DS being teased for being short

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess related to the height thread…DS told me tonight several of his friends have recently been making fun of him daily for being shorter than they are. These are 10/11 year olds who are all over the place in terms of growth, but DS is on the smaller side. Anyone got good responses? Because so far asking them to stop has apparently done nothing.

This sort of bullying is a form of oppression, and is most definitely not ok!

[Anonymous]

My DS had this issue in MS, and his reply was to roll with it and say, "I'm fun size!"

But by the time he was about half-way through 8th grade he was tired of it all and moved to, "your mom didn't think I was so small last night".

And I was perfectly fine with that reply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess related to the height thread…DS told me tonight several of his friends have recently been making fun of him daily for being shorter than they are. These are 10/11 year olds who are all over the place in terms of growth, but DS is on the smaller side. Anyone got good responses? Because so far asking them to stop has apparently done nothing.

This sort of bullying is a form of oppression, and is most definitely not ok!

It's actually a dominance play and MS is the age where kids tend to test this stuff out, even with friends. While not pleasant for any of us, it's developmentally normal. Since struggles over dominance, in one form or another, will happen throughout your life time, the best way forward is to figure out how to deal with it.

Not allowing the dominance play is a good strategy. Hence, simply agreeing to the obvious truth without appearing to bothered by it.

[Anonymous]

Your son needs privacy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS had this issue in MS, and his reply was to roll with it and say, "I'm fun size!"

But by the time he was about half-way through 8th grade he was tired of it all and moved to, "your mom didn't think I was so small last night".

And I was perfectly fine with that reply.

"I got size where it matters. Ask your mom"

is a pretty good response

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS had this issue in MS, and his reply was to roll with it and say, "I'm fun size!"

But by the time he was about half-way through 8th grade he was tired of it all and moved to, "your mom didn't think I was so small last night".

And I was perfectly fine with that reply.

Gross. No

[Anonymous]

If not short..they get picked on for being too fat, too thin, bad haircut, too smart, not smart enough…etc.

There is always something to pick on. The common denominator is how of a reaction he gives. If he doesn’t care and ignores, it becomes no fun. No mom sex jokes, inappropriate for a 10 yr old especially

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Don’t ask them to stop. The best way to get them to stop is to agree. “Yep, I’m short!” And then move on.

This is what DS did, and it was fairly effective. He is now 5'6" at age 15, and although he is still relatively short, the height differential is not nearly as bad as when he was 13. No one says anything at all at this point.

OP - we practiced saying that this morning, will see how it goes.

It will take a while for the serious teasing to die down. Don’t expect any big changes quickly. And your son will probably always get some sort of comments about it.

Whenever someone has a “deficit” in terms of conventional standards of attractiveness, they can either keep the chip on their shoulder or just focus on developing a good personality and being a good person. A lot of tall guys are really boring because they can just coast on their height, socially speaking. And a lot of short guys have Napoleon complexes and take their insecurities out on others. You don’t want either one. You can’t control your son but do your best to teach him to shrug off the comments and move on. Model that in yourself too.

[Anonymous]

“Your mom wasn’t complaining last night”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If not short..they get picked on for being too fat, too thin, bad haircut, too smart, not smart enough…etc.

There is always something to pick on. The common denominator is how of a reaction he gives. If he doesn’t care and ignores, it becomes no fun. No mom sex jokes, inappropriate for a 10 yr old especially

+1. This is spot on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a tall DH and very tall DS, and this is something that I’ve been hyper aware of since my DS was a very tall toddler and the mothers of much smaller toddler boys would comment on it. We (adults) are obsessed with tall people and give tall people so many unearned social privileges because they are tall. It is dumb and unfair, but children do it because they are mirroring what adults do. If we, the grown ups, could quit being obsessed with others’ bodies, this wouldn’t be a problem. It is not appropriate for us to constantly comment on others bodies.

-he’s so tall
-she’s so petite and cute
-she’s so tiny
-she’s so pretty
-what delicate features she has

I hear people saying these sorts of things about children all the time. You are doing a few things when you do this. First, you are drawing attention to the appearance and body of a child. Why? What valuable purpose does that serve? Secondly, you are sending a message to those children that you approve of and admire their body or appearance. Why? Further, you are sending a message to the other children around that might not have those same characteristics, that they are lesser, because they are not tall, or cute, or petite.

Just drop the commentary on people’s bodies in general.

This will fall on deaf ears, but it's so true. All of you not happy about hearing these comments to your short son, ask yourself if you've ever said anything to a tall person. I have a very tall son and I can tell you every single one of you have. All of you.

Model the behavior you want and stop commenting on other people's bodies in general is the best advice.

[Anonymous]

I also have a small 10yo. He doesn't care and ignores, so they move on.

[Anonymous]

At least I'm not ugly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DS had this issue in MS, and his reply was to roll with it and say, "I'm fun size!"

But by the time he was about half-way through 8th grade he was tired of it all and moved to, "your mom didn't think I was so small last night".

And I was perfectly fine with that reply.

Gross. No

So tacky.

[Anonymous]

OP - the "your mom" comment aren't going to fly here. He's 10. But I don't care if he was 25, there are other ways to respond. Thank you for the constructive responses, very helpful!