MYOB are just uncaring?

[Anonymous]

Last night my husband and son drove past a neighbor on his front porch, 4 houses later they got out of the car in our driveway, heard a gunshot, followed by a woman screaming. My husband & son went inside our house. Turns out the man shot himself on the front porch in front of his wife & two young children. Guess the only thing to be thankful for is that he didn't shoot his family.

When my husband told me that he heard a gunshot and knew it had to be close by (which he would know the sound) followed by hysterical female screaming my first question was, "Did you call the cops?" He replied, "No, wasn't sure what to do so we just came inside and I could still hear her screaming."

My husband was raised in a family by parents that would both say a friend was a "great guy but he beats his wife." I was raised in a family to help others whenever possible; I was always the lunch buddy to classmates with disabilities. So it does not surprise me, but does disappoint me, that he wouldn't care. We are on such opposite ends of the spectrum that I don't know where most people are. So, my question is. What would you do? Call the police or mind your own business?

Honestly, I have lost so much respect for my husband and hope I can raise our son not be like that.

[Anonymous]

That is horrible OP. I don't know if you can change a person with that kind of mindset. While I wouldn't have rushed in the house to intervene, I definitley would call the cops and I know DH would do the same.

[Anonymous]

I should add that now by husband is defending his lack of action with the argument that "the police wouldnt' have been able to do anything anyways, the guys was already dead."

[Anonymous]

If someone was drowning would he mind his own business? I mean where is the line? It's not like you expected him to go over there and give mouth-to-mouth to the guy who just blew his brains out. Calling the cops after hearing gunshots is not exactly "getting involved."

[Anonymous]

OMG, I am with you OP - definately call the cops. I also might run over there as would my husband. Please talk to your son about what happened and discuss with him what you have raised here- difference between meddling and helping, being kind and nice to people who need a friend, that if you don't intervene, dont expect anyone to intervene and help your family!.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG, I am with you OP - definately call the cops. I also might run over there as would my husband. Please talk to your son about what happened and discuss with him what you have raised here- difference between meddling and helping, being kind and nice to people who need a friend, that if you don't intervene, dont expect anyone to intervene and help your family!.

Don't do this -- you don't know the situation and you could be shot as well. There's got to be a balance between helping others and leaving your own kids as orphans.

Call 911 every time.

[Anonymous]

OP - just giving your husband the benefit of the doubt: maybe he doesn't think that quickly on his feet in a crisis situation? Maybe he would have eventually called 911 inside the safety of your house? Maybe he's just trying to defend himself after the fact claiming the guy would already be dead?

I don't know what's going through his mind, of course. If I were you, I'd just try to show him the other side. Perhaps you can convince him to at least call 911 in the future.

[Anonymous]

I am very much a MYOB/keep to myself but a gunshot warrants a call to the cops.

In the interest of full disclosure, depending on if I saw other people around during the drive I might assume someone else would call. I may have a bit of bystander syndrome.

[Anonymous]

I could understand the noise of a gunshot followed by inaction. Sometimes, it's hard to be sure...they could sound like firecrackers which some of the kids are letting off this time of year.

But a gunshot sound followed by a woman screaming and he does nothing? Wow...that's really terrible. Like seriously bad. My husband is very much an "Oh well" sort of guy too and sadly, I think he would have acted the same way as your husband. (And like your husband, my husband would get defensive when I call him on his lack of response).

[FBO]

Im sorry OP, that is a horrible situation.

None of us know what we will do in that situation unless you have been there before; its not fun.

Most people dont know how to react to gunshots and what your hubby did was not that uncommon. Mention your thoughts to him and then move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I should add that now by husband is defending his lack of action with the argument that "the police wouldnt' have been able to do anything anyways, the guys was already dead."

Clearly looking for any excuse, he couldn't have known that at the time.

[Anonymous]

I agree, OP, with your approach and feelings. I think there are way too many MYOBers in this world. You can't go through life MYOBing all the time, and expecting others to do the same, because we all share this space and our actions affect each other. And lots of times, children or people who otherwise can't stick up for themselves or get out of a bad situation end up hurt or worse because everyone around them just follows the MYOB approach.

[Anonymous]

Oh here, it isn't hearing the gunshot and doing nothing. One single loud bang can be easily dismissed (even though he knew it was a gunshot) It was the woman screaming for an extended period of time that he ignored that bothers me so much. I found out everything about 2.5 hours later when driving home & seeing the body bag coming of the front porch.

But, really I guess it makes me feel better to know that others feel they or their spouses would have reacted the same way.

I am one that would have called the cops and probably run down the street. I've been in similiar situations so do have a good feel for how I would react. But I appreciate the fact that I may be on the other end of the scale and do react quickly & effectively in crisis situations. That is why I was interested in what was the norm, since I feel I'm probably outside of that.

[Anonymous]

If I heard a gunshot but didn't know where it came from, I would not call.

If I knew or suspected where it came from, I would call. Could it be that your DH really did not know that the gunshot came from the house he had just passed?

[Anonymous]

I once saw a couple arguing loudly on the sidewalk outside my house (Capitol Hill). After a few minutes of screaming obscenities, he picked up a brick. I immediately reached for the phone to call 911 -- and I was pleasantly surprised when the operator said "Yes, we've had two calls about that already. Officers are en route."

I studied the Kitty Genovese case in college. I can't MMOB when it's possible a simple 911 call could save a life.