the stressful job that pays our bills. I wasn’t able to be a SAHM. I’m still slightly annoyed about that.

There is definitely something to be said for men who relish in being the provider. Don’t settle if it feels like you are settling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m not looking for a meal ticket.

Age: I’m 29 and he’s 30.

Salary: I make base of $180k but can go up to $230k if I work OT. He makes $80k and his salary will not increase.

Outlook: I’m not sure if I would ever stay home but I want the option to take a couple of years off to raise my kids while they’re young.

I grew up in a large family where we didn’t have a lot of extra money. My dad was the sole provider while my mom took care of us. We couldn’t partake in after programs or extra curricular activities because we didn’t have the expendable income to cover it. I had to work 60 hour weeks and delay college so that I could save up and not take out so many student loans. I didn’t finish my degrees until 23 and 27 because of it.

I want to provide my kids with the opportunities I didn’t have. I want them to be able to partake in any activities they want, go on a family vacation, and pay for their college.

I’ve only ever dated men that have matched my salary or made more. It’s a new territory for me.

This problem will work itself out. You're only six years away from a geriatric pregnancy. It doesn't seem likely that you'll find someone that checks all of your boxes before then.

[Anonymous]

What happens if you can’t have kids?

[Anonymous]

What do you do that you make 180 at 29?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m not looking for a meal ticket.

Age: I’m 29 and he’s 30.

Salary: I make base of $180k but can go up to $230k if I work OT. He makes $80k and his salary will not increase.

Outlook: I’m not sure if I would ever stay home but I want the option to take a couple of years off to raise my kids while they’re young.

I grew up in a large family where we didn’t have a lot of extra money. My dad was the sole provider while my mom took care of us. We couldn’t partake in after programs or extra curricular activities because we didn’t have the expendable income to cover it. I had to work 60 hour weeks and delay college so that I could save up and not take out so many student loans. I didn’t finish my degrees until 23 and 27 because of it.

I want to provide my kids with the opportunities I didn’t have. I want them to be able to partake in any activities they want, go on a family vacation, and pay for their college.

I’ve only ever dated men that have matched my salary or made more. It’s a new territory for me.

This problem will work itself out. You're only six years away from a geriatric pregnancy. It doesn't seem likely that you'll find someone that checks all of your boxes before then.

yep - op posts like she's 21-25

[Anonymous]

Yeah, and women aren't gold diggers...OP will happily marriage a POS man who's rich. But dump a great guy who happens not to be rich.

This is why so many women are unhappy. You're still stupid enough to think money does buy happiness. It doesn't after a few years.

[Anonymous]

I admire your desire to be a SAHM while your kids are under school age and also your intention to plan so this will be possible for you.

I suggest that if you end up staying with this guy you live on as little as possible while saving as much as possible so that you can live on his income and your savings for the years you are staying at home. This would probably mean a smaller house in a lower COL area and foregoing the niceties such as better cars, better vacations, etc. that your higher income would provide and will provide once you go back to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A guy I’ve been dating is everything I want with the exception of his income. His income will likely never change and grow. I know money doesn’t equal happiness and it’s not super important in the grand scheme of things, but it’s important for the life I envision. I want the ability to stay at home when I have kids, give kids a comfortable life, retire, etc. Should I overlook it?

What is your plan to do those things if you didn’t get married? You would need to live below your means, look for ways to maximize your earnings at work, and have good investment besides retirement so your money is working for you vs you working for your money. If you are doing this then his salary is fine as long as he is doing the same and living below means, not going into debt, has a plan for retirement etc.

As far as having kids, if he isn’t making the kind of money to outsource tasks or for you to comfortably SAH with kids, he needs to be pulling his weight with the household chores and the kids. No guy would willingly sign up to be the financial provider AND do all the house and kid stuff while their spouse is in an inflexible lower paying job. Unfortunately you might not know if he is 80K and pulls his weight or 80K and you have to make and fry up the bacon for the household.

[Anonymous]

Am I that out of touch for thinking that making $80k at 30 is doing pretty well? I’m 50+ and just cracked $100k this year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I that out of touch for thinking that making $80k at 30 is doing pretty well? I’m 50+ and just cracked $100k this year.

Same. OP will learn about priorities. A good man that is loyal is better than a not good man, no matter the price.

[Anonymous]

I've made substantially more than my DH for our entire marriage (over 25 years). It sounds like you have more earning potential long term (although weird to have a high paid job that pays overtime) so if you think he is otherwise a good match you need to decide how important staying home is. If it's at the top of your list then this relationship is a non starter. But for me, having a supportive spouse who was "perfect" for me was worth a lot more than his income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, and women aren't gold diggers...OP will happily marriage a POS man who's rich. But dump a great guy who happens not to be rich.

This is why so many women are unhappy. You're still stupid enough to think money does buy happiness. It doesn't after a few years.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m not looking for a meal ticket.

Age: I’m 29 and he’s 30.

Salary: I make base of $180k but can go up to $230k if I work OT. He makes $80k and his salary will not increase.

Outlook: I’m not sure if I would ever stay home but I want the option to take a couple of years off to raise my kids while they’re young.

I grew up in a large family where we didn’t have a lot of extra money. My dad was the sole provider while my mom took care of us. We couldn’t partake in after programs or extra curricular activities because we didn’t have the expendable income to cover it. I had to work 60 hour weeks and delay college so that I could save up and not take out so many student loans. I didn’t finish my degrees until 23 and 27 because of it.

I want to provide my kids with the opportunities I didn’t have. I want them to be able to partake in any activities they want, go on a family vacation, and pay for their college.

I’ve only ever dated men that have matched my salary or made more. It’s a new territory for me.

You are in fact looking for a meal ticket.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems like if this is an issue you should filter for it earlier on. Seems like something that's pretty easy to ballpark.

OP here. That’s what I’ve been doing with men but we met on a night out and it all happened so quick.

I.e, filtering for meal tickets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m not looking for a meal ticket.

Age: I’m 29 and he’s 30.

Salary: I make base of $180k but can go up to $230k if I work OT. He makes $80k and his salary will not increase.

Outlook: I’m not sure if I would ever stay home but I want the option to take a couple of years off to raise my kids while they’re young.

I grew up in a large family where we didn’t have a lot of extra money. My dad was the sole provider while my mom took care of us. We couldn’t partake in after programs or extra curricular activities because we didn’t have the expendable income to cover it. I had to work 60 hour weeks and delay college so that I could save up and not take out so many student loans. I didn’t finish my degrees until 23 and 27 because of it.

I want to provide my kids with the opportunities I didn’t have. I want them to be able to partake in any activities they want, go on a family vacation, and pay for their college.

I’ve only ever dated men that have matched my salary or made more. It’s a new territory for me.

This problem will work itself out. You're only six years away from a geriatric pregnancy. It doesn't seem likely that you'll find someone that checks all of your boxes before then.

yep - op posts like she's 21-25

She should think about why she's single at nearly 30.