BIL and family are ALWAYS late

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is this?

We get together with DH’s family once every month or two, and every single time BIL’s family is late by 30 minutes - 1 hour, and sometimes more.

Most recently, I booked a table for us around Christmas at a nice restaurant. (This was planned months in advance.) MIL came in and said that one half of the family - mom and kid 1 - would be there about 45 minutes late, and the other half - dad and kid 2 - wouldn’t make it. Neither texted me nor my husband, who planned the gathering. Mom did not apologize at all when she got there.

What is this? These are two adults in their 40s with full-time jobs, so presumably they are able to manage their time in that context. I think it’s extremely rude and it makes me want to exclude them.

You do not wait for them to arrive. Order your meal and begin eating. Next time those who don't let you know they can't attend then you simply do not invite them. You do not have to put up with rude people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: here’s another example. They once planned a birthday party for BIL at an outdoor location that was mutually inconvenient for everyone (about 2 hours away from where all of us live). Not even twenty minutes into it they said it was too cold and left! They just walked away while we were all laughing/calling out in disbelief.

It's not hard to draw the appropriate conclusions, OP. You don't need to put yourself in these situations again, decline. If spouse wants to go, so be it.

+1 They are showing you how you what you should do. Don't hold dinners for them. Don't go to places your party needs reservations/tickets for - or let them get their own. Don't extend yourself too much. You can't control for them so stop doing it. You know what to expect.

My aunt and uncle were this way (although they would never have ditched us like your BIL has). It drove my mom and grandmother crazy but my aunt and uncle are great people and we really enjoy their company. We just expect them to be late to everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: here’s another example. They once planned a birthday party for BIL at an outdoor location that was mutually inconvenient for everyone (about 2 hours away from where all of us live). Not even twenty minutes into it they said it was too cold and left! They just walked away while we were all laughing/calling out in disbelief.

Mental disorders.

Stop making plans with or for these types. They don’t care, they don’t get any happiness or utility out of going new places, doing things or hanging out with you. Stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is this?

We get together with DH’s family once every month or two, and every single time BIL’s family is late by 30 minutes - 1 hour, and sometimes more.

Most recently, I booked a table for us around Christmas at a nice restaurant. (This was planned months in advance.) MIL came in and said that one half of the family - mom and kid 1 - would be there about 45 minutes late, and the other half - dad and kid 2 - wouldn’t make it. Neither texted me nor my husband, who planned the gathering. Mom did not apologize at all when she got there.

What is this? These are two adults in their 40s with full-time jobs, so presumably they are able to manage their time in that context. I think it’s extremely rude and it makes me want to exclude them.

They’ll probably be divorced in a matter of years. One or both parents in that marriage with the two kids has major problems Adulting. And if they also have a temper….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: here’s another example. They once planned a birthday party for BIL at an outdoor location that was mutually inconvenient for everyone (about 2 hours away from where all of us live). Not even twenty minutes into it they said it was too cold and left! They just walked away while we were all laughing/calling out in disbelief.

This sounds like something totally different than chronically late. But they will never be on time. Don't book restaurants with them anymore. Let them plan the outings in the future. If they can't or won't, oh well.

They left their own party? Who are these people?

Plus they don’t bring or wear coats.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like something happened with one kid OP, and maybe they know you won't be sympathetic. Did you ask if the dh and the other kid were ok? What did she say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like something happened with one kid OP, and maybe they know you won't be sympathetic. Did you ask if the dh and the other kid were ok? What did she say?

Do you really think people are going to pull the "OMG are you all OK!?" Every time the chronically couple are late? There's nothing wrong with them. They are just a bunch of flakes who always do this. Everyone has kids and other pressures esp during a busy holiday season, but still manage to get places reasonably on time or give a heads up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like something happened with one kid OP, and maybe they know you won't be sympathetic. Did you ask if the dh and the other kid were ok? What did she say?

They’d probably tell you to Shut Up if you asked them each and every time why they were late, is everything OK?

That or you’d get a new nonsense excuse everytime.

[Anonymous]

My brother is like this. He might have undiagnosed ADHD. Ever since he started driving, he's been late. It drove my dad insane but his friends accept it because he's charismatic and generous once he shows up. U deal with it by sticking to our schedule. We order, eat, settle the tab and leave on time. If he wants to hang out and open his own tab with whomever remains, that's on him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother is like this. He might have undiagnosed ADHD. Ever since he started driving, he's been late. It drove my dad insane but his friends accept it because he's charismatic and generous once he shows up. U deal with it by sticking to our schedule. We order, eat, settle the tab and leave on time. If he wants to hang out and open his own tab with whomever remains, that's on him.

+1
I married into a family like this. I follow my MiL when we visit them for a week overseas.
She has notes on what to turn off or double check on the wall if every room.

75% of thr time we leave late or have to return home for something for FIL or single BIL.
They don’t eat out it’s just too much. fIL harasses the waitstaff with a billion questions or condiment requests and then can barely cut his steak in slow motion.
He also can’t drive but doesn’t let MiL drive so we’re praying the whole drive as people pass us left and right as we go 20 mph under the speed limit.

We tried taking them to the Caribbean once and that backfired. They lack energy to do anything and prefer to stay in the condo and make lentil stew for four hours! They can’t handle new things; they need their annual family visit and just sit and veg in their homeland condo or their own house or our house.

[Anonymous]

My uncle is always like this and people expect it. We either tell him an hour early or start without him and he and his family can eat cold food. If they come and we are done say at a restaurant then we leave. He has learned and is now no later than 20 minutes late… he and his family used to be hours!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is this?

We get together with DH’s family once every month or two, and every single time BIL’s family is late by 30 minutes - 1 hour, and sometimes more.

Most recently, I booked a table for us around Christmas at a nice restaurant. (This was planned months in advance.) MIL came in and said that one half of the family - mom and kid 1 - would be there about 45 minutes late, and the other half - dad and kid 2 - wouldn’t make it. Neither texted me nor my husband, who planned the gathering. Mom did not apologize at all when she got there.

What is this? These are two adults in their 40s with full-time jobs, so presumably they are able to manage their time in that context. I think it’s extremely rude and it makes me want to exclude them.

I'd stop planning stuff and/or I would go ahead without them. If or when they ask why they aren't included I'd tell them they aren't reliably on time.

Or if you are going to do something with them, keep it casual so your family can eat at a reasonable time and they can make a plate if they show up.

[Anonymous]

Rude and highly inconsiderate!
Maybe the parents both have ADHD, but even if they do that does not mean they cannot recognize the impact on other people.
I would have let them have it around Christmas.
RUDE!

[Anonymous]

Does it matter what it is? Don't make plans with them anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: here’s another example. They once planned a birthday party for BIL at an outdoor location that was mutually inconvenient for everyone (about 2 hours away from where all of us live). Not even twenty minutes into it they said it was too cold and left! They just walked away while we were all laughing/calling out in disbelief.

This sounds like something totally different than chronically late. But they will never be on time. Don't book restaurants with them anymore. Let them plan the outings in the future. If they can't or won't, oh well.

It’s an example to show how inconsiderate they are. But you’re right.

Wow. They sound like aholes. Good riddance.