Expats
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Anonymous
You're correct, she is thinking it over and hasn't given Margaret an answer yet. |
Anonymous
They explain it more in the book: She is self-conscious about her Korean not being good enough so doesn't want to go to Korea, and she has rich friends in Paris, London, considers those and decides it's much too expensive, so she will go where she has rich friends but can survive on less money. She is overstaying her visa in the book. |
Anonymous
No. Margaret shows her true colors when essie comes home from her day off and margaret tells her to make pizza for the kids |
Anonymous
The horror! It’s not enough for there just be inescapable awkwardness/tensions in the relationship between live-in help and a family, no matter whether all involved are doing their best in good faith. Someone has to be the bad guy. I hope people treat you with more grace than you treat others. |
Anonymous
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PP, why are you getting upset over a TV show?
I agree that margaret did not think of her as family. She initially said Oh, youre so wet, go change! And before she could take 2 steps she then requested she start serving them again. Even when Margaret decides to move the family back, she just goes up and puts her dish down on the counter and essie runs over to start scrubbing. |
Anonymous
Of course it's different! You are talking about spending thousands on a 15 hour flight to the other side of the world versus spending $150 on a two hour flight. Of course you would see your family in Manila more often living in Hong Kong than in the US. Arguing otherwise is idiotic. I know a number of nannies from Asia in DC and they often go years without visiting family because of the expense and time investment, and the fact that they really need to go for several weeks in order to make the travel worth it. Obviously some people choose that and Essie could too, but this is someone who has already expressed an interest in retiring and is really only still working for this family because she is so concerned about their wellbeing since Gus went missing (and also appears to feel responsible for it, which is awful even if she shouldn't feel that way). There's also such a thing of simply feeling mentally too far from family and home. In Hong Kong, Essie is part of a large community of ex-pats from her home country, lots of people who speak her native language, etc. In the US, she would just have Margaret's family and it might be hard to find that kind of community. I'm not saying it's crazy for Margaret to ask, but the idea that it's not different is insane. Of course it would be a huge change. Margaret says as much when she talks to Essie about it. It's a big ask. |
Anonymous
A day off is a day off. The writers deliberately used pizza because it's such an easy thing Margaret could have done it herself. It's not like one of the special Filipino dishes the kids ask for. There's no awkwardness and no tension because Margaret knows she can and does boss Essie around and Essie always says yes ma'am |
Anonymous
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I don't understand why so many people are defending Hilary. She was awful in that episode. Granted, she is reeling from discovering her husband's affair and then finding out about the pregnancy (and then finding out it's Mercy). So yes, some grace. But some of how she treats Puri is obviously really gross and I think it's very strange people are defending it:
The worst thing she does is drag Puri into that fight with her husband. That scene was so cringeworthy to me. Hilary *demands* that Puri stay for the fight even though David asks her to leave them and it's obvious Puri feels uncomfortable (who wouldn't?). But then Hilary specifically uses Puri in the fight, telling David that it's the "Hong Kong curse," that men come to Hong Kong and are waited on hand and foot by women like Puri and it ruins their marriages. She literally points at Puri and calls her David's "servant" (I mean, she is a servant but there's a reason they are called helpers instead -- no one wants to be pointed at and called servant). And then Hilary lists things Puri does for David as though this is the reason they are having marital issues. It's really, really gross, and viewing that scene from Puri's point of view made me really dislike Hilary. The fact that she then basically orders Puri to spend the evening drinking with her because she doesn't want to be alone makes it even worse. It's very clear that this is not something Puri and Hilary have ever done together or that Puri feels comfortable with. It's definitely a weird boundary violation because while Puri is there to help them, Hilary here is looking for Puri to be her friend and confidant, which really should be outside Puri's job description. The fact that in the morning Hilary appears to forget that Puri has the morning off for her competition is just kind of icing, and I am not surprised that Puri didn't feel comfortable saying "actually, you said I could take the morning off" in that moment because between the fight with David, the general volatility in the household, and Hilary's kind of manic/overly intimate behavior the night before, I imagine Puri feels like she needs to tread lightly. I can't imagine watching that episode and thinking Hilary was "kind" to Puri. Why, because she does her makeup and insists Puri puts on one of her designer gowns? Puri didn't want to do that stuff in the first place and Hilary wasn't doing it out of kindness, she was doing it because she was desperate for intimacy and connection and was using the woman in her employment to fill that purpose for the time being. It's understandable Hilary felt that way but that doesn't make it right or good. That whole sequence of events sucked for Puri. |
Anonymous
I agree with this (Essie should have had a chance to settle and relax on her day off, not have to immediately prepare dinner for the family). Though I disagree that Margaret is cognitive of what's happening. I don't think she thought "I will make Essie do this because I wield this power over her." That's sort of the crux of the issue. Margaret is nice to Essie. She's polite and pleasant. She is not super demanding or rude. But she's also kind of oblivious to the dynamic where Essie is nowhere close to an equal in their home. She is the help. So Margaret can tell her to go get changed (Essie doesn't need this instruction, she's not a child) and then also call to her to come get dinner ready, even though it's Essie's day off and it would be normal and appropriate for her to simply go lay down or take a shower or whatever she needs to do. And Essie complies with Margaret's demands silently, politely. No pushback or even a flash of annoyance on her face. It's the same with Puri. These women know that their job is to be compliant, and that any hint of irritation even when being asked to do things that should be outside their job description or push the boundaries of appropriateness could be grounds for dismissal. They have to stay in their employer's good graces. To me, seeing how subservient these women are pretty much conditioned to be whenever they are in their employer's home (where they also live) was really remarkable. Especially when contrasted to how they are with each other and out in the world, where they have bigger voices, they argue, they tease each other, etc. At work, they can't really have any of this personality. Look at how Puri is with her friends versus how she is with "Miss Hilary" when they are having their "girl's night." The job these women perform is to be inoffensive and helpful at the expense of their own personhood. I think it's an inherently exploitative job, much more so than even American household staff, who tend to have a bit more agency and whose roles tend to be more defined with better boundaries (unless you have a bad boss). We don't have amorphous live-in "helpers" here. I think it's a disturbing dynamic where the two people can never, ever be equals. |
Anonymous
Very well said. It was the full compliance that really struck me. It was discomfiting and hard to watch. |
Anonymous
100% thought the same. And her laying in bed whining and crying like a baby while ordering her what to make her for breakfast was just awful after the prior night and agreed upon day of the competition. She is a very self-centered woman. Even David also pointed this out multiple times. The way she ordered the bartender around too in a nasty tone about the lipstick on the glass--cutting David off completely. Very much entitled. |
Anonymous
| ^^ and lying to her husband that she's trying for a baby while taking birth control pills w/out telling him. crazy |
Anonymous
I think Essie sees them as her family more than her real family. She appears to love catering to them. I think she wants to stay with her new family. |
Anonymous
I think its a little more complicated and she is conflicted. When Margaret just announced at the table that they should leave, Essie is in the background (serving pizza on her day off). While she is technically eavesdropping, it is a pretty big bomb to get dropped on her and a horrible way to find out. That's why she was tearful on the phone when talking to her family later. Its good that Margaret realizes its a big ask. I think Essie was actually happy to be thought of as important to the family and be asked but at the same time, so difficult to move. Surprised some posters don't understand this. Much bigger deal than a 15 hour flight. It was also good that Margaret admitted that she was wrong to leave Essie behind that night and she did it because she was jealous. Its just too bad she did it hand in hand with asking a huge favor. |
Anonymous
What VISA are they going to apply for to have Essie come to the US as their nanny? This is not a realistic storyline. |