Advice for DC who will be asked to sign a prenup

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Best prenup I saw was the spouse received 1 percent of the wealth per year of marriage up to 50 percent with a 2 percent bonus for each child brought into the marriage.

Seriously?! Wow. Very interesting. Are you an attorney?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Best prenup I saw was the spouse received 1 percent of the wealth per year of marriage up to 50 percent with a 2 percent bonus for each child brought into the marriage.

My cousin’s is similar to this. The “bonus” is for lifestyle / living expenses aside from child support. That’s how it was explained to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they will live in a house bought by the trust and owned only by one partner it means your child is foregoing one of the key ways to build wealth. Ditto for vacation homes or other investment. Similar situation if trust funder decides not to work or work a low paying part time hobby job, little joint wealth accumulation.

Your child should think of this as marrying someone who may bring very little to the joint pot.

+1 ding ding ding

I even read a story in here about soon-to-be XW who was going to owe her layabout trust fund husband alimony because he would not work and would not use a dime of his trust fund on their joint lives.

I’m not against prenupts, but you should have your eyes wide open about every aspect of how this kind of situation can turn out.

I also know two people in this situation where they are divorcing someone very wealthy, will leave with nothing, and need to pay alimony because the ex doesn't (need to) work. Your child needs to think seriously about worst case scenarios. What if they settle in an expensive area and have a disabled child or is disabled themselves? I'm not interested in taking my spouses family business or fortune, but if I'm with someone for decades who has great wealth, I want to know that my kids and I will be able to maintain a reasonable lifestyle. I know too many cases of wealthy spouses who deny their soon to be ex access to funds, get the hotshot lawyer, and get what they want by threatening to go for sole custody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they will live in a house bought by the trust and owned only by one partner it means your child is foregoing one of the key ways to build wealth. Ditto for vacation homes or other investment. Similar situation if trust funder decides not to work or work a low paying part time hobby job, little joint wealth accumulation.

Your child should think of this as marrying someone who may bring very little to the joint pot.

+1 ding ding ding

I even read a story in here about soon-to-be XW who was going to owe her layabout trust fund husband alimony because he would not work and would not use a dime of his trust fund on their joint lives.

I’m not against prenupts, but you should have your eyes wide open about every aspect of how this kind of situation can turn out.

I also know two people in this situation where they are divorcing someone very wealthy, will leave with nothing, and need to pay alimony because the ex doesn't (need to) work. Your child needs to think seriously about worst case scenarios. What if they settle in an expensive area and have a disabled child or is disabled themselves? I'm not interested in taking my spouses family business or fortune, but if I'm with someone for decades who has great wealth, I want to know that my kids and I will be able to maintain a reasonable lifestyle. I know too many cases of wealthy spouses who deny their soon to be ex access to funds, get the hotshot lawyer, and get what they want by threatening to go for sole custody.

There was a woman on the nycitymoms forum complaining that she is experiencing this. She married a wealthy man and said the house she lived in was a family home in a trust. Felt bad for her.

She said she never though he would do this to her.

[Anonymous]

A friend of mine signed a prenup that was null if they had (or adopted) children. I don’t know why they chose to structure it that way - whether it’s because their kids could then inherit or because they just wanted to protect assets if the marriage ended quickly or something else. It’s a moot point now.

[Anonymous]

Make sure the pre-nup goes both ways and is crystal clear about assets/income accumulated during marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Best prenup I saw was the spouse received 1 percent of the wealth per year of marriage up to 50 percent with a 2 percent bonus for each child brought into the marriage.

Seriously?! Wow. Very interesting. Are you an attorney?

So only ~12-14% after 10 years of marriage? In what universe is that a good prenup?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Family assets a spouse brings to the marriage are protected, as would be any inheritance provided assets aren't commingled. Otherwise any wealth acquired during the marriage should be evenly split. I would tell your DC not to agree to anything less than that. If there are education trusts in the mix, wonderful, but shouldn't be relevant to a pre-nup.

This is unreasonable unless you DC is an equal Werner. If not you DC needs an alimony section that states what they get to live without spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Think about scenarios where the rich spouse dies, and what happens to their assets and what the surviving spouse would inherit. Probably would want that to be more than just life insurance. If the surviving spouse would need a chunk of the inheritance (say surviving spouse was a SAHP), figure that out. If there’s a divorce, there must be a way to keep the parties from trying to hide assets. An experienced lawyer will know. Good for all of you for not taking it personally.

OP here. These are scenarios we are wondering about. Hard to say which parent would stay at home but would want surviving spouse to be able to care for kids. DH and I have lost siblings in their parenting prime and life for survivors can be a disaster!

Assets must go to any children born of this marriage.

Your DC’s children should have a trust written into the pre-nuptials.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Best prenup I saw was the spouse received 1 percent of the wealth per year of marriage up to 50 percent with a 2 percent bonus for each child brought into the marriage.

Seriously?! Wow. Very interesting. Are you an attorney?

So only ~12-14% after 10 years of marriage? In what universe is that a good prenup?

12% is still more than you will see in a lifetime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find an attorney who is used to representing the person who has been asked to sign one. They will know exactly what to do and what to advise.

This. Your kid needs her own lawyer.

Yep. Anything else we tell you is useless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Best prenup I saw was the spouse received 1 percent of the wealth per year of marriage up to 50 percent with a 2 percent bonus for each child brought into the marriage.

Wow 1% extra bonus for carrying, birthing and raising a child! How incredibly generous and not at all evocative of what the wealthy partner thinks of the value of women

Are you serious? Being pregnant and delivering a baby isn't rocket science. I literally rolled my eyes that this was a "bonus." Like any idiot can give birth to a baby. I certainly don't consider that to be bonus worthy and I'm the mom of 7 kids. Besides the "raising" a child is something both of them do so, again, not worthy of a "bonus." Some of you sure are entitled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the tips. Obviously our DC will find a qualified attorney.

I don’t believe a prenup is a red flag at all. I appreciate the post about how they will live in particular because I suspect they will live in a house paid for at least in part by trust funds etc and was wondering about that.

I would make sure DC can and will inherit house in case of spouse’s death, because losing someone is a shock and not having a place to live after that is more of a shock.

I also don’t see it as a red flag. One could make an argument not agreeing to one is a red flag.

A friend married a guy who turned out to want her trust. Thankfully, my friend’s mom had moved the money to a place the spouse of ten minutes could not access. The husband took what he could from their shared abode and cheated right away.

[Anonymous]

OP here thanks everyone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You tell them not to agree to it. This is a red flag.

Agree. DH and I both come from money. No prenups. I would never have asked him to sign one. And I would not have married him had he asked me to sign one. It’s a shi77y way to start a marriage.