Daughter married a doctor, he’s pressuring her to pay off his student debt

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I met my DH, I earned more than him, had no debt while he had medical school debt. Now I am a SAHM, while he earns over seven figures. I helped him pay his debt off. I mean your DD is married and once he is an attending he may very well earn more than her.

I get we all like bragging about our incomes, but can we please stop saying this?! If he earns "over seven figures," that means he earns...eight figures, i.e., at least $10M per year. You probably meant he earns like $1.2M, which is definitely still seven figures.

SAHM PP sounds like a troll anyway. Anyone with any familiarity with the medical field knows attendings don’t make bank. It’s private practice physicians who make 7 figures.

SAHM poster here. I just refer to attendings as physicians who have completed their training. And nit picking wordings on a message board is lame. So he makes seven figures and funds a nice lifestyle. But I helped pay off his student loan debt. But no matter what OP’s DD will pay for debt either way. If her husband pays the debt by himself it just means less money for the family unit.

Your excuses are lame troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did they not discuss before marriage how they planned to handle that debt?

Of course not. Daughter had $$$ in her eyes to marry a doctor. Clock was ticking to lock him down and start having kids. When you’re in that mode you don’t give concerns to trivial things like compatibility, debt, social issues, extended family involvement, alcohol, etc. It’s just a race down the aisle.

+1. I don’t agree with the daughter paying off her husband’s loans, but people are seriously stupid about financial and general life prospects of doctors. Unless they’re from a rich family, they have crazy debt, crappy work life balance, unless they take a lower paying job, and the higher paying specialties don’t pay enough to justify the other bad stuff like stress, being on call, limited vacation time, navigating bureaucracy, etc.

Not true at all. While the training years suck, we know several specialists in private practice making $500k+ working 40-45 hour weeks and only taking home call a weekend every other month.

500k after so many years of training and crazy debt is not great. It’s worth it if you have no debt though.

[Anonymous]

Marriage should start with pre-nup of no premarital debt or asset sharing but whatever is made during marriage should be shared. Anyone who has an issue with that is better off single. Also know that if someone has bad debt and income ratio, they won't be contributing towards family finances of household responsibilities because their time and income would go towards paying debt.

[Anonymous]

*or

[Anonymous]

She is already supporting him by paying expenses/housing. He can pick up extra hours at an ER, clinic or even virtual doctor.

[Anonymous]

Don't worry. It will get forgiven.

[Anonymous]

Didn’t read all the comments but I agree that once you’re married, it’s reasonable to help pay down debt so you can build a more secure financial future. This doesn’t have to look like direct payments to his loans, but maybe your daughter covers more of the daily home expenses so he can use his salary to more quickly pay down his debt.

[Anonymous]

Hard No. she could pay if off and he could divorce her next day.

This is not like i married wife and she had car loan and I paid it off. Or my old GF who had 5k in credit card debt if I married her.

This is draining life savings, to pay off loan a guy who could dump her next day and leave her divorced and penniless

[Anonymous]

Didn’t read the whole thread, but if not already suggested, just get a post nup signed that he owes her at least 50% of his medical debt, including interest in the event of a divorce.

[Anonymous]

OP sounds judgmental with her comment “he attended private universities while our daughter attended state schools we could afford”. We get it , OP, you are superior. I hope he doesn’t pick up on your disdain for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I met my DH, I earned more than him, had no debt while he had medical school debt. Now I am a SAHM, while he earns over seven figures. I helped him pay his debt off. I mean your DD is married and once he is an attending he may very well earn more than her.

I get we all like bragging about our incomes, but can we please stop saying this?! If he earns "over seven figures," that means he earns...eight figures, i.e., at least $10M per year. You probably meant he earns like $1.2M, which is definitely still seven figures.

SAHM PP sounds like a troll anyway. Anyone with any familiarity with the medical field knows attendings don’t make bank. It’s private practice physicians who make 7 figures.

SAHM poster here. I just refer to attendings as physicians who have completed their training. And nit picking wordings on a message board is lame. So he makes seven figures and funds a nice lifestyle. But I helped pay off his student loan debt. But no matter what OP’s DD will pay for debt either way. If her husband pays the debt by himself it just means less money for the family unit.

And with her attitude, more likely he will then want to keep his nice salary "mostly for himself" after paying basic expenses. You are either all in together for finances or you aren't.
IMO, it's a much healthier attitude to have the "it's all ours" mentality, as you are a family. And if one person has debt, the family has debt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hard No. she could pay if off and he could divorce her next day.

This is not like i married wife and she had car loan and I paid it off. Or my old GF who had 5k in credit card debt if I married her.

This is draining life savings, to pay off loan a guy who could dump her next day and leave her divorced and penniless

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did they not discuss before marriage how they planned to handle that debt?

Of course not. Daughter had $$$ in her eyes to marry a doctor. Clock was ticking to lock him down and start having kids. When you’re in that mode you don’t give concerns to trivial things like compatibility, debt, social issues, extended family involvement, alcohol, etc. It’s just a race down the aisle.

+1. I don’t agree with the daughter paying off her husband’s loans, but people are seriously stupid about financial and general life prospects of doctors. Unless they’re from a rich family, they have crazy debt, crappy work life balance, unless they take a lower paying job, and the higher paying specialties don’t pay enough to justify the other bad stuff like stress, being on call, limited vacation time, navigating bureaucracy, etc.

Not true at all. While the training years suck, we know several specialists in private practice making $500k+ working 40-45 hour weeks and only taking home call a weekend every other month.

500k after so many years of training and crazy debt is not great. It’s worth it if you have no debt though.

When you can make that money not in a HCOL area where really nice homes are $800k and private schools are cheap, it’s a LOT of money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did they not discuss before marriage how they planned to handle that debt?

Of course not. Daughter had $$$ in her eyes to marry a doctor. Clock was ticking to lock him down and start having kids. When you’re in that mode you don’t give concerns to trivial things like compatibility, debt, social issues, extended family involvement, alcohol, etc. It’s just a race down the aisle.

+1. I don’t agree with the daughter paying off her husband’s loans, but people are seriously stupid about financial and general life prospects of doctors. Unless they’re from a rich family, they have crazy debt, crappy work life balance, unless they take a lower paying job, and the higher paying specialties don’t pay enough to justify the other bad stuff like stress, being on call, limited vacation time, navigating bureaucracy, etc.

Not true at all. While the training years suck, we know several specialists in private practice making $500k+ working 40-45 hour weeks and only taking home call a weekend every other month.

500k after so many years of training and crazy debt is not great. It’s worth it if you have no debt though.

When you can make that money not in a HCOL area where really nice homes are $800k and private schools are cheap, it’s a LOT of money.

+1
Several of our residents deliberately chose jobs in LCOL areas for this reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did they not discuss before marriage how they planned to handle that debt?

Of course not. Daughter had $$$ in her eyes to marry a doctor. Clock was ticking to lock him down and start having kids. When you’re in that mode you don’t give concerns to trivial things like compatibility, debt, social issues, extended family involvement, alcohol, etc. It’s just a race down the aisle.

+1. I don’t agree with the daughter paying off her husband’s loans, but people are seriously stupid about financial and general life prospects of doctors. Unless they’re from a rich family, they have crazy debt, crappy work life balance, unless they take a lower paying job, and the higher paying specialties don’t pay enough to justify the other bad stuff like stress, being on call, limited vacation time, navigating bureaucracy, etc.

Not true at all. While the training years suck, we know several specialists in private practice making $500k+ working 40-45 hour weeks and only taking home call a weekend every other month.

500k after so many years of training and crazy debt is not great. It’s worth it if you have no debt though.

When you can make that money not in a HCOL area where really nice homes are $800k and private schools are cheap, it’s a LOT of money.

+1
Several of our residents deliberately chose jobs in LCOL areas for this reason.

Ugh but then you have to live in some dump.