Daycare vs nanny share dilemma - any advice appreciated

[Anonymous]

I was wondering if I could get some advice on our care situation. Apologies in advance for the length!

DD is 11 months, and in a nanny share. We really like the nanny, and DD has really built a rapport with her and the other baby (also 11 months, they are 2 days apart). We just received a call from the daycare near work (10 min walk away) that a spot will open up starting Sept 1 (DD will be 13 months old). The other wrinkle in this is that the other family is thinking of moving (within town, but just a little farther away, which could make pickup and drop-off a bit more onerous). They want to continue the share as long as they can and are willing to drop off at our house, but I dont know how long that would work, and hopefully works out, but it might get annoying. They are looking to buy a house, and have put down several offers, but haven't had anything pan out yet with the offers.

If we are still in DC, and we get in, we will put her in a preschool near our house starting at 2yrs old (Aug 2013). I put her on the waitlist in Dec 2011, so we have a pretty good shot of getting in. It is a bilingual preschool (Spanish) and the nanny also currently speaks Spanish to DD)

We really like the nanny share situation we are in, but I worry that DD would need/enjoy the social interaction that the daycare would offer, as well as all the toys and the playground next to it. She gets social interaction now with the other baby (they love playing with each other) and we could probably do playdates (there are kids around). This is where my question is - am I going to deprive my child of the necessary social interactions she needs?

The downsides are that the location of the daycare near work would mean that I would have to schelp DD and her stuff on the Metro during rush hour (~30min) both ways (right now, we drop off in the car and the other family lives 5 min away) and we would most likely pull her out anyway in 10 months or so to go to the other pre-school (since I REALLY want her to go there as it is in Spanish and English). I worry that if we go to the daycare near work, and then go to the preschool, that will be a lot of change in her life, and is it best to avoid too much change in their lives at that point (or am I being too sensitive, will they adapt?).

The other downside to the nanny share is that though it is going swimmingly, the other family might move, we might move, it might not work out in the end and maybe then I will wish we were in daycare? :eek::confused:

[Anonymous]

I would wait, honestly. If you know you'd like to start her in preschool in August 2013, you'd be moving her to daycare for less than a year.

We went the other way---started in daycare, had a terrible experience (specific to the daycare we were at--not a reflection on daycare generally!), and move to a nanny share because at that point we had given up our spots on the waiting lists at other daycares so that was all that was an option.

We *love* it and I honestly don't think DC is being deprived of any social interaction---he has a little daily playmate, and they periodically go to meet up with other nannies and their charges for bigger playdates. He's happy, we're happy, and even though we will also have the option to move him in September , we're choosing not to. (Similar situation---we plan to go with a preschool near our house next year assuming we get in so it just didn't make sense to make the interim move.)

Also, I do the schlep now and it is the one thing I can't wait to change about our care arrangement! It works, but it's a PITA and a big part of why we're choosing a preschool near home versus near work. I'd stick with a good situation for now, and if and when something that might change it comes up, worry about it then.

[Anonymous]

I've always been told to avoid using daycares/childcare near my work, especially if you work in a city.

If there was a major catastrophe, I'd rather have my kid AWAY from the danger.

[Anonymous]

I schlep my kid downtown every day on the metro during rush hour, and it's honestly no big deal. BUT, I agree with the PP--it's not a great idea to move a baby that age to a temporary situation unless you have to. Kids adjust, but that's asking for a lot of unnecessary adjustments in quick succession.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've always been told to avoid using daycares/childcare near my work, especially if you work in a city.

If there was a major catastrophe, I'd rather have my kid AWAY from the danger.

Yes, but I can't get to them. Evac has to happen for you and/or for your kid, and if you live close enough o
Metro you have to think about evacing anyway. I'd rather have all three of us assembled and evacing rather han having to get out of dc gridlock.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've always been told to avoid using daycares/childcare near my work, especially if you work in a city.

If there was a major catastrophe, I'd rather have my kid AWAY from the danger.

Yes, but I can't get to them. Evac has to happen for you and/or for your kid, and if you live close enough o
Metro you have to think about evacing anyway. I'd rather have all three of us assembled and evacing rather han having to get out of dc gridlock.

PP here. We chose close to work for baby years in part because of this (and also shorter time to get there if baby was sick, fewer overall hours in care, etc.) but are going with close to home for the preschool years once DC is old enough that someone could explain what's going on, pick up, etc.

Still, though, a good care situation would trump location for us in either case. There are pros and cons to both.

[Anonymous]

If the child has bonded to the caregiver and the other child, I would leave the child in that care situation as long as possible. Childhood attachments are important.

[Anonymous]

Leave her. Truly babies and toddlers don't need organized scheduled activities or any other form of formal social interaction or socializing in large groups. She isn't socially isolated and has interaction with another child.

Until a couple decades ago kids grew up just with siblings and neighbor kids if they had them - they had better social skills then kids of today.

A strong attachment to the primary caregiver (in this case the nanny) is a better predictor of positive outcomes then socialization with many kids.

[Anonymous]

A kid that age doesn't need more socialization than the. Anny share and a few playdates here and there will provide. I also think that your concerns about the other family moving somewhere inconvenient sort of cancel out, since either you will be taking turns schlepping to their home/ them schlepping to yours, or you and your kid will be commuting together every morning to the daycare--that's a "six of one, half-dozen of the other" situation, IMO.

As for the double transition from daycare to school, I agree that your kid would be okay, but that it's really not ideal.

A big consideration for me would be your kid's sleep habits. Daycares, by their very nature, aren't conducive to temperamental sleepers. Typically everyone sleeps on the same schedule (and at 13 month that may be on the toddler room schedule of one nap per day) and many kids find it harder to sleep in a roomful of other kids. I would avoid switching unless your DD is a very easy kid to put down and is already on one nap a day or you really, really think she's ready. Basically, I just don't see the benefits to switching to daycare for a short period. What are you hoping to gain /avoid losing?

[Anonymous]

Stay in the share for all of the reasons pps have mentioned. We have been in the same share since kids were 4 months. Now kids are almost three. They have excellent social skills and enjoy a loving, intimate home environment as well as play dates and fun neighborhood outings. Kids are now very day care ready.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A kid that age doesn't need more socialization than the. Anny share and a few playdates here and there will provide. I also think that your concerns about the other family moving somewhere inconvenient sort of cancel out, since either you will be taking turns schlepping to their home/ them schlepping to yours, or you and your kid will be commuting together every morning to the daycare--that's a "six of one, half-dozen of the other" situation, IMO.

As for the double transition from daycare to school, I agree that your kid would be okay, but that it's really not ideal.

A big consideration for me would be your kid's sleep habits. Daycares, by their very nature, aren't conducive to temperamental sleepers. Typically everyone sleeps on the same schedule (and at 13 month that may be on the toddler room schedule of one nap per day) and many kids find it harder to sleep in a roomful of other kids. I would avoid switching unless your DD is a very easy kid to put down and is already on one nap a day or you really, really think she's ready. Basically, I just don't see the benefits to switching to daycare for a short period. What are you hoping to gain /avoid losing?

Our DC must be the exception...was never on a real nap schedule (and trust me, we tried!) until he started going to daycare. I was very worried how the first day would go. I asked how nap time went when I picked him up - they said he slept the same time as the other kids and there were no issues. I think my face looked like this
Fast forward almost a year later and DS is a champion napper, even on the weekend. That 1-3pm time is golden.

That being said, I agree with the other that if you're fully set on your DD going to the bilingual preschool, there's no reason to have her adjust to 2 new places within the span of a year. Out of curiosity, what will you do if she doesn't get into the preschool?

[Anonymous]

Assuming she can start the preschool at 2, and not have to wait until 2.5, i'd stick with the nanny share right now.