teenage sons have zero interests

[Anonymous]

Please help me figure out how to handle my teenaged sons. Top students at a private school. But no social life and zero enthusiasm for anything. They have been given every opportunity imaginable -- sports, music, country club, church activities -- everything that other kids this age seem to do in their free time. They do have part time summer jobs, but all they want to do with their free time is play xbox or surf the internet. And I mean all. They used to be involved in lots of activities when they were younger. But now it's like a light switched off, and when I offer to take them anywhere, even to a movie, no interest. I have tried taking all of the electronics away, but I can't make them go out and enjoy life. I've tried negotiating -- no electronics until after dinner, but then they just mope around all day, surf the web all night, and sleep until noon. How can I get them engaged again? Is this a phase other kids go through? It seems like everyone else I know has happy, active teenagers.

[Anonymous]

Sounds serious, OP. I would consult a therapist. I have no practical advice for you in terms of how you should deal with your sons because I don't know - but I would suggest talking to an expert who could give you advice.

But don't be fooled into thinking everyone else has happy, active teens. You might have thought that about my dd if you didn't know her well, but the truth is that she spent a week in a mental hospital when she was suicidal.

Good luck! Hope this gets better!

[Anonymous]

I don't think it sounds all that serious. How old are they? I think it's pretty typical. Not that it's good, but I don't think it's a sign of serious pathology.

[Anonymous]

Maybe they'd like to join a wine club. Just kidding. Tell them "Look, this is unacceptable. You have until August to pick something physical to do, or else I'll pick it for you AND pick out what you'll wear for it." I love threatening costumes; it always lights a fire under their asses.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to take away electronics altogether, for a month, and insist that they spend a certain number hours a day doing something that looks like it is interesting to them, before they get the Xbox etc back.

A month is enough time to really detox. Sounds like they are addicted.

[Anonymous]

How old are they - young teens or older teens?

[Anonymous]

They have part-time jobs - but do they work around the house? What are their household responsibilities?

I would get them mowing the lawn, doing laundry, cooking dinner, weeding the garden - the list goes on. Walk the dog, walk the neighbors' dogs, volunteer at the library, mow the elderly neighbor-lady's yard. You get the picture.

Do they have reading/writing to do for the fall?

After all of the above plus more is done, they can have an hour or so of screen-time.

That would be my approach.

[Anonymous]

Maybe they just need some down time. They are top students and have part-time jobs. It's Summer. I think you need to give them a little space.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe they just need some down time. They are top students and have part-time jobs. It's Summer. I think you need to give them a little space.

I think this is a good point; however, I would be concerned too about what this down time consists of. Sleeping til noon would not be acceptable to me. They should still have chores and responsibilities around the house. And things like pleasure reading rather than electronics.

[Anonymous]

Sounds normal and not a problem. My parents complained all I wanted to do was watch TV.

Plus, they obviously have interests, "gaming" and whatever they look at on the Internet. There are kids that post some popular YouTube videos -- that is a valid interest.

[Anonymous]

What are their part time jobs? Are they related to interests they could pursue?

[Anonymous]

Why don't you sign them up as volunteers? Are they old enough to be working?

[Anonymous]

When I was in high school, my parents left a list for us each morning, and we had to do everything on the list before we were allowed to watch any tv or talk on the phone. Now, a lot of time we broke this rule and rushed around finishing stuff before they got home, but the few times we didn't have the stuff done before they got home we lost the phones in our rooms for a week. (the equivilent would be to take their cell phones or computers).

Ideas for the lists of daily tasks would be chores that need to be done around the house, especially fixing this, scheduling appointments, yard work, an hour of exercise, an hour of reading something, worksheets or workbooks to get ahead on whatever class you think they may struggle with in the fall, email or letter to grandparents, etc.

[Anonymous]

Sleeping til noon is pretty much par for the course for teenagers. I remember my mother telling me that I was wasting half my day b/c I slept til noon on the weekends. Didn't feel like that to me! I would make sure they have chores and when the chores get done, they can play video games, surf the net, etc. We all do it so what's wrong with them doing it? I would make sure there is a limit though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe they just need some down time. They are top students and have part-time jobs. It's Summer. I think you need to give them a little space.

I think this is a good point; however, I would be concerned too about what this down time consists of. Sleeping til noon would not be acceptable to me. They should still have chores and responsibilities around the house. And things like pleasure reading rather than electronics.

Guy here. When I was that age I would spend ALL my free time behind the computer. And I LOVED it. What's the benefit of pleasure reading above playing computer games?

Just let them be.