Would you let you 5 year old fly unaccompanied overseas?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The OP is on the offensive, now. Fine, send your 5 year old off on an adventure. You've made up your mind. Not sure why you even bothered asking for others opinions...

OP here: my last post was at 9.47 on 7/17. I am not the person who you have been communicating with. I am not offended.

Again, I appreciate the constructive commentary on the subject and will do what is best for my son and I. Contrary to what others may believe, I am not in my 20's or early 30's and would not consciously make a decision that would impact the long term emotional well being of my child. I am still not 100% convinced this would damage him for life. I just don't see it...

For me, this is a question of assessing the risks and whether I can live with it if something were to go wrong. I have not decided what I will do because there are a few factors to be considered between now and then, with the main one being how my son does on our upcoming South African trip and what his maturity level will be by May/June of 2016, when the UM trip would happen. This gives me enough time to weigh the risks, monitor his maturity level, conduct my research on the airlines, speak with family overseas and talk to my son. I might very well decide at that point that this is not a great idea.

[Anonymous]

I just flew cross country with 5 yr old twins. I was happily surprised by how well they did on the plane (which I had been dreading). If you do, send DC with a full charged ipad, lots of snacks and sticker books and instructions for using the bathroom!! (not sure about an overnight flight on their own tho)

[Anonymous]

OP, I spent the summer between high school and college being the person at the airport who meets UMs and either finds their parents or keeps them with me until the connecting flight.

I was only 18, but I was really responsible and took that job VERY seriously... and still... I was two weeks after graduating from high school. And things go wrong all. the. time.

For example,

1. I met a flight at the gate, and the flight attendant didn't know anything about a UM that was supposed to be on the plane. The UM was, in fact there, and was fine. I just stood there looking for the kid without any adults and asked him his name. It all worked out, but that kid was, essentially, totally uncared for for the duration of the flight. (I like to believe that a different FA actually knew about the kid and just never said anything... who knows.)

2. Kids are told to stay in their seats until everyone else disembarks. That is because FAs have other duties to do upon landing and can't worry about the kid. If the UM follows that rule, all is good. Twice a UM got up and left with all the other passengers, so when the FA tried to look for them, they weren't there. I found one with their parents in the gate and one with their parents at baggage claim. So again, it all worked out, but the kid was unaccounted for.

The reason I really wanted that job was because I'd flown as a UM a lot as a child. My mom worked for an airline, so we'd fly to visit my grandparents and stuff. I was very very comfortable flying by myself by the time I was 10 or so. At 5, I flew on a 45 minute direct flight from my parents to my grandparents. Despite litterally growing up at airports and airplanes, I can't imagine I would have felt comfortable by myself on an international flight at 5 years old.

I am now an adult with a 6 year old. I would be willing to put him on a domestic direct flight by himself. But an international flight with a connection? NO way in hell. I've seen the inner workings of airlines. I think you're putting way too much faith in high school grads making minimum wage.

[Anonymous]

^^PP who worked with the UMs again... just to clarify what the kids do on connections (at least at the airport where I worked)

Each person working on the UMs would have our roster of kids to get. We also had a kid lounge behind one of the customer service desks. We were allowed to check in our kids into the kids lounge if they had a long layover. There were games, a tv, etc. When we checked them in, we didn't have to stay with them (in fact, we usually couldn't because there were kids coming in on other flights we had to get.) The customer service agents were aware that they were there and wouldn't let them leave (it would have been physically pretty hard to leave there). So to one level they were safe in the room, but there definitely wasn't an adult specifically watching them at all times.

I'm sure each airline and each airport handles the details a little differently, but just thought some insight from the other side might be useful.

[Anonymous]

I'll be short b/c you're obviously not worth much time.

I'm Italian. I've traveled quite a bit - starting at a young age. I would NEVER allow my child to travel alone at 5, and my entire family would be appalled if this were the case.

If you're going to expose a child to travel, you go with him/her. Take a week and fly out there with your kid. hang out with family members! Then leave him/her with family overseas. no biggie

But in all cases, family from overseas has either flown back to the States with the child or parents took another trip over to pick up the child.

There's helicoptering and smothering, but there's also endangerment and neglect. It's tragic that you don't know the difference.

No - it's absolutely not crazy. The reason that you think it's crazy is because dependence is the norm for American children, and your child is absolutely helpless because of your helicoptering.

Yes, the circumstances that sometimes require the independence in these children abroad can be tragic. However, the actual independence itself is a very good thing.

I was one of those very indepent 5 year olds; and I walked for miles on my own to explore. Many times with my even younger cousin. And no, we were not poor. To the contrary, I had a nanny and a housekeeper. I cherish all the good memories I have growing up.

Likewise, my grandmother was a latchkey child, Polish and Italian immigrant background in New York. She took over cooking chores by the time she was 5 years old. Her sisters would tell me stories about how she would stand on a stool to cook dinner for the family.

My godchild is a 7 year old girl growing up in Montreal. Mother is Swiss and the fater is Canadian. I spent a few afternoons on my last visit, and she delighted in showing me all around her neigborhood. She knew exactly how to get to school from home, how to get to the playground, how to get to the YMCA where she took swimming lessons, and how to get to both of her parents' work.. It's tragic that American children are incapable of such feats.

[Anonymous]

My friend's son was never escorted to his plane (from the UM lounge) and missed his connecting flight (and he was not 5 years old . . . more like 9 or 10). Maybe he got caught up in those video games, but someone was supposed to be watching him. This stuff happens. The airlines are not known for their great customer service.

You sound like an intelligent woman, but somehow emotionally disconnected. You keep saying that you will make the best decision for "he and I". No. You need to make the best decision for him and him alone. You are charged with his well being. Your well being is a distant second. If that means putting the price of an extra ticket on a credit card and paying it off over time, so be it. If that means he does not go next year, so be it. If that means an aunt or someone you trust travels with him, so be it. But DO NOT put him on an international flight of 16 hours by himself. Do you love this child?

[Anonymous]

I just flew cross country with 5 yr old twins. I was happily surprised by how well they did on the plane (which I had been dreading). If you do, send DC with a full charged ipad, lots of snacks and sticker books and instructions for using the bathroom!! (not sure about an overnight flight on their own tho)

You sound like an expert on sending unaccompanied children on 16 hour international flights. Thanks for the advice. I'll charge up the ipad and get snacks and tell the 5 year old how to use the bathroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP here: You really are missing the point. They would be a chaperon (flight attendant) assigned to your child at all time. That would not happen at the mall since there is NO ONE to assign your child to who is responsible for him/her for the duration of the time.

Would you leave your kid alone in the mall with a chaperon? Whom you don't know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I fly internationally pretty often and I'm thinking about the time, we had to make an emergency landing at in another country when smoke was in the plane but had to stay on the plane for 4 hours because we weren't cleared to get off in that country.

The time their was horrible weather and I had to land at another airport 2 hours away and rent a car to drive to my destination.

So many things can go wrong in addition to 16 lonely hours of flying. The plane may do an emergency landing, it might land at a different airport, it might have strong turbulence. Who is going to put an oxygen on your kid? Don't think he will have a personal baby sitter. The kid might get sick. Once my DD started a fever and an ear infection mid international flight, it was a long 9 hours.

[Anonymous]

I read several pages but certainly not all.

Did anyone mention the undue burden you are putting on the person who ends up sitting next to your child on these flights.

The flight attendant will not be sitting next time him.You pay a fee for someone to look after your kid but it is not a full time nanny fee.

I have been that person next to an UM and it is a bit of a burden and I love kids.

Basically the person next to him becomes his defacto nanny. What if he gets sick? My DS never got sick on flights before but we had a REALLY bumpy ride on a flight last summer and DS got sick. I can't imagine how he would have felt if he were sick and alone. As it was he was sitting with my best friend, who he loves (he DS was with me).

As people have said there are so many unknowns.
You could luck out and he gets a seat next to a mother/grandmother or father/grandfather type missing their own kid or he could end up sitting next to a pervert. You just don't know.

I say you do the first flight with him and have one of the grandparents do the second flight with him.

[Anonymous]

Basically the person next to him becomes his defacto nanny. What if he gets sick? My DS never got sick on flights before but we had a REALLY bumpy ride on a flight last summer and DS got sick. I can't imagine how he would have felt if he were sick and alone. As it was he was sitting with my best friend, who he loves (he DS was with me).

As people have said there are so many unknowns.
You could luck out and he gets a seat next to a mother/grandmother or father/grandfather type missing their own kid or he could end up sitting next to a pervert. You just don't know.

I sat next to two UM's on a flight (domestic) a couple of years ago. One was 6 and the other was 8 (brothers). They both watched "The Big Bang Theory" for most of the time. I was uncomfortable because I don't think that show is appropriate for children those ages. I did not see a flight attendant doing anything special for them and I honestly don't think I should be in charge of people I happen to sit next to so I just tried to ignore the situation. Nobody put me in charge so that's kind of how that works. Yes, it was uncomfortable. I don't pay for a ticket and then expect to work for the airlines.

[Anonymous]

As a flight attendant, I thought that I could put my input into this thread.

I'm 40 years old and have been a flight attendant for 20 years. I'm from Vancouver and work with Air Canada. Working as a flight attendant for 20 years, I could write a whole book dedicated to the stuff that has happened to me during a flight. Some examples include: A woman throwing up in my hair when I handed her water. A man having a heart attack on the flight, and we had to take an unscheduled land to send him to the hospital. And my favourite of them all was the time a man took a shit in the aisle and I had to pick it up (with gloves) into a paper bag. I've experienced everything!

I'm actually pretty surprised about the age rules for UM's at other airlines. Air Canada's rules are that no one under the age of 8 can fly alone, and it's mandatory for children ages 8-11 to use the UM service. I've dealt with 5 UM's and 3 of the kids were nicest, most polite, independent kids I've ever met. The other 2 kids were an extreme pain. The kids were very picky about the food, complained that their Ipad was running out of battery and one kid (age 8) decided to run up and down the aisle, not listening to us, where it got to the point that the male flight attendant had to pick him up and carry him to his seat. As a flight attendant, there's so many other things that I'm doing, that having to look after a 5-year-old for a 16-hour flight wouldn't be worth the extra $100.

My DD flew her first flight by herself (with the UM service) at age 8 and it was only 4 hours. Everything went well. At age 12 she flew to London by herself, which was 8 hours, and no layovers. She did ask one of the flight attendants for help with the customs card, but other than that everything went great. Just 2 weeks ago, My DD (now 14) flew to Sydney by herself, which is a 14-hour flight and no layovers. Even at 14 I don't know if my DD can handle connecting flights because too many things can go wrong.

I certainly wouldn't let my DD fly at the age of 5, but to each their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a flight attendant, I thought that I could put my input into this thread.

I'm 40 years old and have been a flight attendant for 20 years. I'm from Vancouver and work with Air Canada. Working as a flight attendant for 20 years, I could write a whole book dedicated to the stuff that has happened to me during a flight. Some examples include: A woman throwing up in my hair when I handed her water. A man having a heart attack on the flight, and we had to take an unscheduled land to send him to the hospital. And my favourite of them all was the time a man took a shit in the aisle and I had to pick it up (with gloves) into a paper bag. I've experienced everything!

I'm actually pretty surprised about the age rules for UM's at other airlines. Air Canada's rules are that no one under the age of 8 can fly alone, and it's mandatory for children ages 8-11 to use the UM service. I've dealt with 5 UM's and 3 of the kids were nicest, most polite, independent kids I've ever met. The other 2 kids were an extreme pain. The kids were very picky about the food, complained that their Ipad was running out of battery and one kid (age 8) decided to run up and down the aisle, not listening to us, where it got to the point that the male flight attendant had to pick him up and carry him to his seat. As a flight attendant, there's so many other things that I'm doing, that having to look after a 5-year-old for a 16-hour flight wouldn't be worth the extra $100.

My DD flew her first flight by herself (with the UM service) at age 8 and it was only 4 hours. Everything went well. At age 12 she flew to London by herself, which was 8 hours, and no layovers. She did ask one of the flight attendants for help with the customs card, but other than that everything went great. Just 2 weeks ago, My DD (now 14) flew to Sydney by herself, which is a 14-hour flight and no layovers. Even at 14 I don't know if my DD can handle connecting flights because too many things can go wrong.

I certainly wouldn't let my DD fly at the age of 5, but to each their own.

OP here: Thanks you for your real life perspective. Point taken and noted.

[Anonymous]

I flew as an UM starting at aged 10 and I loved it! My flights were always direct though. I was put on the flight here in the US and sent back to my family overseas. 8 hours and I thought it was the best thing ever.

I would not send my 5 year old. Mostly because, flying now is very different (oversold planes, no direct flights back home, etc).

Maybe will reevaluate when she's older.

Best part - ALL THE SODA I COULD DRINK!

[Anonymous]

My daughters have flown alone, as UM and, later, on their own. I would not let go of their hands until they could recite their own name and my cell phone number (including in Europe, so a different number), which was around age 4. I would wait until your child can read - yes, the airline watches out for you, but they do slip up, and reading signs etc. makes the world less overwhelming. It also makes it much, much easier to endure a long flight quietly.

When you do allow trips, at whatever age, I strongly recommend planning for and discussing a whole lot of what-if scenarios. What if the bus is late, the taxi doesn't come, the car breaks down, your suitcase doesn't arrive. I have sent a brightly-colored index card with emergency instructions and phone numbers, even with a 15-year-old. These can come in handy when Passport Control decides to hold your DC until someone comes to meet her, even though she knows how to take the metro and it's her 25th trip there.

My younger child arranged a flight to her grandparents on her own at about age 7 (she badgered us until we bought her a ticket, and she had to be UM, but it was all her idea and her arrangements). But it was just DCA to LGA.