How can I prevent dh's relatives from visiting?

[Anonymous]

I know I probably sound like a huge b*tch, but but I absolutely cannot stand when dh's parents come visit. He gets along horribly with them and he has a short temper to begin with, and every time we see them it is an incredibly stressful situation. Literally everyone ends up screaming and fighting with each other and then dh and I get into fights because I'm mad that they are all fighting, etc. I don't know why he agrees to their visits (he doesn't want them to come either!) but he does, and any efforts I make to suggest that they stay home are not received well by him. I just don't understand because if you got along so poorly with your parents why would you agree to a visit??? This weekend, MIL has informed us that she is coming in sept with another random relative from out of the country, and even though dh was fighting with her about it, he relented. I'm just so frustrated because I cannot stand these visits, yet I don't think I can reasonably outlaw his family from coming! How to handle??

[Anonymous]

Go out of town when they visit!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go out of town when they visit!

My mom does this when my dad's mother comes to visit. She is local to them, so not exactly the same situation, but her idea was that if she wasn't around she didn't have to deal with her! It seems to work well for all parties involved.

[Anonymous]

I would LOVE to do that but my dh would throw a fit.. Plus I have an infant that they all want to see, who I can't leave, so it wouldn't work out even if dh agreed.

[Anonymous]

I understand your situation- and unfortunately I can't think of a single thing that would keep my MIL away from her grandson. So you are probably out of luck. BUT- whe your LO is older, you can get out of town when they come. I assume you're hesitant to leave an infant, but I don't hesitate to let my DH spend as much time as he wants to with DS (3 YO) and MIL. Quality bonding time without mom getting in the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would LOVE to do that but my dh would throw a fit.. Plus I have an infant that they all want to see, who I can't leave, so it wouldn't work out even if dh agreed.

So what if he throws a fit! Do you think it's ok for your kid to be around all that yelling and stress? Do what is best for your child and tell him why you are leaving. You can visit during the day for a couple of hours with the kid so they can see it, then leave. Suggest anger management for your husband if you are afraid of telling him this.

[Anonymous]

Are they staying with you? You should have them stay at a hotel and say your family will have lunch with them. Have lunch and say it's time for DC's nap and leave. You've fulfilled your obligation and no fighting, at least I hope they don't get in a fight in a two hour span in public.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would LOVE to do that but my dh would throw a fit.. Plus I have an infant that they all want to see, who I can't leave, so it wouldn't work out even if dh agreed.

It sounds o me like he's throwing a fit either way. I would say,
"I appreciate that your family is important to you, but the yellig and emotional abuse is extremely unhealthy, and it is unfair for you to expose our child and myself to that environment. You are welcome to invite your family, but DC and I will be elsewhere during their visit."

[Anonymous]

Why are you letting fear of your husband's emotional outbursts force you in to a miserable situation? That is classic emotional bullying/ abuse. He blows up so that you do what he wants you to do.

Put a stop to it, now, before that infant becomes aware. PP's script is close, but a little too weak for my style. If it were me, I would state my case, and at the first sign of a raised voice, throw up a hand and say "do NOT speak to me that way." If that doesn't get his attention, walk out (with baby), and try again later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would LOVE to do that but my dh would throw a fit.. Plus I have an infant that they all want to see, who I can't leave, so it wouldn't work out even if dh agreed.

I suspect they know what a cow you are.
But if when they start arguing you can pack up the infant and leave. Babies need calm and that is all you have to tell them when you go to the mall, museum, friends house for a few hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know I probably sound like a huge b*tch, but but I absolutely cannot stand when dh's parents come visit. He gets along horribly with them and he has a short temper to begin with, and every time we see them it is an incredibly stressful situation. Literally everyone ends up screaming and fighting with each other and then dh and I get into fights because I'm mad that they are all fighting, etc. I don't know why he agrees to their visits (he doesn't want them to come either!) but he does, and any efforts I make to suggest that they stay home are not received well by him. I just don't understand because if you got along so poorly with your parents why would you agree to a visit??? This weekend, MIL has informed us that she is coming in sept with another random relative from out of the country, and even though dh was fighting with her about it, he relented. I'm just so frustrated because I cannot stand these visits, yet I don't think I can reasonably outlaw his family from coming! How to handle??

This sounds like a tough situation. I know it's easier than done, but the one thing i would do is try to be the peacemaker rather than fuel the flames. Since you can't leave, you have to make the best of the situation.

[Anonymous]

I wondered if you are scared of your husband,he sounds like a scary intimidating ex partner of mine. It's a bad sign when you are frightened to express yourself and have to back down to keep the peace, I made so many excuses for his frightening temper. I hope you and your child are happy and safe. You are right to want to avoid the situation.

[Anonymous]

When this happens to me I just head up to my room and close the door. I stay in there for a few hours. Come downstairs for 15-20 min then back up to my room. Luckily Im super pregnant so my excuse is that I need to rest up plus Im having hip pain and back pain and pain near my previous c section incision. Maybe you could not be feeling well when they come and spend most of the time in your room eating chicken noodle soup or what not?

[Anonymous]

Your husband sounds abusive. He's your problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know I probably sound like a huge b*tch, but but I absolutely cannot stand when dh's parents come visit. He gets along horribly with them and he has a short temper to begin with, and every time we see them it is an incredibly stressful situation. Literally everyone ends up screaming and fighting with each other and then dh and I get into fights because I'm mad that they are all fighting, etc. I don't know why he agrees to their visits (he doesn't want them to come either!) but he does, and any efforts I make to suggest that they stay home are not received well by him. I just don't understand because if you got along so poorly with your parents why would you agree to a visit??? This weekend, MIL has informed us that she is coming in sept with another random relative from out of the country, and even though dh was fighting with her about it, he relented. I'm just so frustrated because I cannot stand these visits, yet I don't think I can reasonably outlaw his family from coming! How to handle??

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