Academic Rigor vs. Having a Life

[Anonymous]

I agree that it depends on the kid and the friend group. I have 2 recent SR grads. They were not stressed in high school and had a great social life. I think the block schedule helped a lot. They learned to be efficient and did very well- definitely not perfectionists. College is harder, due to their majors, but they are doing very well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are there any area privates that allow kids to have both? Can your DC really have a challenging curriculum and do multiple sports and have a social life outside school?

Children in this area, particularly in private, seem to be so over scheduled and stressed out.

Love how you want "academic rigor" plus you want your kid to have a life and let me guess, you also want them to get into an ivy or a top 20 college too. Life doesn't work like that. Just go to Bullis where your kid will definitely have a life. Probably no academic rigor and if you are a legacy they might still get into a top school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I know that Stone Ridge is very supportive of their students having outside sports and activities. Our DD have never had an issue leaving school early or missing a day of school for a club sport competition, as long as we notified the school ahead of time. Teachers have always been supportive allowing the students to make up work or tests thay were missed on those days. SR has a “whole child” approach to their education: growing mind, body, and spirit.

I can second this ... Our child is in SR MS. We haven't done much missing school besides medical appointments, but the block schedule/workload has felt balanced and our child says school is "fun" (the school day itself). I like looking forward to where I spend my day, and I'm glad she does as well .

SR is very different in high school, when students have to make choices about taking honors and AP courses. It is very competitive for students who are looking for that. You could also take the less rigorous route and not take any AP courses, but that would hamper college admissions choices.

+1 my daughter studies all the time. I see kids from other private high schools who seem to not be as stressed.

A perfect example of trying to balance rigor and school spirit is when the girls at SR attend games with their laptops open. We saw this during a visit to the school and decided this was the place for my academically motivated daughter.

This is a dumb reason to pick a school - that the girls feel so much academic pressure that they watched a game while tethered to their laptops. Oh, great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I personally worry about girls schools being too academically focused because girls often have a tendency to be perfectionists. Girls already outnumber boys in college. I imagine any competitive girls school will have an academically intense environment.

Umm, let me guess, you are a "stay at home mom" - an unemployed woman with nothing to do but fret about what life *might* be like in the big scary world beyond your kitchen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know of any capable, high-achieving high school student who ISN'T stressed-out. In public or private, for that matter! It's not a function of the school, it's a function of the student's and their family's awareness that it's difficult to find the "best-fit" college, and it's challenging to juggle academics with extra-curriculars. That's all. Then they get into college and feel better.

Actually, I'll go even further: if you're not at least a little stressed out and aware of the challenges in high school, you're likely to be more stressed out in college, because it won't be the right one, or you're not entirely prepared for it. The ones who work really hard in high school towards their goals and find the right college for themselves, tend to be the ones who can relax a little once they get there, because they're highly prepared and they've made sure to select the best fit.

This. I don't know how often I have heard, at least from all girls schools like NCS, Holton and Visi, that college was a cake walk due to their high school preparation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally worry about girls schools being too academically focused because girls often have a tendency to be perfectionists. Girls already outnumber boys in college. I imagine any competitive girls school will have an academically intense environment.

Umm, let me guess, you are a "stay at home mom" - an unemployed woman with nothing to do but fret about what life *might* be like in the big scary world beyond your kitchen.

Not PP but there’s some truth to the post. I went to an all girl’s school attached to a boys school. The girl’s school was known to be harder. The boy’s school was just as prestigious. College outcomes were the same, and the boys had better careers. Just look at NCS vs STA or Holton vs Landon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally worry about girls schools being too academically focused because girls often have a tendency to be perfectionists. Girls already outnumber boys in college. I imagine any competitive girls school will have an academically intense environment.

Umm, let me guess, you are a "stay at home mom" - an unemployed woman with nothing to do but fret about what life *might* be like in the big scary world beyond your kitchen.

Not PP but there’s some truth to the post. I went to an all girl’s school attached to a boys school. The girl’s school was known to be harder. The boy’s school was just as prestigious. College outcomes were the same, and the boys had better careers. Just look at NCS vs STA or Holton vs Landon.

NP. These posts are odd. Women being fully empowered means they can choose to work or not work or a little of both. I am fortunate enough and confident enough that I worked then decided to raise my kids myself rather than hiring someone else to raise my kids. PP sounds bitter. Maybe she shouldn't work so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally worry about girls schools being too academically focused because girls often have a tendency to be perfectionists. Girls already outnumber boys in college. I imagine any competitive girls school will have an academically intense environment.

Umm, let me guess, you are a "stay at home mom" - an unemployed woman with nothing to do but fret about what life *might* be like in the big scary world beyond your kitchen.

DP. You sound bitter and like you work too much. Maybe you need a vacation from work. I will enjoy looking at the ocean on my vacation while I sip on a yummy beverage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally worry about girls schools being too academically focused because girls often have a tendency to be perfectionists. Girls already outnumber boys in college. I imagine any competitive girls school will have an academically intense environment.

Umm, let me guess, you are a "stay at home mom" - an unemployed woman with nothing to do but fret about what life *might* be like in the big scary world beyond your kitchen.

At the first parent meeting at Stone Ridge, the Head of the Upper School compared the general differences between how a girl and a boy would complete a poster for a presentation, stating that the girl might take a couple of trips to Michael’s and the boy would complete it in the car on the way to school. A bit extreme, maybe- but a very important point about the tendency for girls to want things to be perfect.

I thought that was incredibly helpful insight and a management strategy that my girls learned at Stone Ridge that continues to serve them well.

I was lucky enough to be a stay-at-home Mom for a decade. I think my kids have less concern about the world out there because of that, rather than in spite of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really think it depends on your kid. My daughter played multiple sports at NCS. She had a great social life with kids from all over the DMV, obviously including STA.

She chose not to compete with the "smartest" kids at school. She has a 3.87 uw gpa and 35 ACT score first try.

I really think kids need to decide what is important to them and as a parent, be supportive of their choices.

Your daughter sounds like an impressive kid and the exception to the rule. It sounds like she coasted to the top 10% in the class (the average NCS GPA is a 3.5) with an active social life and many athletics. 90% of the girls can't achieve this. My daughter and friends like the school but they work really hard for uneven grades and barely see boys (despite being lovely, outgoing and wanting interaction.) They do play several sports per year.

Thank you for your kind words! I may have come across as mean or bragging. That was not my intention. My daughter did not coast into her grades, but realized she had to study to make grades. She also realized that she would never be at the top of her class in GPA, nor would she ever be considered for a scholarship for sports. She decided to take a path that let her do the things that were important to her. She was very social with kids all over the DMV.

I just think there is a balance that can be found between academics, sports and social life for your kids. We didn't push her to be in a top 20 school. She chose where she was most comfortable and is on the Deans list at a big State school that most on this forum would look down on.

good luck to everyone!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally worry about girls schools being too academically focused because girls often have a tendency to be perfectionists. Girls already outnumber boys in college. I imagine any competitive girls school will have an academically intense environment.

Umm, let me guess, you are a "stay at home mom" - an unemployed woman with nothing to do but fret about what life *might* be like in the big scary world beyond your kitchen.

Not PP but there’s some truth to the post. I went to an all girl’s school attached to a boys school. The girl’s school was known to be harder. The boy’s school was just as prestigious. College outcomes were the same, and the boys had better careers. Just look at NCS vs STA or Holton vs Landon.

NP. These posts are odd. Women being fully empowered means they can choose to work or not work or a little of both. I am fortunate enough and confident enough that I worked then decided to raise my kids myself rather than hiring someone else to raise my kids. PP sounds bitter. Maybe she shouldn't work so much.

Hmm defensive much?😆 A hurt dog will howl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally worry about girls schools being too academically focused because girls often have a tendency to be perfectionists. Girls already outnumber boys in college. I imagine any competitive girls school will have an academically intense environment.

Umm, let me guess, you are a "stay at home mom" - an unemployed woman with nothing to do but fret about what life *might* be like in the big scary world beyond your kitchen.

DP. You sound bitter and like you work too much. Maybe you need a vacation from work. I will enjoy looking at the ocean on my vacation while I sip on a yummy beverage.

But Bethany Beach is so . . . pedestrian. Enjoy though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally worry about girls schools being too academically focused because girls often have a tendency to be perfectionists. Girls already outnumber boys in college. I imagine any competitive girls school will have an academically intense environment.

Umm, let me guess, you are a "stay at home mom" - an unemployed woman with nothing to do but fret about what life *might* be like in the big scary world beyond your kitchen.

DP. You sound bitter and like you work too much. Maybe you need a vacation from work. I will enjoy looking at the ocean on my vacation while I sip on a yummy beverage.

You’re on vacation but still choosing to look at DCUM???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally worry about girls schools being too academically focused because girls often have a tendency to be perfectionists. Girls already outnumber boys in college. I imagine any competitive girls school will have an academically intense environment.

Umm, let me guess, you are a "stay at home mom" - an unemployed woman with nothing to do but fret about what life *might* be like in the big scary world beyond your kitchen.

Well, that was a leap. Pls explain how you concluded PP is a SAHP and why you dislike that so much.

[Anonymous]

There is a lot of generalization in the question. My graduate of a private school was really busy but loved it. He took a lot of advanced classes. Did he study a ton? Sure, but he had a good group of friends who did the same and these guys will be life-long buddies. He was also at school a lot for meets and activities. He played three sports, was involved in a bunch of clubs. In the summers he had a job but also had a lot of socializing time then and the summer reset is something all my kids love. He is also very close to his sisters. Bottom line, I don’t think he would look at his HS experience and say I wish I had studied less or done fewer activities. If anything, he reflects on that time more fondly.

His younger sisters (also at private) seem to be in the same path (though one will take fewer honors classes for sure). My oldest daughter does seem to be more perfectionist in her tendencies and it takes a lot of reminding to keep her feeling that she is in the drivers seat and has a lot of choice in how she approaches the world. Parenting can def feel tiring in this respect -my son needed less hand-holding - but the kids are fun to be around so it makes up for it.

It often feels like parents are looking for this magic work life balance and should rather see if their kid seems to like their life. Kids in private schools have so many choices and resources - take advantage of those! It also seems like a lot of parents set their kids up for stress in that they put too much pressure on college choices and set standards where they don’t allow their kids to fail (and some seem to put pressure on the social stuff too, want kids to be popular). The parents themselves also seem stressed which I think the kids end up modeling.

Also, be careful what you wish for - a lot of kids who are “balanced” do a lot of partying in HS. Staying busy was a godsend for my oldest kid bc he made a lot of friends but didn’t get into trouble. It seems the younger ones are on the same path - or at least I hope so.

So that is my long way of saying, take your cues from your kid and don’t create a problem where there isn’t one.